I have mentioned before that Keem, while normally mild-mannered and sweet (sort of like Clark Kent but a girl), tends to do a bit of transformation while driving. Last night, her alternate personality, Road Rage Keem, returned. I should caution you that if you’re looking for her alternate personality to be one of the evil, chasing little old ladies down the highway so you can run them off the road and punch them because they accidently cut you off even though you’re a freakin’ doctor, road rage people, she is not that bad. No, what she usually does is spew creative invective (try saying that 10 times fast) and shake her fist impotently with her anger. I wrote a poem about it once because I am weird and that’s just what I do. Here is the poem:

Keem is my friend.
She has red hair.
When I am sad, she makes me smile.
When I am happy, she laughs.
When I am riding in her car, she scares me
with the road rage
and the shaking of the fist
and the cursing at other cars.
Keem is my friend.
Her name is Keem because it is fun.
But even though Keem spelled backwards is meek,
don’t cut her off on the freeway!

Our saga starts out simple enough. We had to go grocery shopping because neither Keem or Jeff are going to their respective home towns for Easter so Keem is cooking Ham and Cheesy Hashbrowns and then we are going to dye Easter Eggs. Because nothing says Jesus Has Risen than the pagan symbol of eggs.

But first we stopped at TJ Maxx because Keem was looking for some cat statues. She had found these particular statues at a TJ Maxx in LaCrosse (where she’s from, silly cheesehead that she is) and wanted to see if our local one had said statues. No. It did not. While walking through the store, my lower back started twinging. Nothing major, just little hints that “Hey! Stop walking! I don’t like it!” I had found this glass paperweight of a cat for 3 bucks and was going to buy it for Keem but ended up not getting it because the store only had one person working register and 6 people in line. There was no way that I was going to stand in line with my back acting up.

So we left and were going to head to Peking Way for dinner. Suddenly, Keem asked if I wanted to go get my haircut. I don’t know how she knew this, she must be telepathic because I certainly had not been whining to her for the last 3 weeks about how long my hair was and it was driving me crazy because it was in my eyes (I’m trying to grow it out and it is in that inbetween stage that usually makes me want to get a scissors and hack it all off), no matter what she tells you. I went to Great Clips and my stylist, Aimee, cut my hair. It is quite lovely and, while it looks short, I know that cutting up the back to match the sides is a good plan and will help my hair grow and reach one length. This is good because I do not want a mullet. No mullets here!

Back still hurt. We went to Peking Way and had yummy Chinese Food and then had an interesting conversation with the cute Asian manchild (he was probably in his very early 20s, if that) about different foods and how none of us had any idea what any of them were, like us, he sticks with what he knows. On our way out, the vending machine had little plastic statues of the Justice League Super Heroes. You all know how I feel about Super Heroes so I talked Keem into spending all of our quarters on purchasing these in the hopes that I would get the Batman one. Did I? Of course not. Did Keem? You know it. Will she give him to me? Not a chance in hell, although I am allowed to play with him. Her generosity knows no boundaries.

While we eating, I was flexing and unflexing my right hand. Keem asked if it hurt. Yes, it did. I didn’t know why. My back still hurt and was starting to send charges of pain through out my upper back and my legs. How fun. And I still had to get through grocery shopping. Would the fun never end?

After wandering through the grocery store, my back was starting to spasm. Also my right arm. The pain had shot from my hand and through my arm. And I with plans to play pool with Beth and Char last night. Obviously that wasn’t going to happen. I met Keem out at the car and we started pulling out, on our way home.

And then it happened.

It’s been very warm here in Minnesota. Well, when I say warm, please understand that I mean for us. It’s 45 degrees and quite balmy. I’ve gone without a coat all week long and Keem has been rolling down the windows a little to get fresh air.

As she is backing out, all of a sudden she has to stop. And next I hear this.

Keem: Can people not see that I am backing out?!!!!!??????

I look to see a woman walk past the back of the car and over to the truck parked in the space next to ours. Apparently one of three things had happened. 1 – Keem’s car is invisible and this woman thought it would be safe. 2 – This woman is a Super Hero and a mere car would cause no damage to her if it hit her. 3 – She saw Keem backing out and thought that she was much more important than Keem and that showing simple courtesy and common sense by not walking behind a moving car (you IDIOT!) was too much for her to handle. Perhaps she thought that she was the Queen of the Universe and moving cars would simply stop for her (although I shouldn’t make too much fun of this, apparently I walked in front of a car yesterday without even noticing that it was there. Oops).

I see both the woman and her boyfriend/brother/husband/some guy she picked up turn their heads when they hear Keem’s comments. Oh, yeah, that’s right. Keem rolled the windows down. Keem, not quite realizing this, continues.

Keem (voice rising): What an ass!

Believe me when I say she is not talking about the guy’s posterior (although it wasn’t bad).

Woman and man stare even harder. As we are driving away, I tell Keem that I think they heard her. She does not care.

I realize that this may not seem like road rage to many people but believe me, when Keem is mad, it is a bit scary. Well, okay, much more funny than scary.

I did not end up going to play pool and am sad about that but also glad because my arm still hurts and all of this typing I am doing is not helping much. So, with that in mind, my dear friends, I bid you adieu.

Have a good weekend and may your days be road rage free.

Previous Comments:

At 2:34 AM, brooksba said…
Ah, finally, I can comment! Mean old Blogger.This was funny. Keem and road rage, always a fun story. Love ya!Beth