Beth and Johnny did this before me and they are very funny so you should go read them now. Or maybe you already did. I don’t know. Nobody tells me anything.

Hey, it is finally done. Can you believe it? I can’t! It took me, what? A good 3 months? This is awful for someone who loves to be the center of attention.

  1. My name is Dana Marie Vittum.
  2. If you know a Vittum, they are related to me. Somehow.
  3. In 1922, Edmund March Vittum published a book called “The Vittum Folks.”
  4. His name is very interesting to me.
  5. My cat’s name is Edmund “Eddy” Fitzgerald Orange Vittum. Edmund is one of my favorite male names.
  6. I was born in March. March 11, 1967. I’m 38. Woo-hoo.
  7. Anyway, the book was published 2 years before my dad was born. His name was Robert Earle Vittum and he was born on May 10, 1924. My mom’s name is Carol Ann Vittum (nee Kaufhold) and she was born on August 22. I am not allowed to post the year she was born. She will hurt me.
  8. From the time I was 18 until the time I was 26, my mother lied about my age. I would meet people and they would express surprise that I was only 18. Where I would then reply, “I’m not 18, I’m 23 (or whatever my age was at the time).”
  9. My mother has the endearing habit of calling me on my birthday and singing to me and asking “How can I have a daughter that is 38 (or whatever my age is at the time)?” When I say endearing, I really mean kind of annoying.
  10. I have been single for over 8 years. And when I say single, I really mean celibate. Joy.
  11. I love to read. If reading was a guy, I would marry him.
  12. I like to write but I’m not very disciplined. I’ve been working on this list since April 9th & I’ve trashed it twice.
  13. I really like to make people laugh. That is my goal in life. That and to be admired and adored by millions.
  14. And to also have the love a good man who loves me for who I am.
  15. I do not think that I am overly fussy when it comes to what I’m looking for in a man – I am looking for someone who is intelligent (but not arrogant. I hate arrogance), has a good sense of humor, either likes to sing or will tolerate karaoke, enjoys reading, music and movies. Most important, he must like my friends and my friends must like him. Looks, race, creed, religion – none of these things are that important. However, the most important requirement is that he not hit people over the head with beer bottles.
  16. I really think thunder and lightning storms are cool.
  17. I am quite fond of rain.
  18. I am terrified of heights, spiral staircases, escalators and elevators.
  19. I live on the 26th floor of a 32nd story building.
  20. I have learned to deal with heights and elevators now. Still terrified of escalators but it’s getting better.
  21. I hate cleaning. It bores me. I do not like to be bored.
  22. I do not do my own laundry. I pay Keem to do it for me. I am trying to talk her into cleaning my room but it is slow going. She is stubborn.
  23. I am lucky enough to have two really great female friends – Beth and Keem. I adore them.
  24. I have another really great female friend, Johnny, but she is far away and I miss her.
  25. I am not a very social person.
  26. No, I’m serious. I really don’t like people. Well, that’s not true, exactly. I do like people but I like them in small doses. And I really prefer talking to people online or through blogging then face to face. Beth and Keem are usually pretty good about getting me to get over that anti-social hermit phase I try to go through every once in awhile.
  27. And yet I am extremely extroverted.
  28. I think it’s because I like to be the center of attention.
  29. I am the self-proclaimed Queen of the Universe.
  30. No, I do not really think I am the Queen of the Universe.
  31. I may be crazy but I’m not Prozac crazy (no offense to anyone that actually takes Prozac, this expression came from a discussion Beth and I had about how Phil Hartman should have married me and maybe he would still be alive. Not that Phil Hartman and I ever met but dammit, he would have adored me as much as I adored him).
  32. Nope. I’m Effexor crazy.
  33. Happy pills are our friends.
  34. I was in a lot of plays in high school and at my church. I loved acting. It was wonderful.
  35. I was not leading lady material. I always got the character parts.
  36. I played Snoopy in “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown.”
  37. I was Miss Hatchett in “Stout-Hearted Men.” She hated men. This was so not type-casting. I really like melodramas. They are very fun.
  38. On our read-through for “Stout-Hearted Men,” Miss Hatchett says to the pretty young Melody Trueheart “Eschew the company of men for they are the minions of Satan.” Except that I read it out loud as “Eschew the company of men for they are the minions of Satin.” As you can imagine, there was a great amount of laughter. My favorite teacher ever, Miss “L” said to me sardonically “Yes, Dana, they like Satin as well. But the word is Satan.”
