Cranky Dana has been replaced with Sick Dana

Thanks for your nice comments, guys, I appreciate it!  I have calmed down a little bit.  I know there’s some major things I need to do to get out of this hole and I’m going to make the effort to figure it out.

Now, for non-cranky news:  I am sick.  Which, actually, does make me a little cranky.  I hate being sick.  The first day is always the worst because you’ve got the fuzzy head and absolutely no cold medicine except for some lousy cough drops that you bought at the convenience store which taste terrible and don’t seem to work at all.  And your co-workers are making the sign of the cross every time you look in their general direction.  What’s even worse is that Keem went to LaCrosse and I am home with the kitties and there is no one here for me to whine at.  My co-worker Jessica said I couldn’t whine at Keem about being sick with all that she’s going through right now and I agree.  So I just sent her an email telling her that I missed her and also said “I am sick.  It sucks.”  Not one word about how I’m probably dying.

Nyquil is quite possibly the best drug ever.  Dayquil is also not too shabby.  And Ricola cough drops taste good AND also assist in suppressing coughing.  I am going to take two Nyquil and go to bed.  Hopefully the plague will have passed me by tomorrow.

Let the vanting begin

My sister and I are talking today because my co-worker that I ride with is filing short term disability and I need to find a new ride to work.  Kari says “Get your license.”  I snap.  Maybe a little irrationally because I just realized I’ve gone a few days without taking my Effexor but still, I also think that it’s a little justified as well.

Getting my license is not going to solve all of my problems.  Yes, I would like to get my driver’s license some day but there’s a couple reasons why I haven’t done that.

1. Driving a car terrifies me.  I have such a short attention span and you want to put me behind the wheel of a gigantic car?  Um, yeah, maybe not such a good idea.
2. Getting my driver’s license is not going to magically solve all of my problems.  You know why?  Because it doesn’t mean anything.  In order to drive, you need a car.  In order to have a car, you need insurance.  In order to have a car and insurance, you need money.
3. I don’t have any money.  I am so in debt right now that I’m not really sure what I’m going to do.  I owe a ton of people money and am getting the lovely collection calls.  As soon as I pay off one creditor, another one shows up.
4. I am thinking about filing for bankruptcy.  I don’t know if I’ll actually do it because, well, let’s be honest, I can’t afford it.  I may check into one of those credit counseling places and see if they can help.
5. Every day I eat two packages of Ramen noodles for breakfast/lunch because that’s really all I can afford.  My roommate is so frustrated with me right now because I owe her a ton of money.
6. And getting my license is supposed to help?  Really?  How?

I know people aren’t trying to be insensitive when they say it, I know that it’s got to be frustrating taking me places all the time but really, suggesting I get my license doesn’t help.  All it does it make me feel even more worthless.

Sometimes, I just want to disappear.  Become a hermit.  Then I wouldn’t be such a burden on everyone.

God, sometimes I can be so melodramatic.  But this did help a little bit.  Thank you for reading.

Waiting is over

Kim made it through surgery fine.  I am so relieved.  There was a big fear bubble hanging over my head today that she wasn’t going to make it.  I logically knew that she should be fine but the not so logical part of my brain started screaming “Death!  Destruction!  Vampires in the closet!”

We have to wait about 5 days to know what stage the cancer was at.  I don’t know how long we have to wait to know if they got it all.  But for now, I can sit back and sigh a happy sigh.

Nerves

I hate waiting.  I am not a big fan of it.

1. I am waiting for Kari to call me so that we can make arrangements for her to pick me up.
2. I am waiting to find out if everything is going to be okay.

Kim is on her way to the hospital right now.  She is having surgery this afternoon at 12:30 CST.  She will have a full hysterectomy.

Almost two months ago, Kim and Kari were working out with our personal trainer, Brian, when Kim’s lips turned blue.  Kari, being quite efficient at her part-time job of nagging, told Kim to go to the doctor since one of the signs of a heart attack is blue lips.  Kim, being stubborn as all get out, resisted this logical and sane advice until it happened a 2nd time.  Kim went to see the doctor:

•  It wasn’t a heart attack.
• Kim’s iron level was very low so our doctor put her on iron pills.
• Two weeks later, there was almost no change in her iron level so there was the discussion about heavy periods, etc.
• Kim has the same problem I did years ago so there was talk about her having an ablation like I did.
• Kim went to see other doctors and also got to enjoy the probing (ultrasound).
• She had a mass in her uterus.  Could be a fibroid but let’s do some tests to be sure.

Long story short (too late), the mass is cancer.  We don’t know what stage she is in but there is hope that it is early and stage 1.  We won’t know until after her hysterectomy.  I am a nervous wreck.  I am sure she will be fine, all signs point to that, but it’s Keem.  One of my best friends.

So any prayers or happy thoughts you could send her way would be greatly appreciated.  And now I have to go, Kari just called.  At least one part of my waiting is over.