For those of you wondering, yes, I did go to karaoke last night. While it was fun and exciting to see Beth, Liz, Amy, Sara, Shannon and Craig*, there was no Gil. I am not sure if I am relieved about this or not.

*The only guy at a table of girls. He seems to enjoy this status. Especially since last night I told him that I loved him, he was the most handsome man in the bar and asked him to knock me up (He’s not doing that any more (he has two children), I was informed. Apparently he’ll have “fun” but no kids. Dang it. Our kids would be adorable (No, I have not cracked. I still do not want children)). Craig is fun to mock flirt with. Kind of like Andrew.

I think I am relieved. This is because, when Liz arrived, I told her about what Dean had told Beth and I, that Gil knows I like him. We had the following conversation.

L: I wouldn’t be surprised by that. You do sing to him.
DM: I do NOT sing to him!
L: Yes. Yes, you do.
DM: Noooooooo.
L: Beth? Am I right?
B: Yes. Dana, you do sing to him.
DM: I will sing what he asks me but I don’t sing to him directly.
L: You choose songs to sing when you know he’ll be walking in.
DM: No! I don’t! I can’t!

I did not win this argument. Apparently I not only sing to him but I also have a special pose that I use when I am singing when he is around. Supposedly I lean up against the wall and put one foot up, either against the wall or on the stool. Like I am shy. I am still in denial about this. Liz also said that I apparently told him I wanted to lick him one night when I had been drinking. I do not remember this. Beth played along with Liz because she is evil but later told me she doesn’t remember this either and isn’t sure if I actually said it.

As you can imagine, I am looking forward to becoming a nun now. However, everyone laughs at me when I say that. Apparently nuns don’t want to have sex. I so need to form my own order. Oh. And possibly convert. I’m pretty sure I’d need to be Catholic for this.

Anyway, since I’ve been working on this for awhile, here is the story of what happened last Friday, when Beth and I went to Matt’s birthday party.

When Matt invited us to his party, he told us at where the “cool table” hangs out at on Sundays before they come up to karaoke. So, you can just imagine Beth and my excitement when we realized that not only were we invited to Matt’s party, we were actually going to step foot on that rarefied ground, Old Mexico.

Yes. We were excited about getting invited to a comic book geek’s birthday party that was taking place at a chain restaurant. We laugh at ourselves as well.

The plan was to meet Beth at the Chalet so she didn’t have to drive to Saint Paul, pick me up and drive back to Old Mexico. I took a cab. I have had some interesting experiences sitting in the back seat of a cab since Beth and I have started going to the Chalet on Thursday nights. This one is no exception (I may have to start a new category called Crazy Cab Rides).

Matt’s party was on Friday. As you all know, on Thursday, I was home sick, cursing the germs that made me vomit. Vomiting is bad. Friday I was feeling better but still a bit queasy. So. What’s the worst possible thing that you could encounter if you’re still feeling a bit nauseous? The answer would be stepping into a cab that reeks of floral scented puke. Not my idea of fun. Plus, it’s Minnesota. So the heat is blaring. That does not help the situation at all.

As I sit there, I start listening to the radio to see if it will distract me from the smell. And, oh boy, does it ever. The cab driver is listening to a talk show. But what a talk show! There appears to be a male and female host.

Caller 1 (male): Well, I’m trying to cut down.
Male host: You’re giving it up?
C1: I’m not doing it as much.
Female host: So you’re not stroking it as much?
DM (To self): What? What did she just say?
FH: Are you down to one or two days a week?
C1: Well, I used to do it anywhere from 10 to 12 times a day. I’m down to one or two times a day.
MH: Yeah, you’re out of here. Bye!

The next caller comes on the line.

Caller 2 (female): Hi.
FH: How are you?
C2: I’m okay. My boyfriend only likes anal sex.
MH: Really?
C2: Yeah. But he wants to receive the anal sex.
MH: What? Oh!
C2: And I’m not sure what I should do about this.
FH: Buy him anal beads.

Okay. This is just bizarre. Fortunately, the cab driver hears “anal beads” and flips the station. Fortunately again, we are almost to the Chalet. As we pull into the parking lot, I start digging through my purse, looking for the $20 I pulled out. At the same time, my cell phone rings. I try to grab that and find the $20 at the same time. It doesn’t work well. I glance at the phone to see that it is Beth. I answer. I don’t hear anything. I look at the phone. Call ended. Great. I get my change from the cab driver and am trying to zip up my purse/exit from the cab when the phone rings again. I answer again. I hear something word like but no clue. Call ended again! Argh!

I am about to walk into the Chalet when a silver car pulls in front of me. How rude! Can’t the driver see that I’m walking here…oh. It’s Beth. How can she be here so quickly? It’s only 11:40 PM. She got off work at 11:30 PM. I knew she was a fast driver but that’s kind of crazy! I hop in and we are on our way to Old Mexico.

After a false start on my part (I’ve been there and told Beth I would be able to find it without any problem), we make it to Old Mexico and then try to figure out where the party is. Then we see Barry. He directs us and then we see a whole bunch of people.

We saw Matt right away and gave him the cards we had lovingly constructed for him. Okay. Let me rephrase that. Neither Beth or I actually remembered to buy or make Matt a card. At the last minute, Beth reminded me of this and so Keem and I made a frantic search for pre-made cards because all of Keem’s stamping stuff is at work. Keem did find two pre-made partial cards. These are like postcards. I also found two cards I had made at a Stamping Up workshop a few years ago.

