A while ago (read anywhere from last year to 2-3 years ago, if not longer), Beth and I were having a discussion about religion and how it can be annoying.  Well, I guess it isn’t so much religion that is annoying but the people who follow the various ones.  Now I’m born again but I like to think I put the FUN into fundamentalist, not the Creepy, annoying people who just won’t leave you the heck alone and like to tell you how your sinning is horrible, blah, blah, blah, you don’t believe what I do so you’re damned (just don’t tell me that I’m damned for-or all time (sorry, Jesus Christ Superstar got stuck in my head for a moment.  Oh, Judas, how I love you)) people.  Wow, what a tangent I went on there.

Point.  I’m born again but many of my friends are atheist or agnostic.  No big whoop.  I am against organized religion personally.  And the Flying Spaghetti Monster amuses the heck out of me.

Anyway, this one day Beth and I were amusing ourselves by coming up with responses to people who feel it is their duty to tell you how horrible you are.

Some of our responses (Okay, the first two were during the conversation.  The other ones have just been added as time goes by):

Q:  Have you found Jesus?
A:  Yes.  But he was hiding in my closet so I had to get a restraining order.

Q:  Have you found Jesus?
A:  Yes.  He’s my co-pilot.  But he was flying while drunk so they took his license away.

Q:  Have you found Jesus?
A:  Yes.  But he’s a scary alien Jesus who burns people with his stomach.*

*That was a weird dream.  Funnier than heck but still, weird.

Q:  Have you found Jesus?
A:  Yes.  He’s a Pirate*.  Arr, my child!


*This post also recounts how I won Pirate Porn.  For a picture of Jesus.  If that’s not hell worthy, I don’t know what is!

But this?  This made me giggle incessantly for a good minute.

Q:  Have you found Jesus?
A:  Apparently he was on the book shelf the entire time.


Oh, God, please don’t strike me down for giggling.  I’m sure you found it amusing as well.  I’m hoping you’ve got a good sense of humor, that’s about the only thing that explains the crap you’ve put me through since I’ve turned 40.