Okay, in my last post, I asked for advice on breaking the touch barrier. Last night I got a bit of an education on how not to do this. And no, dear Internet, this education was not from anything I did. Gil, unfortunately, was not at karaoke so I was not able to feast my eyes on his visage, much to my regret.

No, this is something I observed, a mating dance, if you will, occuring between several of the patrons of the Chalet.

First we have our male. With his bright plumage, the male struts around the roost, drawing the attention of…oh, wait, sorry. I was channeling Marlon Perkins from Mutual of Omaha for a minute.

Okay, so the Chalet was super busy last night. It usually is on Thursdays, for reasons that escape me (I could see Friday and Saturday being busy but Thursday strikes me as odd). There were several tables cram-packed full of people when I arrived but I was lucky enough to snag a table towards the back. Even so, it was extremely loud and when Beth arrived, we had to raise our voices to communicate. The telepathy was obviously not working last night. As much as I love to sing and enjoy visiting the Chalet, I prefer Sundays because it is usually not as loud and you can manage a conversation without having to scream.

Towards the end of the evening, a group of young men came in (mid twenties to early thirties) and sat at the table in front of us. Beth began to fear for her life when two of the men stood over her and weaved around, waving their cigarettes over her head.

It was one of these men that I noticed, merely because he reminded me of a former banker from NABABNA. Like this former banker, this man (let’s call him Jack (short for Jackass)) tried to gain attention to himself by being as obnoxious as possible. He screamed along with the singers, he danced in the aisle between the tables and the bar and he completely freaked out one of his friends by leaning into whisper something to him and then sticking his tongue in his ear.

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, a fairly attractive woman up at the bar was responding to Jack’s advances. Perhaps she was attracted to extremely agressive men. As I watched, she leaned forward and lightly slapped his chest, as if to indicate “Oh, you’re so funny.” I turned to Beth and said “I don’t get it. How did she do that?”

It was so completely casual, this brief touch, that I was amazed. I can’t even begin to imagine doing this to Gil. And then this woman went a step beyond the casual touch. She left her hand on his chest, nothing major, still more than I could see myself doing. Then Beth and I glanced over at her again and were somewhat shocked. In Beth’s words “She grabbed his boob. He has man boobs and she grabbed them (something like that)!”

Liz arrived shortly after and we were talking about work and how the week had gone when I glanced over at the girl and Jack again. Beth noticed this and said “There’s a way to break the touch barrier and there’s a way to appear like a total slut.” I agree and said “Yeah, especially since he just grabbed her ass.” And she looked completely shocked and pissed off about it.

I don’t know what happened between them next because I returned to the conversation with Beth and Liz. The next thing I knew was that the girl was gone and Jack was chatting up another woman, one who had sung a few times last night. Somehow they went from exchanging pleasantries to locking lips in the middle of the bar. A few minutes later, they were leaving together.

So here’s my challenge. I need to break the touch barrier, I need to let Gil know I am interested in him but not that I am going to throw myself at his feet and be his love slave. Well, at least not this week. Diana had a great suggestion and I might have to try it.

Anyway, in honor of Jack and his success with the ladies, I bring you a romantic love song from Rocky Horror Picture Show. As a reminder that this is not where I want things to go. Lucky for me, Gil is not anything like Jack. Thank God.

So how is your week going?

UPDATED – COMMENTS ADDED TO POST ITSELF.

I tried three times to comment on my own comments and was rejected each time. It was quite frustrating.

Beth, well, as it is now Monday, you know why I was not yet able to break the touch barrier. Argh!

For the rest of you, I’ll be posting briefly on this but if you want info now, check out Beth’s blog.

Teri, the Uptown theater in Minneapolis used to play this movie and have all of the toast flinging and water spraying and newspaper wearing. It was great. I saw my first drag queen there. Totally cool.

As for touch me songs, the Divinyls is the only one there and I have sung it before. Just not recently. I may have to try it again.

Carol, I have missed you! Thank you for the multitude of comments. Very fun to read. This is not a bad suggestion, actually. Of course, you all realize that if his friend still reads my blog, my cover is going to be completely blown when I try these suggestions. But the hell with it. I am going to break this barrier. Life is short, as I discovered last night. It is not worth waffling over to touch or not to touch, that is the question.

Diana, you would think, wouldn’t you? I’ll have to give it a shot. Plus, it’s totally a fun song to sing, especially on a crowded night.

Nancy, thanks for visiting! I’ll have to check out your blog soon. This is a good suggestion as well. Normally no problem with touching, just I really like him and that causes me to freeze.

Mark, I have missed you as well! I so love this idea. It is completely hilarious and wouldn’t be obvious at all. Right. Thanks for all the other comments.

Beth. Yeah, I could have added it to the list. Wouldn’t have done me one bit of good but I could have. Maybe next week.

Betty, HI! I have missed you. I will stop by and say hello.

Teri, I don’t know if the Chalet has Embraceable You. I’ll have to check. OH, and download it from iTunes because I don’t know the song at all.

Everyone, wonderful suggestions. Hopefully this will work. I will break the touch barrier. I will. And he won’t give me a disdainful look and wonder why the heck I would ever think he would be interested in me. Because I don’t fear rejection at all. No. I’m so confident.

Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Janet Weiss: I was feeling done in
Couldn’t win
I’d only ever kissed before

Columbia: You mean she?

Magenta: Uh huh

Janet Weiss: I thought there’s no use getting
Into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting
Now all I want to know
Is how to go
I’ve tasted blood and I want more

Magenta and Columbia: More, more, more!

Janet Weiss: I’ll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I’ve got an itch to scratch
I need assistance
Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I wanna be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night

Then if anything grows
While you pose
I’ll oil you up
And rub you down

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down!

Janet Weiss: And that’s just one small fraction
Of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand
And I need action
Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I wanna be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night

Columbia: Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me

Magenta: I wanna be dirty

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me

Magenta: Creature of the night

Janet Weiss: Oh, touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I wanna be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night

Rocky Horror: Creature of the night
Brad Majors: Creature of the night?
Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Creature of the night
Magenta: Creature of the night
Riff Raff: Creature of the night
Columbia: Creature of the night
Rocky Horror: Creature of the night
Janet Weiss: Creature of the night!

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