  39. I really like saying the word “eschew.” It is fun to say. So is “thwart,” “thwack” and “segue.”
  40. One of the reasons I love karaoke as much as I do is because it reminds me of being on stage (we go to karaoke at The Chalet and there is an actual stage. Not very high or wide but still…) and I have really good memories about that. Plus I really like to sing.
  41. Right now, as I am writing this, it is raining and thundering and lightning(ing) and I know I should turn off the computer but dammit, isn’t that what the surge protector is for?
  42. I really love thunder and lightning storms. Living on the 26th floor, we get a great view of them and it’s fun to turn off the lights and watch. We also get a great view of fireworks and the first year we moved in (on the 4th of July), we watched the fireworks from six areas around the city from the comfort of our living room.
  43. We can also do a traffic report from our living room – you can see 3 of the major highways in the Saint Paul area (or maybe 2 or 4, I can’t remember).
  44. I do not want a baby. Ever.
  45. A lot of people freak out when I tell them that. I get the “Are you an escaped prison freak” look and will get the “Oh, it’s different when it’s your own child” lecture. Huh. Tons of kids in the world that don’t have homes and I should bring another one into the world. If I really decide that I want a child, I’ll adopt.
  46. Although occasionally I do have “Oh, cute baby” moments and think that it might not be so bad and then my sister tells me about my nephew peeing on her or I see some screaming child at the store (I try to be tolerant because I realize, especially after reading some of the blogs that I do, that these children may not be misbehaved but suffering from sensory overload or autism and may not be able to help themselves) or remember the risks for women over 35 to have children and then I usually come to my senses.
  47. This does not mean that I hate babies or people that have babies. And if I mention to my sister that I don’t like children, I get a lecture about how I have to like children because my nephew is a child and don’t I love him? I try to avoid that lecture.
  48. You know how there are cat people and dog people? I think there are also baby people as well. I’m just not a baby person.
  49. I am mainly a cat person but I do like dogs. I can’t stand the little yappy dogs, I like Labs and Retrievers and whatever the heck Papoila is because she is the best dog ever. Although I did have a Cocker Spaniel once and he was a great dog.
  50. It is still lightning(ing). And it’s crazy. There’s a flash like every two seconds and I haven’t heard any thunder. Totally cool looking.
  51. Hmm. What else is there about me? God, I can’t be stuck at 50. This is so pathetic.
  52. Well, I was stuck. It’s now, oh, 3 weeks later. Let’s try this again.
  53. Hey! Look! My website is 69% good. So much for Bryan telling me that I was evil!
  54. This site is certified 69% GOOD by the Gematriculator
  55. I still have not received my Harry Potter book but Data lent me his. I am finding it amusing that I am reading Data’s book and using my Data book mark. Have I mentioned that Data was my favorite Star Trek: TNG character?
  56. I used to talk to clocks. I thought of this today when reading a post Mark wrote.
  57. This was when I was a teenager and my psychologist thought I might be schizophrenic.
  58. I also overheard some Japanese bugs plan on destroying all of our plant life as revenge for Hiroshima.
  59. Honestly, at this point, I don’t know if I made that all up because I wanted attention or if I was border-line schizophrenic. That’s a scary thought.
  60. My favorite animals are pandas.
  61. I have collected pandas since I was 7 when I received a stuffed panda from my grandmother for Christmas. I still have him but I can’t sleep with him anymore.
  62. The reason is not because I outgrew sleeping with a stuffed animal. It is because I once decided to wash him and he didn’t dry completely because I took him out of the washing machine because I was a) afraid someone would steal him and b) unable to sleep without out him. We think that his stuffing may be a bit moldy and I am allergic to mold. I would like to have him restuffed.
  63. I also like hippos and sleep with a stuffed hippo. I do not collect hippos, however.
  64. I have several collections. I am trying to purchase every book Nora Roberts and Jennifer Cruisie ever wrote, I have a frog (green ducky) collection at work, I like the occasional cat sculpture, I also collect green glass and A&W memorabilia.
  65. Hmm, this may be why my room is such a disaster.
  66. I hate Tom Cruise. I have hated him ever since Goose died in Top Gun.
  67. Yes, I realize that this is completely irrational but still…I thought Goose was such a better person and poor Meg Ryan was so devastated.
  68. The reason I feel so strongly about this is because I had a friend who dragged me to see Top Gun fifteen frickin’ times.
  69. It got to the point that I would walk out of the theater rather than see Goose die.
  70. I would hang out in the lobby and talk to the theater staff. Once they let me watch the vomit scene in Stand By Me. It was pretty gross and funny at the same time.
