Alternatively titled – A (Belated) Day in the Life of Me!

So apparently we are supposed to blog today about what we did yesterday. Oops. The funny thing is that I started writing about yesterday and then I thought I was supposed to write about today and I deleted what I wrote yesterday. Oh, well. I’m just going to go with today. Sheryl’s post is here and also has the links to everyone else who is doing this.

12:25 AM – Okay. I have no concept of time. I don’t wear a watch. I can tell you that I’m at karaoke and that people are singing. Right now Rhianna is singing “You Sexy Thing.”

12:28 AM – Steve is going to sing but he doesn’t know what. Beth tells him that she knows two numbers for the songs he sings and he can choose between A-ha or The Killers. He picks The Killers. Beth tells him that if he wants to sing other songs, he has to tell her what the numbers are so she can memorize them. It’s a Rainman thing. She has all of her song numbers memorized and a lot of mine. I’m lucky if I can remember the number for the time it takes me to walk from the table to the stage. Beth, Katie and I are all singing at the table. This is a fun song (“Mr. Brightside”).

12:32 AM – Steve is whoo worthy. Beth is singing now. “All That Jazz.” I make jazz hands. And jazz hands without the jazz (this would be where you hold your hands out but don’t shake them in a jazzy fashion. Beth made it up. Ask her). Katie says this is a good song for Beth.

12:35 AM – Why do I carry an organizer around? I never use it. I write some of the things I’ve done this last week. So much for thinking it will help me remember things for scrapbooking. At least I blog.

12:36 AM – Bryan & Reverend James start singing “Lola.” This is always cool. Beth tells us about how she was eating Skittles divided by color and remembered being 3 years old and eating Reese’s Pieces divided by color and this was probably the start of her OCD habits. Katie says she will not eat anything yellow, even yellow M&M’s. I have weird friends.

12:45 AM – I am distracted by a blinking light. It’s the reflection of Reverend James lighting his cigarette. Not an alien landing in the parking lot. Yeah. Maybe it’s not my friends that are weird.

12:47 AM – I do not understand how wearing boots and rolling your cuffs of your jeans up high is considered fashionable. I think it looks stupid.

12:53 AM – I am now singing, singing, singing. You can wait for more update because I’m busy singing “If You Could Read My Mind.” It’s now 12:55 and the song is still going. I sound absolutely fantastic! Yea! My hair looks cute while I sing. Worship me, I am the Queen.

12:57 AM – Still singing. Now people clap for me.

12:58 AM – If you couldn’t tell, Beth ghost wrote the two previous entries. You can tell this because she and I have different ways of spelling an expression of happiness. She writes yea. I write yay. That and I normally don’t write about how cute my hair is.

1:00 AM – Why is Christopher Knight considered a TV star? Some infomercial is on and I only recognized him because there was a picture of him as Peter Brady. That is not a star. That is a former child star.

1:03 AM – Shawn, the drunkest man in Puppetland is singing. Beth told me that L was here but I thought she said James (it’s very loud in the bar). I am happy until I realize who she is talking about. Dang it.

1:05 AM – 1:12 AM – By explaining to Katie who L is, that leads into Beth and I telling about how I faked an asthma attack to get Beth out of a date with Pete.

1: 15 AM – Random las. La, la, la, la, la!

1:17 AM – Time for a cigarette. There is a guy singing “I Love This Bar.” I do not love this song but I do love this bar. The Chalet is the best bar ever. No, I am not biased.

1:21 AM – Beth is text messaging Steve because he forgot to pay his tab. Dork.

1:23 AM – Bryan says “We’re running out of time but I’m going to try to get the people up to sing. I am the karaoke host of the people. Of the people, for the people.” Bryan is very funny. We like him.

1:27 AM – The woman singing has just screamed into the mike. Nice. That’s not at all annoying.

1:29 AM – Screaming again. There really isn’t any screaming in “Sweet Child O’Mine.” And the random dancing around like Axl Rose is somewhat irritating. Plus, I’m pretty sure Axl Rose didn’t grind his hips like that. Or offer to show his tits to the audience for $100. Axl Rose had more class (I can’t believe I just wrote that).

