*What Janis really meant.

I haven’t seen him in approximately two weeks. I’ve done okay. I’ve gone whole minutes where I haven’t pictured him in my mind, that stupid half smile that makes me weak. I’ve thought “Hey, I’m over this. Unrequited love sucks and I want nothing more to do with it so I’m going to be strong and forget about him. We’re friends. I can handle this.”

Yeah. Right.

He walks in the door and my heart leaps.

I ended up saying to him last night “You know, I love you but you’re really irritating sometimes.” And then had to cover it up by saying it was one of his little indiosyncracies instead of what I wanted to say which was “Hello! I’m right here! We’re supposed to be together, you idiot! And please stop touching me because it makes me crazy and I just want to grab you and kiss you! ARGH!”

I’m trying to decide which is worse – the minute possiblity that something might work out or knowing that it never will. I think sitting next to him, adoring him as much as I do and knowing that he doesn’t see me the same way I see him, is quite possibly the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Of course, it could be worse. He could live 25,000 miles away from me.

God, I just want to punch him sometimes.