My sister and I are talking today because my co-worker that I ride with is filing short term disability and I need to find a new ride to work.  Kari says “Get your license.”  I snap.  Maybe a little irrationally because I just realized I’ve gone a few days without taking my Effexor but still, I also think that it’s a little justified as well.

Getting my license is not going to solve all of my problems.  Yes, I would like to get my driver’s license some day but there’s a couple reasons why I haven’t done that.

  1. Driving a car terrifies me.  I have such a short attention span and you want to put me behind the wheel of a gigantic car?  Um, yeah, maybe not such a good idea.
  2. Getting my driver’s license is not going to magically solve all of my problems.  You know why?  Because it doesn’t mean anything.  In order to drive, you need a car.  In order to have a car, you need insurance.  In order to have a car and insurance, you need money.
  3. I don’t have any money.  I am so in debt right now that I’m not really sure what I’m going to do.  I owe a ton of people money and am getting the lovely collection calls.  As soon as I pay off one creditor, another one shows up.
  4. I am thinking about filing for bankruptcy.  I don’t know if I’ll actually do it because, well, let’s be honest, I can’t afford it.  I may check into one of those credit counseling places and see if they can help.
  5. Every day I eat two packages of Ramen noodles for breakfast/lunch because that’s really all I can afford.  My roommate is so frustrated with me right now because I owe her a ton of money.
  6. And getting my license is supposed to help?  Really?  How?
I know people aren’t trying to be insensitive when they say it, I know that it’s got to be frustrating taking me places all the time but really, suggesting I get my license doesn’t help.  All it does it make me feel even more worthless.
Sometimes, I just want to disappear.  Become a hermit.  Then I wouldn’t be such a burden on everyone.
God, sometimes I can be so melodramatic.  But this did help a little bit.  Thank you for reading.
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