1:31 AM – It’s last call. Oh, gosh, I better go get a drink. Or not.

1:34 AM – Liz is here. Yay!

1:35 AM – Axl Rose girl is trying to get Bryan to dance because her friend is singing “Let It Rip.” He turns her down gracefully. Now she is bouncing around. All she needs is a bottle of ketchup (Diana, Beth rejected my idea to disguise ourselves as giant ketchup bottles. She said the drunk people might try to dance with us. She’s got a point). There are two men in the audience that are trying to convince her and her friend to get naked. They are classy. The women are just as classy because they said they would for the right amount of money.

1:40 AM – Axl Rose girl is now dancing to “Let’s Get It On.” Great. Lap dances for everyone! I’ll pass, thanks.

1:47 AM – Liz, Beth and I start talking about work, Theo (Liz and Bryan’s dog), pet rats and how they stink when they die, why Keem wants to get a toddler leash for me (I have a tendency to wander off in the store. She doesn’t like that) and various other topics.

1:58 AM – Beth and Liz are very strange. They are talking about their OCD habits. Liz is even worse than Beth. Seriously, if you need to have the stripes on the bedspread completely lined up or you can’t sleep, why bother buying a bedspread with stripes? Oh. Liz just said she bought a new bedspread because of that. Okay.

2:31 AM – Leaving the Chalet. Beth and I sit in front of my building and talk about music and people who pretend they know stuff when they don’t and about how the street sweeper tried to run us over but didn’t.

3:00ish AM – Walk in my apartment. Head to my room.

3:05 AM – Go to bed. Try not to think about the fact that I have to get up in 3 hours.

6:12 AM – Keem walks out of the bathroom. “Dana,” she says in her “I am the boss of you” voice. “Get up.” I find it amusing that the song playing right now is “Let Me Sleep Tonight” by the Nadas.

6:13 AM – Try to wake myself up enough to get into the shower.

6:26 AM – Start getting dressed. Remind myself that I put deodorant on. Otherwise I will end up applying it several times. My memory isn’t so good.

6:30 AM – Go to Keem’s room. Tell Keem what time it is. She determines that we have 22 minutes before we have to leave. Go back to my room and set alarm for 20 minutes. Take nap.

6:50 AM – Stupid alarm clock. God, I hate mornings.

7:18 AM – Nod off in car. Keem uses the elbow. Listen to her lecture me about how she doesn’t get to sleep while she is driving so I can not sleep when I am driving riding. Try not to roll my eyes because that always extends the lecture. Not that I fall asleep in the car a lot.

7:30 AM – Pull up Sheryl’s blog. Realize that yesterday was the day in the life. I am a dork. Decide to just continue with today. Start typing up stuff from last night.

8:30 AM – Damn it. I have to start working. I switched with Jodi so I got an hour of free blogging.

8:44 – Stupid computer. I have to log out now because my fax isn’t working. ARGH!

9:01 – Took advantage of my computer crashing to go and get pop. 3 cans of Mountain Dew should do it. Hopefully.

9:20 – My back itches. Where are my scissors? Ah, sweet relief of metal scraping across my skin.

9:30 – Must go to bathroom. God, I’m tired. Would anyone notice if I fell asleep under my desk? Probably.

9:37 – Ooh! I get to cross off another day off the calendar. Only 6 days left of tax season! Yay!

10:14 – Mail letter for stock holder. It is a brief break away from the phones.

10:45 – Break time. Yay! Realize I have not taken my pills this morning. Take them. Hello, Effexor. Hello, Weight Smart Vitamin pill. Realize that I only have one Effexor pill left. It is a good thing that Effexor has a half life of forever and I can usually go the weekend without taking the pill without any side effects. And I dropped my prescription off last night so it will be ready to go on Monday.

10:55 – Stupid break is over. When I am president, I will extend breaks to a half hour. And, if you go to karaoke at the Chalet on Thursdays and Sundays, you get a “get out of work free” card. Unless you try to assasinate me. That will just tick me off. Somewhere there is a post about the things I would do when I am president but I can’t remember where it is. I really have to get better at updating my archives.

