I just want to let you all know that I am having a crappy day. And when I say crappy day, I mean literally.

Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to go to your boss and say “Hi, Cheryl. I need to run home and get a change of clothes because I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time.” It is highly embarrassing. It is beyond embarrassing. It is horrible and depressing and God, I just want to go home and cry. But I can’t because I am a) out of vacation time and b) one illness away from going on a formal warning and losing all of my special projects and I’m sorry but you are not taking my special projects away. Fortunately, Cheryl (who I LOVE) drove me home so I didn’t have to take the bus.

I am feeling like the proverbial camel who has had her back broken by one too many FREAKIN’ proverbial straws. I have to eat. I am aware of this. Food is important because of the whole nutrition aspect and all. But the constant running back and forth to the bathroom every five minutes (that might be a slight exaggeration) is wearing on me.

Please God, could we start the New Year now? Maybe a do-over for me? How about a new Commandment – Dana shalt not be horrifically embarrassed by her bodily functions ever again? Is that too much to ask?

Beth, please forgive me but I will not be going to karaoke tonight. There’s no way. I just can’t handle this anymore. I am hoping against all hope to finally be over with this stupid freakin’ plague I’ve been attacked with to be able to spend a worry-free evening on Sunday.

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