Liz (who I discovered a month or two ago and who has made me chortle over her online dating stories and also makes me want to be a better person because of all of the animal rescuing she does (Not enough to give up meat but I will admit to feeling vaguely guilty every time she talks about being a vegetarian (or vegan.  I get them confused))) recently posted interview questions that were asked of her.  And also asked if anyone would like to be interviewed.

Hmm.  Talk about myself?  Open my soul and spew out the inner-most workings of my mind (which is odd and bizarre but you knew that)?  Let me think about that.  Uh, yeah!  I mean, I do have a category specifically entitled “It is all about me” just because, gosh darnit, this is the one little corner of my universe where everything I say does matter.  

This is the email Liz sent me (after I left a comment saying “Where the heck are my questions, woman?  Where?):

It would probably have helped if I had not inserted an extra letter into your email address.  I wonder why it didn’t bounce back.  Maybe there’s a very confused “greenduckiesgirlS” somewhere, wondering why I’m asking her questions.  Hee.
Okay, here they are.  Kind of silly, but…I know you’ll make the best of them.

1.  For the last year or so, my life has seemed like one long round of “Mystery Date”–I keep opening the door to find “The Dud.”  What board game has your life resembled lately?

Um.  I have no clue.  I think the best I can come up with is the non-existant cross-over version of Life crossed with the Buffy the Vampire Slayer game (which, yes, I do own but no one will play with me).  Not that I routinely go around kicking vampire ass but I do have to deal with a lot of stressful situations at work and I can pretend they are vampires.  It keeps me from pulling out my hair.

Yesterday I was looking at Post Secret and saw one from someone who said he routinely pretended he was on the Star Trek bridge and that helped him get through his day.  Whatever works for you, right?  I love my job but sometimes I want to scream.  A lot.  This was the post card.  Isn’t it awesome?

2.  I’m going to pinch a bit of this question from one of Stefanie’s to me:  What one glorious day would you most like to re-live?  And, as a corollary, is there one day you wouldn’t mind removing completely from your memory banks?

There really are a lot of great days that I can remember but I think one of the best was when Beth and I were in Portugal, the day that we took the train to Evora.  I mean, yeah, we got lost twice but it was such a spectacular day all around.  Plus, I got to touch a Roman temple.  How cool is that?

Bad days?  Probably the day I met the former friend I mentioned in the previous post.  I honestly think if I would never have met him, my life would have not taken that long, drawn out bump where I was trapped in an abusive (verbally) relationship without realizing it.  It’s amazing how you can see so clearly when it is someone else but if it’s you, you don’t have a clue.  If that doesn’t count, maybe the day I decided to move to Madison.  That was not a good choice either.

3.      Okay, the bad news is you’re stranded on a desert island.  The good news is, there’s a completely gorgeous man on the island, and he is crazy about you!  You happen to be in possession of one of your favorite books, so you can read when you’re not busy canoodling with Castaway Boy, and (magically!) there’s also an endless supply of ONE of your favorite foods, which you’ll be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  So–what’s the book, what’s the food, and what’s your pet name for the guy?  Oh, and you’re allowed one (magical!) phone call (which won’t get you off the island)–who do you call?

Ooh.  Gorgeous guy, huh?  I could go for that.  The book is hard to decide because I do love to read so very, very much but I think I would have to go with The Princess Bride by William Goldman.  That book makes me laugh and cry and laugh some more, plus I have the added bonus of being able to run the movie through my mind so it would be a good choice.  Unless you’ll let me slide with the Complete Works of William Shakespeare?  No?  Okay.

Food is tough.  As much as I love steak (sorry), I would have to say I think I would get sick of it after awhile.  I’m going to go with boiled dinner because there’s so many aspects to it – you’ve got your ham (sorry again), your potatoes, carrots and cabbage.  So you can change it up.  I never eat boiled dinner without butter and pepper so I am assuming they’re part of the magic.  Either that or bread, cheese and butter.  I could eat a loaf of bread and butter in one sitting (I don’t (not anymore, at least)).