12:00 PM – Lunch time! Yay! Start working on this post some more.

12:10 PM – Keem brings over my pizza. Yummy pizza that has a thin crust and sausage, pepperoni, black and green olives. Why, yes, it is perfectly healthy and low calorie (in other words, I don’t care).

12:30 PM – Stupid lunch is over. I go back to taking calls. There are 24 calls holding. Stupid cost basis people.

12:36 PM – Get email from manager sent to entire group about taking your lunches at your scheduled time. Crap. I switched with Jodi and took my lunch at her normal time. Does he mean me? Probably not but I’m going to email him anyway.

12:41 PM – He didn’t mean me. I breathe a faint sigh of relief.

1:49 PM – It is break time. After my break, it will be 2. Then I have 3 hours to go. How will I make it? I’ve already drank the 3 cans of Dew and am on the 1 liter bottle that Keem gave me. Oh, well. I’m going to go to Sheryl’s site and start reading some of the other days in the life. This should be fun.

2:00 PM – I just finished reading Kris’s post. I have to tell you, I have no idea how moms get anything accomplished. Having to be responsible for small children and have a life? Sheesh. Thank the Lord again that he never saw fit to let me get knocked up all those times when I was not a good Dana. Ask the Lord to stop making me think that having a baby really wouldn’t be all that bad. Because, seriously, what am I going to do? Walk up to random strangers and say “Please impregnate me?”

2:41 PM – Go to the bathroom.

2:48 PM – Talk to Tax temp about her hat. It is the Batman emblem. Contemplate knocking her over and making a run for it. Realize that I don’t run that fast and decide to indulge myself in a brief conversation as why Batman is the best super hero ever. Hello! Screw you and your super human strength, Superman. Batman has a super human mind.

2:50 PM – Indulge myself in brief thought of James. Because he is like Batman. Adam West Batman.

2:51 PM – Go back to the phones. Have I mentioned that I hate tax season? It’s Friday afternoon and there are 40 calls holding. Sigh.

3:00 PM – 2 hours to go. Not that I’m counting.

3:25 PM – Have brief argument with co-workers Jodi and Laurie about how many cans is in a 1 liter of Mountain Dew. Jodi thinks it is 6 cans. It is actually 2.6. I love being right. Rusty decides to point out that the fact that I’ve had 5.6 cans of Mountain Dew is over 1,000 calories. I don’t care. It’s done the trick and coffee makes me feel wired and sick to my stomach.

3:55 PM – Laurie gives me a very yummy Little Debbie treat. It is a rice krispie bar and it tastes even better than Rice Krispie’s rice krispie bar. And it is only two points. Not that I need anymore sugar today but what the heck. I am throwing caution to the weend! Shut up, spell check, I know that weend is not a word. But that’s how I am saying it. How will anyone know what my fun pronunciation for wind is if I don’t spell it phonetically?

3:57 PM – Go back to the stupid phones. One hour to go. I can do this. I can.

4:45 PM – Dude. You own stock. Stock fluctuates. “It’s not a fluctuation. It’s dropping.” I am sorry that you’ve lost almost $5,000 this year but what do you expect? The price could shoot up ten bucks next month or drop another twenty. Do you really think I care?

5:02 PM – Finally. My time sheet is done. I am done. I am making a big orange X through today on the calendar. Five days to go. Except not. Because the stupid IRS has decided that Monday will be the last day of tax season because the 15th falls on a Saturday. That’s just what I need.

5:07 PM – Okay. What time does my bus come at? 5:55 PM. I can deal with that. I could stay to 6:55 PM because that would mean a faster Internet connection. No dial-up. Is it worth it? Maybe.

5:10 PM – Why does every inch of skin on my face have to itch? I’ve already drawn blood once today. Stupid dry skin.

5:15 PM – Okay. I am now going to finish Amanda’s post that I started reading at about 2:00 PM whenever I was on hold.

