Yeah, like you could resist titling it that. Okay. DeAnn posted this and we all know how much I think DeAnn is so absolutely postively cool, right? Well, if you don’t, you should because I think I’ve mentioned it before. Anyway, I am always happy when DeAnn has a meme because they are always the coolest memes ever. Okay, yeah, I just really like memes. It doesn’t matter who posts them. But DeAnn does have one of the cutest puppies ever so that does make this meme extra special. Here is the post she did. Go read it now. Wait! Promise to come back and read mine after. Or I will cry.

There are some questions that need to have stuff clarified so I am going to use footnotes. But I am keeping the footnotes with the section that is footnoted so you don’t have to scroll back and forth trying to read them.

Three names you go by*: Dana

Dorky Dana


*I should indicate that I hate my name. With a passion. And yes, it’s lovely and I should like it and blah blah blah. It’s boring and it could be so more exciting if it was Danae or Rain or True or something fun and kind of hippieish (Rain and True are names of characters I’ve created. Danae is from Greek mythology. I love Greek mythology. I love Greeks. Ah, short, hairy men).

Keem calls me Dorky Dana. Do not call me Dorky Dana, Internet. I will be annoyed with you. Keem only gets away with it because she allows me to call her Keem when she would probably prefer to be called Kimby. But Keem is a much cooler name than Kimby.

The DM thing is because I hate my name and when I write it, I prefer to write either Dana Marie or DM. It looks and sounds better with my last name. No one actually calls me DM because it sounds kind of silly (most people say it like diem and it should actually be pronounced as though it is Dee Em. With a pause in between them) but I also like it because of my screen name, CarpeDM which came about because I needed a quick easy email address that my mom could figure out and would not complain that it is too sexual. She approves of this one, even though I have told her that to me it means don’t sieze the day, sieze the Dana Marie. That’s okay with her, though. As long as it doesn’t look sexual (she took offense to my former screen name badbadkittygirl for some reason).

Three screennames you have:


carpedmblog (for when carpedm has been already taken)


Three things you like about yourself:

My creativity

My childlike enthusiasm

My spontaneity

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:

My distance from people*

That fact that I rarely finish what I star**

My spontaneity***

*Sometimes I feel like I am an alien here to observe this planet. There is a part of me that doesn’t connect with people. It is too easy for me to let things go. Here’s a couple of examples. 1. When I left the Dark Side Bank, I had all of these phone numbers and email addresses of all my friends and we were going to stay in touch FOREVER! Because we were best friends. I haven’t talked to any of those people in over 3 years. 2. My oldest friend, Anya, who I’ve known from high school? Yeah, I don’t really talk to her anymore. We didn’t have a fight. She still calls me. I just never call her back. Why? Because she bores me and I don’t want to be the one that tells her that. I don’t want to be mean. So I don’t call.

I should add that the reason I don’t call is because I am seriously tired of listening to her complain about everything that is wrong in her life and how she wants the world to blow up and there’s no possible reason for me to suffer from depression because I have everything (everything would be a job that has health insurance) and there’s not really a God because if there was a God, she’d still be with her ex-husband and it’s my fault that she and her ex-husband broke up (because when she kept whining to me about how he treated her like crap and quit five jobs in five months and everytime she tried to talk to him about their problems he said “If you don’t like it, leave” and he never did anything around the house and she never had any money because he wasn’t working and she wouldn’t even buy new underwear without discussing it with him, I told her she should kick his ass to the curb) and ad nauseum.

**Yes, I deliberately left the t off of start.

***How can I like/dislike the same thing about myself? Hmm. Well, the spontaneity is what makes it easier for me to decide to go visit Johnny in Portugal with Beth in April. It’s also what helped me decide to move to Madison in less time than it takes me to decide what color I’m going to dye my hair next. Or to, oh, I don’t know, move in with a guy that picked me up the night before (story to come) who just happened to be married.

Three parts of your heritage:



Depends on who you’re talking to*

*I did a post about how my dad told me I was part black and part Polish because he didn’t want me to grow up to be predjudiced. He forgot to mention that apparently, I’m part English. He did not forget to tell me that I was part jackass on my mother’s side.

Three things that scare you:

Heights/Elevators/Spiral Staircases*



*I still have to do the post about how these fears combined one day. I promise I’ll work on it.

**I fear electricity because I dream of grabbing onto a power line and holding on and being electrocuted. I am not sure why I would grab onto a power line but sometimes, I will look at them and think “Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I just…” Escalators are scary. Not in the electrocution way but in the “If I step onto this thing I am going to fall face first down the escalator and break something.”

