Rusty (guy I work with) asked me last year (Friday) if I had any good New Year’s Resolutions.

I responded in typical DM style.

After taking much time to think it over (five seconds), I said “Yes. My New Year’s Resolution is to not kill anyone this year.”

I do not know where these things come from. I have never actually killed anyone. I am not planning killing anyone. I am free from violent tendencies. I have even, on more than one occasion, hugged a tree. Okay, I have also, on more than one occasion, picked up a fork and made stabbing gestures until someone took the fork away from me but there were really loud and annoying drunk people in the room so I don’t really think that counts as having violent tendencies. But really, I’m quite the gentle soul. Please stop laughing or I will be forced to hurt you severely.

Anyway, I don’t really have a New Year’s Resolution. I thought of a few but rejected them because they are quite restrictive and would interrupt in my having fun.

New Year’s Resolutions I have rejected:

Losing Weight – Yeah, I need to lose weight but that’s not going so good (which you may have noticed since I haven’t updated livingdewfree in awhile) and I am lacking in discipline. So I’ll say that I’ll try to eat less and more healthy.

Quitting Smoking – Well, technically, I don’t officially smoke. Which Keem, in her logical fashion, always counters with “If you put a cigarette in your mouth, light it and inhale, then you officially smoke.” I will say that I smoke much less after the bronchitis/flu episode of 200and something, where my doctor told me if I continued to smoke, I would quite possibly cough up a lung and die. Now, instead of my pack or two a day, I smoke approximately one-two packs a week. Sometimes in one evening. Which is probably not healthy.

Finish That Damn Novel – It’s not so much that I rejected this but that it will come when it’s ready. And maybe I should just write it the way I speak and then flesh it out later. Everyone’s got to find their own style. So I’m not going to force myself. I will, however, when I get the shiny new computer, try to spend at least an hour a day working on it. Oh, hell, let’s just say a half hour and go from there.

Clean My Room – Baby steps, people. Baby steps. I am going to try and get organized.* I am going to try and deal with the gigantic disaster that is my room. I have to make room for the shiny new computer.

*I bought a planner. It’s very exciting and has black and white pictures of London. And I can write stuff in it. Some people who don’t believe in my organizational skills (that would be Beth and Keem) think I’ll use it for a week and then forget where I put it (probably in my room) but I think I’ll be able to keep it for at least two weeks. And pictures of London! That’s very cool.

New Year’s Resolutions I Have Accepted Whole-Heartedly:

  • Laugh a whole damn lot.
  • Finish my Vegas scrapbook. Hopefully before the 1 year anniversary of my trip to Vegas.
  • Go to Portugal and finally meet one of my favorite people IRL.
  • Go to karaoke often. Try new stuff. Stare at Bobby.
  • Blog often.
  • Read blogs often.
  • Discover new blogs (new link Sarcomical, thanks to DeAnn).
  • Spend time with my friends.
  • Put the sheets I bought two (three?) weeks ago on my bed.

Speaking of one of my favorite people (3rd resolution), Beth recorded some clips that she’s going to send Johnny (the Lioness). In one of the clips, I tell her that I miss her and you can hear Keem in the background saying “How can you miss someone you’ve never met?”

My response? “I miss her spirit.” Which is weird but true.

Anyway, I hope you had a great New Year’s Eve and that your resolutions for this New Year are easy to keep. Love you all, my internet friends.

Previous Comments:

At 3:08 AM, brooksba said…
DM,I love your resolution. I know it was tested tonight at karaoke (when the opening song was Picture and Bryan was not there hosting – horrors! But then, Matt (not windowlickingcat Matt, but different Matt) was a nice guy and a pretty good KJ). I hope that you stick to using your planner. It is cute and fun. If you stick with it, you’ll be doing better than I have in the past. I tend to lose planners. Why is that?I miss Johnny too. I know that we’ve never actually met her IRL, but I miss her. We need to finalize our plans to go to see her. Mainly, we need to take time off work and get our passports (you get one, I need to renew mine). My resolution: To let my friends know more often how much they mean to me. You are awesome. I hope you know that. If you do know that, I just want to tell you again. And I will ALWAYS think you’re the greatest. Faking an asthma attack is only a small part of your greatness. You’re the best. I laugh and smile and feel good when you’re around. Thank you. I love you. Beth
At 8:36 PM, Matt said…
DM, Father, Futher, or whatever I feel like Classifying you as, (which will always be one of the greatest rulers of the universe anyone has ever known),I truly enjoyed your post and hope to read more, and actually hope to post more. I liked your rersolutions as well, hope to be a part of your laughter this year. I also hope that you have a great time in Portugal with Little Sister (to you of course that would be Daughter) and Auntie Lioness. I will talk to you later of course Father.Matt
At 4:36 AM, FrostyTheDMan said…
I applaud your rejection of New Years’ resolutions, I could never promise to not kill anyone, I’m a Republican and it’s part of ‘the oath’. But I did quit smoking… haven’t had one in like 4 days, and that might also lead to a homicide so I DEFINITELY can’t swear that off now.Happy New Years Queen Dana… I miss your little pokes in the shoulder as you would leave work everyday. Hope the new job has increase your sanity quotient, but from the posts I’ve read at “Mouths of Morons” I highly doubt it.Later – Frostyp.s. – another resolution for me – to blog more and post on others’ blogs too. Now I need a Nicorrette Lozenge… and a Guinness.
At 8:40 AM, Anonymous said…
If you stick to the resolutions you didn’t reject you should have a good year. If you want something all you have to do is find the time. That’s what I’m working at. Johnny often provides that extra kick. Congrats frosty on quitting. That’s also a res I passed on but I’m proud you’re doing it so far. Anyways, Happy New Year! Remember to be gentle.
At 11:27 AM, alice, uptown said…
I like a woman who makes a resolution she can reasonably hope to achieve — not killing anyone is about my speed. On the smoking front, though I quit smoking after 25 years, I maintain that second-hand smoke is a myth, particularly if you compare the lung and breathing damage two hits from an SUV muffler would cause. (I live in New York, where just walking outside probably equals a pack a day, though it’s not as much fun. People who live in L.A. are definitely throwing stones at glass houses with their laws.)When I get new sheets, I am usually tempted to put them on my bed immediately. My motto is, you can never have too much fine linen for your sleeping pleasure, along with, if you break up with someone and that someone had a particular attachment to a certain set of sheets, then it’s time to throw those out and get some new ones.

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