5:19 PM – Finish Amanda’s post. Leave comment. She is a mom and pregnant. My God. Again I wonder about how moms do this. Resolve to be especially nice to Kari. Maybe. There are plenty of years that she was a complete brat so I’m not sure that she deserves extra niceness (not that my sister reads my blog but on the off chance that she does, yes, I am just kidding).

5:35 PM – Finish reading through what I’ve written so far and correct a few errors. Reward myself by going to Jennifer’s post. Ah. Another mother. I prepare myself to feel exhausted after I am done (but that just might be the Mountain Dew wearing off).

5:59 PM – Finish reading Jennifer’s post. Leave comment. I am exhausted. She lives in Costa Rica and I have many questions now about her life so I’m thinking I’ll have to start reading her archives. Well, so far I have three people to add to my bloglines. Realize that I am staying to 6:55 PM because my bus just left 4 minutes ago.

Who is next on my list of blogs? Karin (Is this pronounced Kare-EN or Kar-IN or Kar-EN? Hmm. I decide it is pronounced Kar-IN. More exotic). Ooh! She likes karaoke! I like her already!

6:10 PM – Am done reading Karin’s post. Her cold medicine kicked in so she only got to about 10:30 AM. Will go check her site out tomorrow for the rest.

Decide to set email reminder to log out of the computer at 6:45 PM so that I do not forget about my bus. I am not in the mood to sit over at Subway for an hour until the next bus comes because I know myself. I will get involved in my book and then forget to leave at 7:55 PM and then I’ll be stuck for another hour. My book is called “The Little Lady Agency” by Hester Browne. It amuses me and I’m only on 64. This is a good sign. Remind myself to blogline sites tonight when I get home and check out an author that Amanda mentioned. Thank God I keep a blog or else I would never remember anything.

6:11 PM – Elaine is talking to someone named James. Indulge myself in brief thought of James. Tell myself I am a dork. Remember that Beth said last night that someone found her site through searching for “Karaoke at The Chalet” and “Beth and Dana.” Decide to see the most recent searches on my account.

6:18 PM – Set up reminder to log out that I was going to do seven minutes ago.

6:30 PM – Breathe a sigh of relief that I hit publish at 6:11 PM and so only lost what I had written from 6:18 PM because the stupid browser decided to freeze and then was not responding so I hit yes to close the site and then it decided that meant I really wanted to close all of the websites I was looking at. Go back to searches.

6:34 PM – Think to myself “Hey. It might be a good idea to hit publish so I don’t lose everything again.” Hit publish.

6:45 PM – Reminder pops up. Ignore it to post the most interesting searches that found my site.

*Name of person who has vanished into thin air – Interesting. I wonder who is searching for him. If they find him, would they tell him it isn’t nice to abandon your friends?
*A picture of my breast. Here you go, Larry.
*Taking off red panties – What? Now I am scared.
*How do I know if I’m vomiting bile? – I would think that if you are vomiting bile, you’ll figure it out. It is gross.
*Duck strangle – Leave the ducks alone!
*“Mel at the Chalet”
*Duck on a pound picture – What?
*F*cked by gangsters because of husbands debt videos – Oh, dear Lord. That is very disturbing.
*So i married an axe murderer-mike myers-this poem sucks lyrics – I love that poem.

Log off of computer. Goodbye.

6:48 PM – Walk past bathroom. Wonder if I should go to the bathroom before I leave? No. There’s no time.

6:50 PM – Reach bus stop. Reach into purse for book and to dig out bus pass so I am sure I have it when the bus arrives.

6:50 and 30 seconds PM – Realize that I don’t actually have my bus pass with me. It’s in my wallet which I am not using anymore because I switched purses. Crap! And I don’t have any change because I bought 3 cans of Mountain Dew today. Curse you, Mountain Dew! But I have a five dollar bill. I do not have time to run back to the office and ask anyone for change.

6:51 PM – Run into Subway. I’ll buy a cookie. That will give me change. Oh, my GOD! There’s a line. How can there be a line? Ask really cute Hispanic guy if I can go in front of him because I’m just buying a cookie. He says yes.

