So a whole new year starts in a few hours. I thought it would be fun to go back through time and take a look at some of the things I’ve done in the past year.

In January, I:

Made a New Year’s Resolution to not kill anyone (and kept it! Yay me!). I’m going to have to come up with a good one for 2006. Hmm. Any suggestions?
Got hit on by a woman at the Chalet.
Had my heart broken (no, not really. Just found out that Bobby had a girlfriend. He was my eye candy at the bar).
Spent time with Beth while she was on drugs (codeine and Beth is a very fun combination) at her apartment and at karaoke.
Was thrilled when Liz sat at our table. We got our first experience of sitting at the cool table. I’m pretty sure this is also the day that we met James and Barry officially.
Struck mass fear in the hearts of others by saying things I don’t normally say.
Climbed onto my soapbox to regarding the stupidity of boycotting cartoons because the characters may or may not be gay. Who cares? Seriously. If you have nothing better to do than worry about SpongeBob SquarePants holding hands with Patrick, you really need a life.
Met the Weary Hag for the first time. Yay! Have you checked her out yet? You really need to, she is brilliant.

In February, I:

Went back on Effexor. And was really happy when it kicked in.
Wrote about a love affair that went horribly awry (Part one, two and three).
Told the hot bartender Bobby that I dreamt about the gun (drink dispenser). Why am I allowed to talk to men?
Was accused of being vain.

In March, I:

Found out I have sleep apnea (not really a surprise. Ask anyone who has ever had to share an apartment with me).
Wrote about obscene phone calls I had received in the past (1 sick, 3 funny).
Went to karaoke and discovered I have the mind of a teenage boy.
Celebrated my birthday (also got my passport).

In April, I:

Experienced super weird karaoke experiences (Karaoke Gone Wild!).
Confessed to playing Strip Magic.
Got an iPod shuffle for my birthday.
Dreamt that George Clooney invited me to dinner and I was the main course (in the food sense). Went to Portugal and met the beauteous Johnny in person.

In May, I:

Participated in a plot to drive Johnny insane by encouraging people to click on my Google adsense links so that Beth and I could get her to come to America for the state fair. Ah, the insanity. Plus! Met the lovely and talented Diana!
Was excited about Spring and posted a mini photo essay.
Started doing a photo assignment that I never finished. Perhaps I will soon.
Wished my mother a happy Mother’s Day
Had my first kiss in seven years. Thank goodness for Andrew – I can’t believe I found this. I’ve been trying to figure out when this happened.
Received horrible news from my doctor – easily resolved but I was NOT pleased.
Wrote about two funerals I went to that resulted in laughter instead of tears.
Was told that I am delightfully and refreshingly mad by Johnny.
Proved Johnny right – because my God, I am a freak.
Discovered that my personality matched Captain Kirk (who’s surprised by this?)
Wrote about how to win Gil’s love and affection by using tips from Oprah.
Celebrated my one year blogversary.
Wrote a post inspired by Diana about the first time I ever heard/used certain swear words.
Met Quagna, my South American boyfriend and love of my life. Oh, Quagna. Move me.
Came out of the blogger closet – revealed my true last name and set up an Amazon wish list.

Wow. May was a busy month.

In June, I:

Posted a photo essay of balloons. I like balloons.
Posted a photo essay of Eddy and his problem with ornament addiction.
Became a femme fatale and also first decided I wanted to lick Gil’s ear (well, admitted it out loud).
Wrote about the time that my fear of heights, elevators and spiral staircases almost resulted in my committing homicide.
Went to Tomah to meet Mark (part one and two) and eat really good Chinese food.
Wrote about why I’m not allowed to play with power tools.
Posted a photo essay about going to the park with Josh – for my sister’s birthday.
Wrote a poem based on one I found on Diana’s site.
Posted the prolouge to a novel that has been stuck in my brain for years.

In July, I:

Heard about the bombing in London – And panicked that Betty was one of the injured or lost but fortunately she was not.
Wrote about one of my old nicknames – Edmund Waynde the 2nd
Was handed an article by a co-worker about a tree molester.
Watched James take off his pants at karaoke – also said goodbye to Tom because he left us to move to Texas.
Realized that the smell of beer turns me on. If it’s the right guy.
Did that meme, you know the one where you look back at where you were in your life so many years ago.