Three of your everyday essentials*:

Printed Words (used to be books. But I have blog addictions as well now)



Yes, I eat each day, yes, I take a shower and go to the bathroom and etc. All the things that sustain life. But this is stuff makes life worth living.

Three things you are wearing right now*:

Second favorite orange shirt

Really annoying socks that are making my feet nervous.


*Have you ever thought about how much better this world would be if we didn’t have to wear clothes? Seriously. I hate clothing. I would give anything to be wearing my big pink nightgown instead of these stupid jeans and socks and oh my God, I hate this bra!

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):

Maroon 5

Bree Sharp

Bryan McDonald*

*I’ve mentioned him before. Host at The Chalet. Incredible voice. Unbelieveable. You should all come to Minnesota and experience Bryan’s singing.

Three of your favorite songs at present:

Change The World – Eric Clapton

Giant – Melissa Etheridge

Candy Man – Bryan McDonald imitating Sammy Davis Jr.*

*Seriously. It’s the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. He doesn’t do it often but when he does, he has us laughing hysterically. And then there’s his Bono imitation. And his imitation of Pat Boone singing Ice, Ice Baby. Oh, my God. If I had a video camera and he would allow me to videotape him and if he didn’t think I was already stalking him, I would tape it.

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

Traveling abroad*

Clean my room**

Finish my Vegas scrapbook within one year of my actually going to Vegas.

*Portugal! Yay! In April!

*Insert insane laughter here because I hate cleaning. Actually, what I’d really like to try is convince someone to clean my room for me.

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):




*Because he’ll need it. I am a bit flaky. And could be considered high maintenance. But in a fun way.

Two truths and a lie:

I had a crush on Shipwreck from the GI Joe cartoon.

That kid from Malcolm in the Middle, Frankie Muniz? Can’t stand him.

I think I would make a great hermit. Except for that whole living in a cave thing and not having access to the internet. And are hermits allowed to have books? Are there rules for being a hermit?

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:

Big strong masculine hands*

Expressive faces**


*Well, in Bobby’s case. I don’t really notice anyone else’s hands.

**I adore Rowan Atkinson and Stanley Tucci. I think they are extremely sexy. No one gets this. But I love how their faces can express so many different emotions, feelings, etc. Just with their eyes or a smile. Another good one is Marty Feldman.

***Just be taller than me, okay? That’s all I really care about.

Three things you just can’t do:

Deal with Eddy vomit without wanting to throw up myself.

Imagine what I would do if I couldn’t blog.

Finish a novel.*

*If I could write the way I do with this blog, I would have no problem with this. But who in the publishing world is going to want to read a novel that starts out “So there’s this girl, right? And she’s dating this guy. And on the night of her graduation from high school, he and his two best friends rape her.” No, the publishing world wants things like names and descriptions and actual sentences. Silly publishing world. Dana speak is the wave of the future!

Three of your favorite hobbies*:



Watching TV and/or movies

*Huh. That was easy. Thanks for already filling this in for me, DeAnn. Of course, you did forget about karaoke! And scrapbooking!

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

Go home and sleep for 500 hours straight.

Get my new computer.

Convince Beth and Keem that driving to Toronto and seeing Johnny (aka The Lioness) is worth losing our jobs. And she’s sick! She needs us to bring her chicken soup!

Three careers you’re considering:

Queen of the Universe*

World Famous Novelist**

Lottery Winner***

*I realize that I am already Queen of the Universe but it would be fun to get paid for it.

**If I could just pull this stupid book from my head, it could happen. Really.

***I could give money to all of my friends! It would be great. And I could donate to charities and travel the world and come and visit everyone whose blog I have read and take you out to dinner. And I’m pretty sure I would buy Flea a tivo.

Three places you want to go on vacation:


Great Britain

New Orleans

Three kids’ names*:

Joshua Eric

True Frances

Dmitri Nicolas**

*Joshua Eric is my nephew’s name. True Frances and Dmitri Nicolas are what I would name my children. If I ever became insane and decided “Hey, I really want a baby! That would be fun!”

**It used to be Dmitri Aloyious but I can never remember how to spell it so how could I expect a kid to spell it?

Three things you want to do before you die:

Witness the government sanctioned marriage of all of my gay friends.*

Become president so I can pass the large pink nightgown law.**

Finish that damn novel.

*I don’t care if they don’t want to get married. The minute it’s legal, I’m dragging them to the church. Dammit.

**No, not really. Could you imagine me as president? “President Dana, the army really doesn’t want to hold a bake sale to raise money for tanks.” “Well, I guess they should have thought of that before they spent all that money on hammers! What were they thinking?”

Three people who have to take this quiz now*:




*Well, they don’t have to but I would love to read their answers! I would have put Firebear but he doesn’t like memes.