I haven’t done one of these in a long time.  And I wasn’t planning on it this morning.  But sometimes, life throws you a curveball.

Warning – this version of my morning has been rated R for the usage of really, really bad words.  However, since I am sending this from work, I will need to be creative to avoid the Spam censor.  I’m sure that isn’t the right name for it but it works.

7:15 AM Wake up because Kalli is currently waging war on my feet.  Apparently my feet have crossed her in some way and she must avenge herself.  This usually happens every morning, especially when she thinks I have slept long enough and need to get up and FEED her NOW!  I used to be able to hide my feet under the covers and this would thwart her but she is now too smart for that and will go under the covers to continue her attack.  Power to the Kitty!

7:16 AM Stumble my way to the kitchen.  Pour myself another cup of ambition.  And yawn and stretch and try to come to life.

7:16 AM         Realize I am not Dolly Parton and don’t particularly like coffee.  Plus, we don’t actually have any coffee.  Go and take my shower.

7:17 AM Walk into the kitchen.  Stumble because Kalli is under foot because, in case you were not aware of it, walking into the kitchen means that it is food time.  She is disappointed because, just like every other morning, I am only putting the wet food into the dishes so Keem and I can leave without an exodus of kitties.  I no longer put the dishes on the counter immediately adjacent to the living room because Eddy has figured out how to get on that counter and set a bad example for his little sister one morning by eating his food ahead of time.

7:18 AM Start coughing.  What the Fudge is this?  There is no coughing.  I just got over my stupid cold (and was out sick on Monday because of one last bout with vomiting.  Lucky me!) and I am not going to do this again.  Cough some more.  Realize that my throat is sore and my nose is stuffed up.

7:19 AM         Curse a lot!  Dagnabit!  Son of a Biscuit!  Fudge, fudge, fudge!

7:20 AM Realize I need to take the Chinese Coptis.  Dread this greatly.  Check the expiration date on the juice I bought the last time we went to the store.  It is expired.  DAGNABIT!  Dang that Keem for not letting me buy the Simply Orange with Pineapple Juice that I wanted desperately last night.  Mock her as I check the refrigerator for anything that could be substituted as juice.  “You don’t need juice, Dana.  You can get juice when we get paid.”

7:25 AM Stare at the Coptis with fear and loathing.  There is nothing juice like in the fridge.  I’m going to have to take it with water.  It is quite possibly the most disgusting substance in the entire world and tastes like burning.  I add the half dropper-full to the water and slam it down.

7:26 AM Tell Kalli if she doesn’t move, I am going to throw up on her.  Rush to the sink and fill glass with more water.  Drink quickly.  Tell myself repeatedly that I am not going to throw up.  Do not throw up.  Life is good.

7:27 AM Go and wait in the living room for Keem to get ready.  Check the news about the debate last night (which I watched part of until Kari, Keem and I all got really annoyed with Senator McCain and decided we had enough.  Then we watched Project Runway.  Yay, Kenly didn’t win (love her clothes but hate, hate, hate her attitude.  No one should ever talk like that to Tim Gunn (he’s so sweet.  I love him)).  Sad that Korto didn’t win because her clothes were beautiful and colorful and if she ever made anything in a plus size, I would snap it up in a heart beat.  LeeAnne won and her clothes were very beautiful and 60% of them were made with sustainable products which is very exciting).

7:47 AM Maybe.  I might have lost track.  Kim is ready.  I lean down to pick up my book (Certain Girls by Jennifer Wiener.  I love her as well) and start coughing again.  Keem says, in an annoying sing song voice “Someone’s getting sick.”  I explain about having to take the stupid Coptis with water.  Keem laughs and says “Oh.  I guess I should have let you have juice last night, huh?”  My answer is a resounding YES!

The rest of the day has been spent alternately coughing and cursing, blowing my nose repeatedly and deciding that regretfully, I will not be able to go to karaoke tonight.  I must rest and conserve my strength for this weekend because I am going to Beth’s and we are going to scrapbook and I will destroy any FUDGING cold that dares to stand in my way!

The End.  I apologize for my very bad language.  I must add that I actually do use the word dagnabit in real life.  It is fun to say.