Yeah, so I’m a little behind on the blog posts. And the checking of the blogs. I’ll get caught up, I promise. Please remember what time of year it is. Do you know? Do you? The time of year that I HATE!

Yes. It is tax season. I hate tax season.

So I have much to tell you, my friends. Let’s start with this for my mom who is probably still waiting for an email about the results of the tests that I mentioned in the Pennies From Heaven post.

Mom. Please reread this sentence. Perhaps it will help you know why you haven’t heard me mention my tests lately – “Several years ago (2002 to be exact) I had what I refer to as “The Cancer Scare – Act 1 and 2.”” Surprise! I don’t have cancer.

I had a great weekend. Spent it over at Beth’s. It was a long weekend, starting Thursday and ending this morning at 3 AM (I hate Mondays!). I ran out of my apartment this morning at 6:30 and hopped in the nearest cab. No way was I going to attempt the bus.

This has been my day so far.

3:30 AM Curse the fact that there is only one working phone jack in our entire apartment and it happens to be in my room so the really cool phone we have that allows you to have multiple cordless phones scattered through the apartment has to be plugged in my room and the outlet nearest the phone jack decided to only work in one of those little plug in things (whatever they are called) and that’s the one connected directly to the light switch so I had to unplug my lamp and plug the phones in there and now I don’t have a light in my room and 0h my God, have you ever tried to set up a CPAP in the dark? Not fun.

6:00 AM Hit the snooze alarm. Go back to bizarre dream where Beth and I are stalking this couple so we can convince them not to break up because they’re so fun and happy and we love them and we don’t really know them so I’m not really sure who they are (not Bryan and Liz, I’m pretty sure it was Richie and Lina from The Class. Except that Beth doesn’t watch The Class with me, Keem does so I’m really surprised that it was Beth stalking the couple with me) and they had this really weird fight where she took her bike onto the elevator and then he was mad at her because there wasn’t enough room for his CAR (in his defense it was a one seater and was probably the size of an open umbrella. And it was orange. It kind of looked like an open orange umbrella, now that I think about it, except of course that there are not many umbrellas that have steering wheels. And so Beth and I are following them around and we come across the controversial Bayer aspirin commercial being filmed where Bayer is going to be the First! Ever! Company! to film a commercial using the “F” word. Yeah. The line was “Fuck! I have a headache. But I’m going to take Bayer Aspirin and it will be okay.” Hopefully Bayer will not sue me or decide to film this commercial.

I know. I don’t understand me either. Beth and I are standing there, begging these people not to break up because they bring us such joy. “Don’t panic but we stalk you. But we’re not bad stalkers. We’re not going to kill you or lock you up in our basement or anything. Neither of us have a basement.” I really don’t understand why they were so concerned.

6:30 AM Get out of bed. Realize that I do not have time to shower. Decide it doesn’t matter that I smell like cigarette smoke from being in bar for hours last night because people pretty much avoid me on Mondays. Apparently I’m a little cranky. I don’t know why they think that. I’m sure it is normal to snarl at people when they are perky. Talk to Keem for a little bit about the fact that she completely SUCKS and is not going to work because she has jury duty.

6:45 AM Stare at cab driver in disbelief as he drives past convenience store I told him I needed to stop at. Disbelief doubles when he pulls into small gas station. What did he not understand about the conversation? What?

DM: I need to stop at the convenenience store on the way.
CD: Okay. Which one?
DM: I don’t know the name but it is on the left side of the road.

The small gas station is neither convenient OR on the left side of the road. It is on the right side! And they do not have breakfast like food (or even lunch like food because I have been known to eat hamburgers for breakfast). They have Mountain Dew (thank God). And a lot of
Cheetos. But Cheetos Puffs or Cheetos Flaming Hot! Not the regular Cheetos that I like.

7 AM: Listen to voice mails. All 16+. I had a broker leave me approximately 15 voice mails. All asking me the same thing. If I don’t call you, maybe it is because I’m not able to call you. Leaving me a voice mail every 15 minutes will not make me call you any faster!

Anyway, I have real posts to write but not a lot of time right now. Maybe later. Hope you’re all well.

Oh, I leave you with this. I fell in love this weekend. Her name is Zoe. And she’s pink and pretty and I would marry her. Well, if she wasn’t a camera. Yes. I named my camera. What’s your point?

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