Pet name for my gorgeous man?  I am fond of Dude.  I call everyone Dude.  Honestly, I’m not one for lovey-dovey nicknames.  Maybe I’ll add an extra “E” or two to his name, depending on what it is.  Like Kim became Keem but Beth is definitely not a Beeth.  Although I imagine he’ll be referred to as the Dread Pirate Roberts at least once.  I am hoping the magic forces that are providing me with food and a phone call will also supply a black mask.

As for a phone call, I am going to say that I will call Keem and my sister and Beth will just happen to be there at the time.

4.  Congratulations!  We can each banish one annoying person from public view permanently.  (They won’t die, or anything…I’m not hypothetically making us murderers.  They’ll just become invisible to cameras and reporters.)  I’m picking Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher.  Who do you choose?

Hmm.  Oh, the choices.  Well, there’s Tom Cruise whom I have hated for years (some people say this is irrational and I really can’t blame him for Goose dying in Top Gun but I disagree), I wouldn’t mind if he disappeared.  If we could get rid of all the Kardassians, I’d be okay with that.  They just annoy me with their vapidness and I can’t figure out why they’re famous.  But if we had to pick the one person I would rejoice over his disappearance, it would need to be Ryan Seacrest.  I dislike him immensely.  In fact, I tend to tell him this loudly whenever he is on the TV.  Not that he can hear me but still, it makes me feel better (ticks Keem off to no end though).

If you would have asked me this last month, it would have been George W. Bush.  But I think he’s going to disappear from view all on his own.  Thankfully.

5.  You’ve mentioned that it’s been several years since your last relationship.  I, too, went several years without dating (before I insanely plunged into the world of online dating a while back).  I don’t remember making a conscious decision not to date–it just sort of happened.  How did it work with you?  Was there a eureka moment where you just said “this madness must stop?”

Long story short?  It’s probably closer to ten years since my last “relationship.”  It started out fairly simply, I had an ex-boyfriend call me up and want to come over.  I knew what he wanted but decided it wasn’t worth shaving my legs for.  So, when he started putting on the moves, I said no.  It was liberating, actually.  You see, for years I had such a low self-esteem problem that whenever a guy showed any interest in me, I felt it was my duty to sleep with him.  This led to a lot of degrading experiences.  And when I would actually get involved with someone for more than one night, I tried to change myself into what I thought they wanted.  So instead of being the funny, sarcastic woman they first met, I turned into this clinging, paranoid whiner.  I hated that.  

It was tough at first but I realized I didn’t need a man to make me happy.  Especially since none of the guys I ever dated made me happy (well, one did but that ended badly) and I didn’t make them happy (although they didn’t deserve me) so what was the point?  As time went on, the more I thought about it, the less interested I became in the whole male-female dynamic.  I’m pretty happy being single and I don’t have to shave my legs so bonus.  

I don’t know if I’ll ever decide I want to start dating again.  I think I’m fairly selfish and don’t want to adapt to the whole dating thing again.  However, I think I could be very happy with an android boyfriend.  I think Gene Roddenberry ruined me for real men when he created Data.
6.  My favorite song to sing at karaoke is the Patsy Cline version of “Crazy.”  I love Patsy Cline–my parents met her backstage at the Grand Ole Opry a few months before I was conceived (I have a picture) and I think some of her spirit lingered in my mother and came out in me.  (Okay, I don’t REALLY think that–but it’s a fun thought.  I CAN sing the hell out of her songs, though.)  What’s your favorite karaoke song, and is there a fun back-story?

I really like singing Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “I Feel Lucky.”  I don’t really have a back story for it but I like to imagine having that kind of day.  Win the lottery, have two guys fighting over you.  Although I suppose that might mean I’d have to date the winner.  But hey, he could be an android, right?