Okay, I’m a bit early but that’s okay. We’ll deal with it. I had to post this today because today is Keem’s birthday and we are awfully fond of her. Well, I’m assuming that all of you are fond of her as well. I’m really not using the royal “we” here. I try to avoid that. People think I am daft enough as it is. Someday, they’ll recognize me for my great and awesome powers but for now, I’m willing to just sit back and observe. Who of you will be in my court when I come into my powers? Who of you will be banned from my presence forever? I’m watching you. Mwahahaha.

It’s probably not a good idea to do the evil laugh when you’re trying to convince people that you’d be a good Queen of the Universe, huh? Pretend you didn’t see that.

Thirteen Reasons Why Keem is Great byDana, Queen of the Universe

    1. She is very funny and makes me laugh. Lots.
    2. She convinced me to apply for the job at Stock Owner Services and has agreed to have the same schedule as me so I don’t have to take the stupid bus.
    3. She will (usually) listen to me whine (or, as I like to refer to it, creatively complain). She does draw the line at the following items – I am not allowed to say “Keem, I am dying” when I have a cold and I am not allowed to say that I am tired on Mondays and Fridays because I chose to go to karaoke and therefore did it to myself.
    4. She will remind me when my shows come on and can even be persuaded to tape them for me. Plus, we watch a lot of the same shows and it is fun to discuss the outcome.
    5. She is very helpful at reminding me that I have a budget and there are things I should not spend money on. She is the voice of reason.
    6. If not for her (and Beth), my life would be Chaos. Instead it is organized Chaos.
    7. She is the best cook ever. Even better is that she actually likes to cook and that is why I do not exist on an all Ramen noodles diet (I like Ramen noodles but 3 times a day would be excessive). Even better is that she understands that tomatoes are evil and I never end up having to worry about finding them scattered willy-nilly throughout my food.
    8. She likes movies just as much as me and often suggests that we partake in double features. And the occasional triple feature.
    9. We like to read a lot of the same authors so we’ll share books and avidly wait until the other person finishes to book so we can discuss it with each other.
    10. She remembers the practical things like laundry detergent and dishwashing liquid and cat food when we go to the store (I remember the more fun things like ice cream. Ice cream is very important). She also understands that I cannot live in a mustard free household and reminds me when we are running low. Or reminds me that we already have mustard and I don’t need to buy a new bottle (Sometimes I panic over the possibility of being mustard free). She also understands that Plochman’s mustard is the best and French’s is a close second and that, under any circumstance, never will I eat Heinz’s mustard (although I prefer their ketchup).
    11. She will share her ice cream with me when I only bought a pint of ice cream and she bought two boxes of ice cream bars and I am jealous over her plethora of frozen treats.
    12. She loves my cat. My cat loves her. Maybe a little too much since he seems to spend more time with her. But it is fun having someone to discuss your cat with and all of his little idiosyncrasies (and understand when you panic because he is sitting in Jeff’s former room in the dark, silently mrowing to himself and will come to the room and talk to him with you about how it’ll all be okay).
    13. She will humor me when I say things like “Keem! Keem! The birds! Did you see the birds, Keem? Did you? They were flying! (Or hopping or sitting around thinking bird thoughts)” Usually her response is “Yes, Dana, those were birds (or squirrels or BALLOONS!).” And when I say “I like birds” she will say “Really? I never would have known.”

    There are many other reasons why Keem is one of the best friends ever but these are the top 13. I could keep going but I’ll stop.

    Happy birthday, Keem! For your birthday, I will buy you Monk Season Two and you will receive it around the same time that you get Monk Season One which I am buying for your last birthday (yet another reason she is awesome. She won’t let me buy it for her because it’s not in my budget).

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