  71. I do not like tomatoes. This drives my mother crazy. Apparently, since I ate tomatoes until I was 5, that should mean that I would like tomatoes forever. I have explained that 33 years of tomato hating certainly outweighs the temporary insanity of my youth.
  72. I counter with the fact that I will eat almost any vegetable known to man (including brussel sprouts and asparagus) but this is not good enough. I should eat tomatoes.
  73. I do not like red, yellow, green and orange peppers. While they are quite pretty and like a stop sign (except for the orange), I do not like them one bit. Although I do like stuffed green peppers which makes absolutely no sense at all.
  74. My favorite color is purple. My favorite colors to wear are orange and red with black.
  75. My favorite holiday is Halloween because of the orange and black and it is fun and kind of scary and people give you chocolate. Plus you get to dress up and pretend to be someone else.
  76. My second favorite holiday is Ground Hog’s Day.
  77. Yes, I am just kidding. It’s Christmas.
  78. I absolutely adore liver and onions.
  79. My favorite Dr. Seuss book is The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins. I’m not really sure why except that I like hats.
  80. My favorite Stephen King book is The Stand. There is a scene in there that reminds me of The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins. In case you were wondering why I put these together. My mind is not that random.
  81. I love chocolate. But usually only milk chocolate.
  82. Raspberries are evil. Do not let anyone tell you differently.
  83. I am allergic to mold.
  84. I am also allergic to penicillin.
  85. I had a dentist prescribe me penicillin once.
  86. What was odd about this is that he asked me if I was allergic to anything before he made the prescription out. I also told the hygenist this and wrote it on the stupid form. Obviously he was trying to kill me.
  87. I do not like dentists and have said I would rather have a pap smear every single day than have some guy poke around at my teeth.
  88. There are three important things that I could not live with (other than food and water and sleep): friendship, music and reading.
  89. I drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. What amazes me about this is that about five months ago, I thought I would never be able to do this. Now I don’t even like the taste of pop that much.
  90. I like being awake in the middle of the night and looking at the city lights.
  91. I really would like to kiss someone in the rain.
  92. I rented Hellboy last month and thought the most romantic part was when Liz Sherman (Selma Blair) kissed Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and burst into flames and they were kissing in the flames (Hellboy is immune to fire, her super power was fire). Not that I really want to set anyone on fire while we’re kissing but still…could you think of a better matched couple? I didn’t think so.
  93. My favorite super hero is Batman because he doesn’t have super powers and uses his brain and really cool gadgets.
  94. Adam West is and always will be my favorite Batman.
  95. I like trees.
  96. Tree hugging is something I highly recommend to everyone. It is very relaxing.
  97. I also like birds. They hop. Have you ever noticed that?
  98. When Keem and I go to the Chinese buffet, I try to pet the fish in the koi pond. Keem yells at me. I don’t understand why.
  99. I hopped in puddles yesterday. It was fun.
  100. When I was active in a church, I went to Sunday School (adult Sunday School). One day we had a discussion about this bible verse from Matthew 18:3-4. “And he said, ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'” The guy leading the class (his name was Dann. Yes, with two N’s. How pretentious is that?) goes on about how he doesn’t get this passage and how impossible it is for him to be like a child because he’s got a mortgage to worry about and blah, blah, blah. I looked at him dumbfounded and said “Dann (choking a bit on the stupidness of the two N’s), are you serious? You seriously don’t get this?” He says no. I go on to say “Children believe in what they can’t see. They have enthusiasm about everything. Even when there are things I have to worry about, I still enjoy my life with a child-like enthusiasm. I get excited over the simplest things. And I give thanks for that.”
  101. Because of this verse and my interpretation of what it means, I hop in puddles and hug trees and squeal excitedly when I see birds. I look at clouds and try to find shapes and faces in them. I have fun every single day. And I give thanks for this enjoyment and this world and my life. Especially now that I’m on the happy pills.
  102. I can’t believe I finally finished this. Yay!
  103. You know that you are in serious trouble when you smell the guy you like and he smells like beer and it kind of turns you on a little bit. Because on every other guy, that would make your stomach completely rebel but in his case, your stomach does the whole butterfly flipping over thing and you seriously want to lick his neck and people start goading you to do it because they want to see what his reaction would be. That is wrong, people! Stop encouraging me.
  104. Do you know how long it has been since I have accidentally brushed up against a guy and had that little thrill moment? Do you know what I mean? That moment when you can feel goose bumps pop up on your skin and your stomach turns over in a good, excitement kind of way (not the I’m going to throw up now way) and you really think that if he would just kiss you right now you could die happy. Or am I just babbling? I’m probably just babbling. Ignore me.