Beth and I decided to go with the cards I had made. Beth used the one that had ladybugs on it and wished him a happy birthday, hoping that no one bugged him. I used a card that is a snowman in a snowglobe. What I ended up writing was “Matt, while searching for the perfect birthday present for you, I had many adventures, including one involving a psychotic snowman with a blow torch. So, for your birthday, I have trapped you a snowman. Enjoy. PS: Yes, I am a freak.” I like to be different. It is fun.

Beth and I found ourselves a section of table that no one was sitting at. It was kind of weird being there. We knew a few people but not that many and they were in the middle of the group, chatting with others. As Beth put it, we were on the fringes of the cool group. Fortunately, we can always find something to talk about. And people did wander over to talk to us, especially on their way to the bathroom.

Earlier that day, Keem and I were watching the news and saw an actual woman say on actual TV that “I feel that I was able to reach a lot of people through my butter head.”* I had to call Beth immediately and tell her this. Apparently this woman was a runner up for Princess Kay of the Milky Way (something to do with the State Fair) and part of the honor of being involved in this is the opportunity to pose for your head to be carved out of butter. I suppose Wisconsin does the same out of cheese? Anyway, she decided to donate her butter head to be used at a sweet corn feed and got teary eyed over the thought of all these people dipping their corn into her melted head. Yeah. I know.

*I’m not sure this was exactly what she said. I can’t seem to Google it. You would think this would be huge news.

When Matt came over to talk to us, I told him about this woman and her butter head. He found this amusing as well and we started joking around about it. Matt made an off color reference to a farmer who might carve the butter head and then use it for purposes other than sweet corn feeds. Said reference included the farmer’s wife wondering why her husband was butter flavored in a certain area. And then, one night, the farmer’s wife would say “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” This is the only joke Matt told that was funny. He told some other jokes that I will not ever repeat and they did bother me. He would tell a joke, Beth and I would stare at him. I will give him some slack, he was drunk and obviously the filter from his brain to his mouth wasn’t working very well.

Matt spent a lot of time by us. We also talked to Dean, James, Bryan, Stephanie and Liz. And we met two new people – Kane and Shawn. Out of a group of twenty people, we meet two. Wow. We are quite the party animals, aren’t we?

Beth and I amused ourselves by talking about other things and greeting our visitors (usually on their way to the bathroom). And yes, some of the other things was about Gil. Beth made the comment about how I would follow Gil anywhere. That I would tell Jesus “Sorry, Jesus, but I’ve got to go to Hell with Gil here.” Except that she used Gil’s real name. In front of people who know Gil. Thankfully no one seemed to hear her.

We got on the subject about how we’re all going to Hell because of our inappropriate laughter about something (can’t remember what it was now) and Bryan had wandered by.

Bryan: Beth, we’re all going to Hell. Except maybe Dana. She might have the only in.

He pauses.

Bryan: Although she doesn’t drive. So she’ll probably need you to drive her. Guess you’re going to Hell as well, Dana.
DM: Yeah. I’ll take a cab to the Chalet and meet her there!

After the party was over, Beth and I went to Perkins where we talked and I ate something that I don’t remember right now. I ended up home at around 5 AM. Yikes.

Saturday Keem and I went to get a fill on our nails. I decided to try a new color (reddish, I usually go with more of a light orange (you might refer to this color as peach. If you do, I will correct you. I do not like peaches. I refuse to acknowledge them as a fruit or a color)) and I got a design on my thumbs. The first time I’ve ever done a design. I’m quite pleased with it, the lady painted a flower on each thumb and I have a crystal where the middle of the flower is and there is sparkly nail polish on it as well. I glitter. Yay.

Later that night, after a nap, we went to meet Beth at Perkins again. It was New Year’s Eve. This is the 2nd annual Sheepsheadian get together at Perkins for New Year’s Eve. We’ve decided to refer to it as SPAP (Sheepsheadians Playing At Perkins). We were missing a member of the Sheepsheadians (He knows who he is and should just CALL already) and that was a little sad but we still managed to have a great time. We played Sheepshead (of course) and also decided to start using Beth’s iPod as a Magic 8-ball. For some reason, Beth’s iPod hates me (for example, when asked to describe me, the song was “Everybody plays the fool.” Thanks, iPod. I love you too). I will probably post the questions and the song answers later, right now my notebook is in the other room and I have been working on this post forever and Keem is going to kick me off the Internet when she gets home so I just want to finish this.

Sunday, we were telling Liz about this game and how much fun it was and what song described her (Lonely Stranger? Don’t know why) and us.

Liz: So what is Gil’s song (using his real name, of course)?
DM: What makes you think I asked about him?
Liz: Because I went to high school. And I graduated. Of course you asked about him.
DM: It’s Rhythm of the Night.

Although I don’t know what version of Rhythm of the Night is. So I can’t download it off of iTunes and listen to it obsessively because it reminds me of him. Not that I do that. I never do that. Really and truly.

You already know what happened on Sunday after karaoke, Beth, Dean and I went to Perkins where I found out that Gil knows about my Like for him. Sigh.

Hope you all had a great New Year’s and weekend. Tomorrow I am going to movies with Keem, Katie, Kari and Mom. Then Mom is spending the night to help me clean my room. The first person to spend the night in my bed and it will be my Mom. How sad is that?

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