Years ago, when the Sheepsheadians used to meet at Perkins every night and play Sheepshead (hence the name), one night we came up with a mock Mastercard commercial. I was going to put it into cross stitch for Beth’s birthday and even started it but seem to have lost the project. I’ve felt guilty about never finishing this project but it would no longer be fitting today since it is a rare occasion when the remaining Sheepsheadians get together to play cards. Beth is the only one who works nights.

The mock Mastercard commercial was this:

Gas to Perkins – $10
Food at Perkins – $20 (after tip)

Watching the 9 of Diamonds take a trick – priceless

Sheepshead. It’s everywhere you want to be.

So I was thinking about this mock commercial and how much fun it was and I thought, hey, maybe I could make a new one up.

What do you think?

Gas to the Chalet – $10
Soda at the Chalet – $20 (after 70% tip)*

Watching drunk women dance with ketchup bottles and play air guitar – priceless

Karaoke. It’s everywhere you want to be. But best when at the Chalet.

I figure I could maybe do some musical notes around the border and I might even be able to find a pattern for a ketchup bottle.

*Beth insists that it is soda. I prefer the term pop myself but it is her (extremely) belated birthday present so I suppose I can make this sacrifice (and I now have Hello, Goodbye from The Beatles in my head (You say soda. I say pop)). Imagine martyred sigh right here.

Anyway, speaking of karaoke, it was great fun. There were not a lot of drunks. There was, however, a large group of people that walked in and one of them approached Becky at our table.

Extremely enthusiastic woman who looked vaguely like a horse (EEW): Hi!
Becky: Hello (said slowly to indicate “Do I know you? Why are you talking to me?”).
EEW: We came here in a limo.
Becky: Really (said slowly to indicate “And I care about this why?”)
EEW: It’s really cool. You should go check it out. It’s a NASCAR limo.
Becky: Oh. That’s nice (said slowly to indicate “Ah. You are white trash. That explains everything.”).*

*Disclaimer – I am sure that there are very nice people out there that are NASCAR fans but c’mon, people, there have to be limits. If you do not want to be considered white trash, follow these simple guidelines.

Do not decorate your trailer with NASCAR pictures and wood paneling (I used to live in a mobile home. Living in a mobile home does not automatically make you white trash. Your decoration style, however, makes a big difference between tasteful and inexpensive and two steps away from moving to Kentucky to marry your sister).

Do not send out your emails with the signature line that says “Number 1 Elliot Sadler fan! Number 1 somebody else fan (a Sadler as well, I think)! Go Elliot! Go other person!” Signature lines should be fun and exciting and promote something interesting, such as your blog.

Do not wear your NASCAR jacket that is covered with endorsements for various NASCAR people. It makes you look like a race car. Are you a race car? A tasteful patch or emblem for one driver would be acceptable. Even better would be a tasteful patch or emblem for Batman. Batman is cool. NASCAR is not.

If you are going to insist on wearing your NASCAR jacket that is covered with endorsements for various NASCAR people, do not drive a car that you have decorated with bullet hole stickers. Looking like you have just left a shoot out between your clan and the Feds is (how do I say this tactfully), well, tacky.

If you are going to get a theme limo, a much more tasteful choice would be a limo from the 1950’s. There are several of them in Minnesota. They are pretty and red and shiny from all of the chrome. NASCAR limos frighten me. Even though I did not go to look at the NASCAR limo, I am quite sure that it was not pretty and red and shiny.

After the NASCAR crowd left (apparently they did something that ticked off Dan but I couldn’t understand a word that he said. I really need to look into getting my hearing checked or maybe start learning to read lips), karaoke continued at a much more normal pace.

Bryan came up with a new game. Instead of going to the wheel, he went to page 10 in the book, chose a song from that page and decreed that, going forward, we would go in order and choose a song from the next page. This was actually a lot more fun than going to the wheel. We had an actual selection to choose from and there were a lot of songs out there that we didn’t know that were in the book. There was even the opportunity to trade pages if you knew absolutely nothing on your page. It was a lot of fun.

Crap. Lunch is over. I’m going to publish this now. I’ll try to update more tomorrow. If you need more info, I suggest you read this post again and speculate.