6:52 PM – Wait impatiently as quite possibly the worst cashier in the world is still ringing up some guy’s sub. Does not give him his glass for his pop. Customer asks for the glass. Cashier says “Oh, yeah. I got distracted.” Great. You’re an idiot. Could you ring a little faster? It’s a cookie! How hard is that?

6:53 PM – Quite possibly the worst cashier in the world is completely thrown off when I ask him for a dollar in quarters. I watch him count the quarters. “One, two, three…(long pause)” I want to scream “It’s four! There are four quarters to a dollar. Are you a complete moron?” He then hands me back my change.

I really hate it when people give you the dollar bills first and then the change. How can you not recognize how annoying that is?

6:54 PM – Run back outside. Expect to see my bus turning the corner. But I am in luck. The bus is about one block away. Thank goodness.

6:55 PM – Sit down, pull out my book and start reading.

7:15 PM – Look up. Hey. Look at that. We’re on the Robert Street bridge. My stop is next. Perhaps I should be paying attention before I end up in Minneapolis (while I have never ended up in Minneapolis, I have ended up in very different places then where I want to be).

7:16 PM – Get off bus, stand at corner and wait for light to turn green. Shake my head at the young kid who is walking against the red light. Some day you’re going to get hit by a car, young kid. Where would you be then?

7:18 PM – Exit elevator and open apartment door. Put purse in front of Eddy’s nose so he can’t run out into the hallway.

7:19 – 7:30 PM – Talk to Jeff about my day. Tell him the bus fiasco. Talk about the boys that he is chatting with. Tell him that I’m going to go play on Keem’s computer and then eat something and then go online and finish this post and then go to bed so there is no rush for him to stop chatting. One of us needs to have somewhat of a love life.

7:35 PM – Feed Eddy treats that Keem bought him. Apparently he likes them so much that she has to hide them. Otherwise he will attack the bag.

7:36 PM – Eddy has finished eating his treats. Apparently the treats are filled with kitty crack because he is now racing around the bed, playing with the toys he left there (when he misses her, he will bring toys and put them on her bed. There are two tonight. Obviously he misses her a lot today).

8:05 PM – Jeff has run into Keem’s bedroom. “Are you all right?” he demands. I look puzzled. Oh. Yeah. I made a sound of frustration when I died yet again on this stupid, addictive game called Wonderlines. Okay, maybe it was more like a frustrated scream.

9:00 PM – Jeff walks by. “Stop making noises.” I can’t help it. This game is evil. EVIL! I have died yet again.

9:30 PM – Huh. So much for only playing for a little bit.

9:31 PM – Decide I am going to eat cream cheese and Cheez-its and just give up on the day. I am too tired to eat healthy and stupid Quizno’s closed at 6 PM and I couldn’t get the Caesar salad I was craving.

9:32 PM – I think I will watch CSI: Start rewinding the tape.

9:33 PM – I hate this stupid VCR and the stupid VCR remote. I don’t want to record! Stop it. Damn it, I’m replacing you with tivo. Someday. Maybe in the next decade.

9:40 PM – Accidently rewound the entire tape. Am forwarding through a whole bunch of soaps. Keem watches them. I do not (mainly because I do not have the attention span to keep track of who is sleeping with who or vanished or come back from the dead for the 4th time). Huh. There appears to not be any CSI: Dang it. I will watch a movie.

9:41 PM – Decide to watch Bryan’s DVD. It is perfect. Neither Keem or Jeff will watch it and they are not here to complain. Put the DVD in the DVD player.

9:42 PM – Realize that I left the DVD remote on the coffee table. I am at the dining room table. Oh, well. I’m too tired to watch a movie anyway.

9:43 PM – Walk by Jeff in Keem’s room. Tell him good night.

9:45 PM – Start writing up every thing that has happened since I left work. Pet Eddy when he wanders by.

11:16 PM – Finish updating. Okay, yes, I’ve read a few other posts and checked some email. Realize that I cannot keep my eyes open. It is time for bed. Look forward to a day of leisure tomorrow, surfing all of the other day in the life posts I didn’t get to today.

Good night all.

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