Keem. Keem, Keem, Keem. Why must you do these things to annoy me? Why? It is wrong. And let’s not forget that my New Year’s Resolution for 2005 expires at midnight on the 31st. You could be very, very sorry if you don’t stop this RIGHT now.

So Keem and I were fighting about something on Tuesday. I have no idea what it was about. It was one of those fights where you hiss things under your breath that you don’t mean and you get really defensive about something stupid and then find yourself later regretting what you said.

I am regretting that I referred to Keem as “Your Majesty.”* Twice. Not because it was mean or anything like that. Oh, no. That’s not the case.

*In my defense, she is kind of bossy sometimes.

No. Do you know what she is doing now? She has now started referring to herself as the Queen of the Universe. She is not the Queen of the Universe. I am the Queen of the Universe! She has started referring to me as the false Queen and saying stuff like “So saieth the Queen.” She can’t say that! I say stuff like that.

Conversation this morning:

Keem: You are a bad Dana. You were supposed to wake me up.
DM: I am sorry, Keem.
Keem: I do not believe you. Bad Dana. So saieth the Queen.
DM: ARRRRGGGH!
Keem: *Giggles*
DM: Stop saying you are the Queen. You are not the Queen.
Keem: Yes, I am. You called me Majesty. Therefore I am the Queen of the Universe.
DM: You can’t just proclaim yourself the Queen of the Universe!

Granted, this is a fairly illogical argument considering that that’s what I did, just decided that I was the Queen of the Universe one day.

So I ask you, my loyal subjects, to please inform Keem as to just who is the real Queen of the Universe. Thank you for your time and attention.

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