Yeah, it’s long but it’s about karaoke! That’s always exciting!

On Saturday, Keem and I were going to clean my room. Believe me when I say it needs it. Keem keeps threatening to take pictures of it and blackmail me but, as I told her, that would be wrong. I was going to bring home a whole bunch of boxes that I’ve been collecting from work so I could a) put things away, b) go through boxes that have not been opened since we moved into our apartment (July 4, 2002) and c) throw some stuff out.

This did not happen. Why, you ask? Well, that’s because I am lazy. I hate to clean. I actually paid Jeff $200 (I think) to clean my room once. And he earned every penny. But, obviously, I did not keep it clean. I am not sure why I am so cleaning challenged, other than the fact that I find it extremely boring and I HATE to be bored, but I am. My greatest dream is that someday I will have enough money that I can afford a live-in housekeeper and cook. Oh, and a chauffeur because I’m probably not going to get a driver’s license anytime soon. And, hopefully, they will all be extremely good looking, buff, young men. Unless, of course, I have finally met my true love and have transcended above my need for the occasional eye candy.

Instead, Keem and I decided that we were craving hamburgers and drove out to Fuddruckers in Roseville. It was a nice day, so, after our meal, we decided to drive around. We headed down Grand Avenue where Keem resisted my urgings to stop at Restoration Hardware. Which is just as well, I am broke and I know I easily would have found something to spend money I couldn’t afford there. We eventually ended up at Rainbow Foods and went grocery shopping. I have not yet been able to figure out how we spent over $100, since we were just going “for a few things.”

After we got home and I took a nap, Beth came and got me and I went over to her place to scrapbook. I love scrapbooking with Beth; it’s a lot of fun. We listen to music, talk about random things and admire each other’s pages. After awhile, close to about 5 or 6, we decided to take a break and went to the living room. Beth began playing this horribly addictive game called “Same Game” which I fortunately do not have on my computer or would never accomplish anything. I continued reading my purse book (I also have a home book), the newest Mary Higgins Clark. We spent some time talking and finally, at about 7 or so, Beth decided she had tortured me enough and let me go to sleep. Beth and I work different shifts so it is difficult for me to adjust to her schedule on the weekends. I’m getting up for work about an hour after she goes to bed.

I slept on the “couch” in the living room (a trundle bed) and had a bizarre dream. I didn’t even recognize that I was dreaming. All I really remember is that I was trying to sleep and someone was in the bed with me, pushing me off. I landed on the floor and this person was on top of me, trying to smother me with a pillow. While trying to knock him off of me, I felt the top of his head and, from the horns I found, I was able to deduce that this was The Devil. Now, why The Devil wants me dead, I’m not sure. I thought he was quite happy being my fake boyfriend. After I don’t know how many minutes of terror, I opened my eyes and realized that I had been dreaming, was still on top of the bed and The Devil was not there at all. Whether or not we’re still fake dating, however, is another story.

Sunday, there was more scrapbooking and then the joyful, wonderfulness that is karaoke. Ah, karaoke, how we love you. I should seriously write an ode to karaoke someday. I’ll have to think about it. Part of the whole greatness that is karaoke is not about the singing. Yes, I like to sing. Yes, I like to try new songs and listen to other people sing. But the main part of the greatness that is karaoke is the regulars.

Anyway, Beth and I got there around the usual time but, since it’s starting to get brighter earlier, we were shocked to see that The Chalet sign is green! Green? What kind of color is that? Usually it’s dark when we get there so we had thought it was black. Then, proving that we’re all kinds of observant, I looked across the street and said “Hey, did you know there was a park over there?” Seriously. We had no idea. We knew Lake McCarren was there but a park as well? Bobby laughed at us when we told him these observations and warned us against the park, apparently it is a high crime area.

While waiting for Bryan to arrive, Beth and I killed time by listening to the music playing, watching the silent commercials on the televisions (which were weird and kind of funny but dang it, I can’t think of any of them now), cleaning out my purse (well, just me) and talking about random stuff. Bryan arrived and we started making fun of NASCAR. When Bryan started his vant about the flow chart used to decide what type of subject can be in your back window of your pick-up truck (apparently the choices are American Eagle (with or without tears), US Flag and Racing Flag), Beth and I both agreed he needs a blog. Bryan is a very laid-back, funny, intelligent man and it’s great counting him as a friend.

Since the day had been so nice, the thought was that karaoke would be slow. It wasn’t. A group of softball players showed up and filled up several tables. They were in the mood to sing and we had a good time watching and listening. Several of the women in this group thought it was imperative that they share with everyone at The Chalet their interpretive dance for many of the songs. My, this was enjoyable. At one point, Beth was hunched in her chair, trying to avoid the flailing arms and legs.

I glanced over and saw Ryan, one of the regulars but non-singer, make fun of the dancing girls by making a motion with his body in a Z-like formation. I started laughing and Beth wanted to know why. I demonstrated the motion for her but; unfortunately, one of the dancing girls saw me and told me to get out on the floor since I could move. I declined her kind request since a) I don’t dance and b) I was mocking them (or as Beth says, I was imitating someone who was mocking them).

