I know that you all live vicariously through the tales of Beth and my experiences at karaoke. I can’t blame you, of course, my life is SOOOO exciting & abounds with high adventure and true love and, oh, who am I kidding?

Anyway, I know it’s been awhile since I’ve done an update so I will let you know what’s been going on the last few weeks.

Could her love life get any more bizarre?

Beth got hit on by a girl at work last week (post here). Now, as you know, Beth and I are very supportive of gay rights but we are not actually gay ourselves. So this came as a bit of a shock to her. So Sunday night, while waiting for karaoke to start, Beth would say some of the following things:

“A girl. Girrrrrrlll. The opposite of a boy.”
“I wish the boy would show up. I wish the boy would ask me out. But he’s not lesbian enough.”

When talking to Bryan about the situation, he switched into his Uncle Bryan persona to help with the situation.

UB: Tell Uncle Bryan all.
B: I got hit on by a girl.
UB: Hmm. Well, the best way to figure out how you feel about this is what do you think of Portia De Rossi?
B: Who?
DM: Ooh. She’s kind of hot.
UB: Yes.
DM: Is she a lesbian?
UB: Yes. She’s with Ellen.

The conversation then turned towards how we liked Ellen and she was very funny. Later, we got back to Uncle Bryan and his helpful techniques.

B: A girl!
UB (walking by, overhears her. Laughs): So what is this person like?
B: She’s nice. She’s pretty. She’s…
UB: She’s pretty?
B: Yes, blonde, short hair…

Bryan gets a look in his eyes that needs no translating. His mind has drifted into Guy Territory. He realizes it.

UB: Uncle Bryan’s not really helping here, is he?

Gil Sightings

I haven’t been talking about him lately because a) think he might have a girlfriend and b) nothing major has really happened. I still like him. I still see him. I still occasionally have bad thoughts about him. Bad, bad thoughts. Thoughts that pretty much mean that, even though I talk about becoming a nun, it would not be a good idea.

Take this conversation, for example.

Gil gets up and walks over to the bar. I angle my body somewhat.

B: You’re checking out his ass.
DM: No. I’m just trying to see the television.

She gives me a look of total disbelief. Which is not surprising because the television is mounted to the wall overhead and I was not looking up.

DM: I’m just trying to read what the (censored because it could reveal too much about Gil’s secret identity) says.

Another look from the all knowing Beth. Dang her!

New Sex Song Sunday Returns!

The choices this week was Beth singing “I Touch Myself.” She did really good at it. Angie sang a duet with Bryan “I’ll Make Love To You.” It’s apparently a Boyz to Men song. Angie has just become a part time karaoke host so it is very exciting and there is another person that we can go sing karaoke at another bar and not feel like we are cheating on Bryan. We are very loyal karaoke junkies.

I sang “I Want Your Sex” because, as Bryan put it, apparently I’m kind of a whore (yes, he was kidding). I also tried a new song, “Bring Me Some Water” by Melissa Etheridge. Beth sings it every once in awhile and I love the song but I’d never heard it sung by anyone other than Beth. So I was a little off in some places. Liz suggested that we try singing it together next week.

Yeah. So I just realized that, while karaoke is always a blast and lots of fun, all of this is from Sunday. Which either means that Sunday was the most exciting night ever or I have a really bad memory. It’s probably the latter.

The title is nothing karaoke related but the song has been stuck in my head all day and it has been pouring here lately. There have been flash flood warnings and the road in front of my apartment is covered with water. Looking down from the 26th floor, it looked as though it is a lake and the cars have been transformed into boats. I don’t think it’s all that deep but it’s got to be at least 2-3 inches of standing water.

Big Red Boat by Grey Eye Glances

When I go walking,
I hear them talking all over town
They say I’m gone;
I’ve lost my mind
Well maybe I have,
And maybe that’s the point now

I’m building a big red boat
Building a big red boat
With full intentions to set sail
And one day I’ll leave this all behind
And with your help, I’m certain not to fail

Tell me are you still with me?
Remember this was our great plan?
We’d build a boat, and sail away
We’d leave them all back on dry land

I’ve been building a big red boat
Been building a big red boat
Between my meetings and at night
I’m tired, but I stay inspired
By listening to the beach boys tape
You made for me when we were nine

Darling, you seem uneasy,
I know this is a tad bizarre
But out here on the plains of Nebraska
I swear I smell the ocean, can you
Every time you look up to the stars?

I’m been building a big red boat
In my back yard building a big red boat
No one can tell me what to do
Send doctors, send preachers, send lawyers,
They have their boats to build,
This boat’s a boat that’s built for two

I’ve been building a big red boat
In my back yard building a big red boat
With full intentions to set sail
And one day I’ll leave this all behind
One day, before I lose my mind

Meet me when you’re ready
Meet me when you’ve lost your head
You can meet me, I’ll be waiting
Meet me by the water’s edge

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