In August, I:

Decided that there is a Cosmic Joker who is messing with my mind and trying to convince me to tell Gil how I feel about him – Like telling him that I lick like him is going to accomplish anything.
Got really, really, really drunk on Buttery Nipples – And wrote a post about why I was never ever drinking again (because I’ll stick to that promise. Yeah. Right).
Posted a photo essay about Eddy – because I have no life and what could be more exciting than seeing pictures of my cat, right? Right?
Said goodbye to Char – And cried. A lot. I miss her. This is the weekend that Beth decided to paint my nose and arm with ice cream. She’s a freak.
My Introduction to Comic Books – My first boyfriend was a geek. I like geeks.
Post about turning my skin different colors – Hey, I look good in blue. But hot pink? That’s really my color.
Broke the touch barrier with Gil – And that worked out so well. Look how far we’ve come since August. ARGH!
Posted about one of my pet peeves of repeating the same words over and over and over again in the same sentence or two – Unless it’s used for comedic value over and over and over again by me. Then it’s okay.

In September, I:

Wanted to kill Keem for sending me the most annoying email ever – Tied to my pet peeve post.
Became known as Hurricane Dana
Participated in the first ever New Sex Song Sunday at karaoke – Other stuff happened, of course, but this is an exciting day.
Celebrated National Talk Like a Pirate Day by winning Pirate Porn – With a picture of Jesus.
Celebrated Keem’s birthday – Although she wouldn’t let me pet the El Camino so she is very mean and doesn’t deserve to have a birthday.
Found links to sites about Jesus that were, well, horribly wrong but yet funny – Yes, Mom, I’m going to hell. I know.
Went to see the best movie ever made – My God, I love Joss Whedon.

In October, I:

Try to disguise my love for Gil by saying it was really Neal Patrick Harris that I adore – I’m not sure it worked.
Became somewhat jealous when this woman was touching Gil – And Beth had sugar and went insane.
Posted about two horribly awful boyfriends that I had in the past – What was I thinking?
Annoyed Keem in a store, watched tons of Lost episodes with Beth, went to karaoke – my, what a social whirlwind I call my Life.
Made declarations as to what I would do when I became the Official Queen of the Universe
Faked being hypnotized
Celebrated Beth’s birthday
Was the only person that dressed up for Halloween karaoke – But I was adorable so who cares, right? Right?

In November, I:

Confused Ginger and Molasses cookies for one another and was very disappointed – and also received weird spam
Posted a story about my pet rock running away
Vowed to never drink again when I decided to tell James and Dean about my piercings – I seem to make these vows fairly often. Nothing seems to come of them.
Went to the Children’s Museum with my nephew, the most brilliant child in the world – Carefully edited photos of said child
Posted the list of reasons as to how to tell you are a karaoke junkie
Got an exciting new banner, thanks to Sheryl of PaperNapkin – Green Duckies are frogs! They’re frogs! In case there was any doubt.
Posted about the time I babysat Damien and gave him a bloody nose
Met Matt for the first time – He works with James at the theater.
Posted what I was thankful for (on Thanksgiving)
Posted about my Thanksgiving
Went to a lot of karaoke – Where I was tortured by New Kids on the Block songs
Went to some more karaoke and flirted! With Gil!

In December, I:

Consoled Becky when she told me that her boyfriend broke up with her by calling him a rat bastard and bald – I am ever so supportive.
Talked to James Kirk
Almost got into a bar fight at karaoke
Sorry, the last post was the prelude to the almost bar fight – This post is the actual post about how I almost got into a bar fight.
Worked for Junior Achievement, got to go through James and Matt’s wallets at karaoke – Have I mentioned what an exciting life I have?
Got invited to Matt’s birthday party – More proof that we are part of the cool table. Oh and I got talked into sing Strokin’. It was my lucky day.
Had my title usurped by the Evil Keem who has now decided that she’s the Queen of the Universe – Which is just completely irrational of her.
Participated in an elaborate scam to get a Creepy Tall Guy to leave the Chalet – Because he was creeping us out. And freakishly tall. I mentioned he was creepy, right?
Received the most unique Christmas present ever – Joe in Vegas sent me Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Thought I was dying – Turned out to just be the flu.
Felt better and decided to share way too much information about myself – And also a semi review about the Pirate Porn movie.

I hope you all have a wonderful time tonight, whatever you might be doing, and a spectacular New Year. Keem and I will be meeting Beth tonight at Fridleykins for the 2nd annual Sheepsheadian New Year’s Eve at Fridleykins (okay, so we don’t have a fancy name for it. It’s still fun. Last year I decided to wear a creamer bowl on my head for a party hat and spent 2 minutes telling Beth, Keem and Matt the plot to one of my favorite Star Trek: TNG episodes). Beth works until 11:30 tonight so it’s a nice way for us to spend time together and not deal with too many drunks. Until they decide that they’re all hungry once the bar closes.

And this cryptic comment is for my lurker – “We miss you. Could you please call or email either Beth or I and let us know that you’re okay?”