Sometimes it just feels that the whole world is out to get you. That everywhere you turn, someone is watching you or plotting or you find yourself buying something that allows Jean-Luc Picard to track your every movement (this may be why I own 3 copies of the first Harry Potter book – I was not a huge fan of The Catcher In the Rye and I would rebel against purchasing it).

Now, I’m not paranoid or anything and when I say the world is out to get me, I’m not referring to the fact that Jean-Luc Picard is going to torture me or anything (Yes, I love the movie Conspiracy Theory. Even though I’m not overly fond of Julia Roberts and I can never remember the name of the character that Patrick Stewart played. Doctor Jonas. Why can’t I remember that? How hard is it? Pfft), I am referring to the fact that odd things have been happening.

Monday, when Beth and I were at Manny’s with her mother, her father and her mother’s boyfriend, celebrating the life of her Grandmother (she died earlier this year and we had a memorial service for her), I mentioned a few of my theories about life. Beth says to her mother “Dana has many theories. She may actually believe in every conspiracy theory ever created.” Which is just ridiculous because really, I don’t believe that there is a secret Mole Man race living in the Earth’s core coming up to get us. I do believe that it is arrogant to not believe in life in other galaxies because that is saying that God only created us and ooh, aren’t we all so great? We watched a movie that supported this theory this week.

I have never seen Ed Wood but Beth enjoys exposing me to movies I’ve never seen. I thought it was a great movie and so, after watching this movie, we decided to watch Plan 9 From Outer Space. Here is where Beth and I differ completely. While we can both embrace certain movies as being very good, she has a slight problem when I start raving about how great other movies are. Here is a bit of our conversation (loosely translated because I don’t remember everything):

DM: I love this movie. It is great!
Beth: Dana. No. It’s a terrible movie. You really can’t see a movie you don’t love, can you?
DM: I hated Romper Stomper (for those of you not in the know, yeah, that’s pretty much the only movie I have ever been able to say that I hated).

Later.

DM: The dialouge is great!
Beth: No, it’s not. It’s horrible dialouge.
DM: But Ed Wood supports my theory!

I think I rendered Beth speechless for a moment because I was defending the movie.

Here is probably my favorite scene in the whole movie – some of the great dialouge (plus the guy playing Eros was named Dudley Manlove. How can you go wrong with a name like that?):

Colonel Tom Edwards: Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth?
Eros: Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots.
Jeff Trent: Now you just hold on, Buster.
Eros: No, you hold on.

Anyway, before I run off on complete tangents, let’s get back to what’s been going on lately.

I mentioned the Cosmic Joker who has been messing with my mind by programing my iPod to play extremely romantic but not sappy music at me. This has not stopped, especially with karaoke on Sunday and Angie was there and she sang “Crazy For You,” “At Last” and “How Do I Live.” These are all extremely romantic songs. Dang it.

Angie was informed about the whole Gil situation. This mainly came about because Beth said “Angie and Amy need to know about this.” And I said “No, they don’t.” And Beth said “Yes, they do, you need to tell them.” And I gave in because I am weak and cannot keep a secret to save my life. And I like talking about him which I hate to admit and sometimes try to deny that I like him but for some reason, no one believes me.

Angie had asked me if I got any vibes and I said “My stomach gets butterflies when he is around.” She and Beth had an “ohhhh” moment. We actually had a lot of “ohhhh” moments because Angie introduced us to her new boyfriend, Toby, and he is very nice and when the crackhead rose seller asked if he wanted to buy a rose, he said “I already have my rose.” Meaning Angie, of course. Ohhhhh.

Then Beth started singing “(Gil’s real name) and Dana sitting in the rain, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Angie and Beth are having so much fun with this but I am really freaking out because hello, what if someone overhears them? Argh! So I asked “What? Are we in high school now?”

So you know what that encourages them to do? Pass notes! This is the note when they finally let me read it.

B: Dana has a crush!
A: Is his name (Gil’s real name)?
B: You might be right!

Then, after I start hyperventilating, Beth does destroy the note. In a huge, musical production sort of way. Bryan calls her up to the stage and she says “I’ll be there as soon as I destroy this note.” So that encourages Bryan to start digging through the trash and, when I start walking toward him in slow motion, crying “Nooooooooooooo,” he grabs the trash can and walks away. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. OH MY GOD! What is he going to do with it? That question is soon answered when he asks Bobby for some Scotch Tape.

Beth takes pity on me (probably not wanting to drive me to the hospital when I have a heart attack if Bryan reads this out loud) and tells Bryan he already knows the secret. He says “Oh” and throws the note away. Crisis averted.

Liz was there and we had a lot of fun talking to her and Barry. I got into an interesting discussion with Barry about religion, aliens and working customer service. I’m not sure how these all connect but hey, just call me Tangent Girl (which apparently is a mathematic term. Who knew? Well, besides Beth and Barry).

There was not a Gil sighting. Which is probably just as well since Liz decided to buy me a couple of drinks. She said that she wanted to celebrate my birthday (6 months later) since she had missed it back in March. But I have my doubts. I think there is a conspiracy to get me to forget myself and be rattled by his smile and the way he smells (on everyone else beer repulses me. He makes beer smell sexy. God help me) so I might lean over and lick him.

Anyway, just so you don’t think it’s just iTunes and my friends in on the conspiracy, I have proof. Proof! That the world is out to get me.

Johnny left me a comment yesterday about going to the ocean and that it was really hot in Portugal and I would hate it. So I went to My Way where I have my personalized page and have a section that tells me what the weather is like in Saint Paul, Lisbon and London. While I am doing that, I see two things that convince me that the world is conspiring against me in a “You should be thinking about this all the time until you can’t accomplish anything. Hee hee!”

My horoscope (I’m not one who believes that the horoscope is completely accurate so don’t panic. I do think it’s fun. I’m a Pisces and it’s fairly accurate as to what I am like) – You’re someone who can have a good time just about anywhere and under any kind of circumstance. And if the circumstances are already pleasing, flirty and fun — well, watch out! The stars have cooked just that kind of pleasant scenario up for you in this moment, so grab your fork and knife, put your napkin on your lap and dig in. How often does a delicious dish like this come along anyway?

My fortune (it’s like a fortune cookie of the day. I love it) – It’s right in front of your nose.

And then today we have:

Horoscope – Words of love come easily to you right now. You, splendidly sensitive creature that you are, are already one of the more attuned signs of the zodiac, but today your powers of perception are heightened more than they normally are. Some people might call you dreamy, but you know that you’re in touch with the things that really matter. Find someone you love and tell them just how much they mean to you.

Fortune – You can open doors now with a combination of charm and patience (Well, yeah. I’ve been saying that all along).

And here’s the quote of the day – I will make love my greatest weapon and none on who I call can defend against its force….My love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest day. – Og Mandino

Oh, world, please stop messing with me. This is making me crazy.

And speaking of crazy, let’s go back to Conspiracy Theory and our song of the day (do not read too much into this. I just like this song and it played a big part in the movie. There is no love. There is only incredibly horrible like that is overwhelming. I’m smitten. I’m in deep smit (50 points for anyone who can figure out what this quote is from without googling it (no fair using yahoo or other search engines)).

Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You – Frankie Valli

You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off of you.
You’d be like heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived.
And I thank God I’m alive.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off of you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There’s nothing else to compare.
The thought of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel.
Then let me know that it’s real.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off of you.

I love you baby, and if it’s quite all right,
I need you baby to warm my lonely night.
I love you baby.
Trust in me when I say:
I love you baby,
Don’t let me down, I pray.
I love you baby,
Now that I found you.
Stay.
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you…

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