Two guys who have been at karaoke a few times, Jason and Nick (I’m guessing that Nick is his name), were there again. They sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” together. They’re really quite good and I remember Nick telling me that they were in a band. Jason later sang “Piano Man,” probably the only Billy Joel song I don’t care for since it’s usually a popular choice for drunks to sing. Jason, fortunately, was not drunk and did a great job with the song.

And then we come to the worst part of the evening. Remember my vant about the song “Picture?” Remember how much I hate this song? Well, Bryan betrayed us. This couple got up and completely butchered the song (because yeah, Picture isn’t bad enough). And after they finished, Bryan, looking mildly sheepish, allowed another couple to get up and sing it again. We had to listen to “Picture” twice! Twice! It was horrible.

Liz, Dean, James and Barry all came in, followed by Cassie and her husband (who we weren’t actually introduced to because it was loud and crazy and crowded). Beth and I tried the techniques flea mentioned on her blog (note, she was making fun of articles in O magazine) out on Dean. Here was the conversation.

B: Dean, that is a manly sweater you are wearing.
D (puzzled look): Thank you.
DM: Have I mentioned that you are brilliant in everything you say? Quite like John Wayne.
D: I’m not sure how to take that.
B: You are 100% correct.
D: Okay. I’m not supposed to know how to take that.
DM: Dean! Dean, I have a problem! I need your assistance! I have a problem… (I turn to Beth) I have no idea what my problem is.
B (Jumping to the rescue): We don’t know how to remove this cap from the pen.

Dean looks at us oddly, takes the pen and removes the cap. Beth and I fawn over him, telling him how strong and manly he is. He tells us that we are weird, or something to that nature. We then tell him about flea’s blog. He still probably thinks we’re weird but at least now he knows why.

Later that night, someone gets up to sing “Luck Be a Lady.” He is quite good, reminiscent of Frank Sinatra. The dancing girls are out in full force. I watch them for a moment and say to both Dean and James that this is not what I remembered from the musical (Guys and Dolls). We laugh about it, watching the dancing girls express themselves (if they were trying to express themselves as cheap, slut-like girls, they did a great job) to the music.

Michael stopped in to pay a visit. We were very excited since we rarely get to see him now. He works as a karaoke host on Sundays. I have tried to convince Beth that we should become karaoke hosts but she just laughs at me.

As always, the evening came to an end too quickly. The next thing we knew, Bryan was telling everyone to have a good night and to not drive drunk. Then he asked James to stand up and announced to everyone that he was getting married the next day (Monday). The softball crowd exploded with applause and hoots and hollers. James did a slight bow, a smile on his face. Beth and I were somewhat confused while the rest of our table also was smiling.

After the explosion of applause died down, I leaned forward and asked Liz “Who gets married on a Monday?” She laughs and said “It’s a joke. He isn’t even seeing anyone.” Apparently Bryan has done this before to mess with the crowds.

The majority of the people left, we stayed behind and got into a conversation with Liz about “The Profiler” and marriage. I’d only seen a few episodes of the show but I liked it so Liz volunteered to lend me the First Season of the show. I also asked when Liz and Bryan are getting married so I can do a wedding scrapbook. Liz told me I should ask Bryan if he liked “The Profiler” since apparently this is the only thing he tries to control. He hates the show and keeps trying to convince her not to watch it. I was also supposed to ask him when they were getting married because, as Liz said, not until he proposes.

Talk about evil looks. I was scared for a moment. Beth told him that she had never watched “The Profiler” and he told her that she got to sing either first or second next week, what ever she preferred. When I asked the question about them getting married, I told him I needed to do a wedding album. Liz told him that was the perfect reason and that’s what they could tell everyone when asked why they got married; because their friend Dana needed to do a wedding album (it is very cool having Liz call me one of their friends. Allow me to have a giddy moment here). That and so their dog wouldn’t be a bastard anymore and could hold his head up high in the neighborhood.

The night ended with Bryan telling us stories of things he has done to his friends who have gotten married in the past. It included kidnapping, forcing someone to stand on a street corner in camouflage with two left boots on and sing “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. While we were extremely amused by his stories, in the car on the way home, Beth remarked “If I ever get married, Bryan’s not meeting him until the actual wedding.”

It was a great weekend and I hope you all had as much fun as I did. I’m not sure how you could though, since you weren’t at The Chalet with us. At one point, Beth and I sat there and thought about how great it would be if Johnny was there and calling us “Bloody Anglos” for liking karaoke so much. We miss Johnny.

Speaking of Johnny, we’re up to $44.80 in the BJTM fund. And I think Beth said she was up to almost $20. Keep up the clicking, folks, we’re getting there. Maybe not by this August but next year…well, there are pigs and cows and horses and crap-on-a-stick just waiting for Johnny to see them.

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