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Hi. It’s been awhile. September of last year, to be exact.
Anyway, how are you? Excited or disappointed that the Mayans were wrong (or people fussed over nothing). It’s starting to feel a bit like a verse from my absolute favorite episode from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Once More with Feeling, like that’s a shock to anyone that knows me. Oh, Dana likes musicals? Quelle surprise!):
We’ve all been there
The same old trips
Why should we care?
You know what I mean? After the Y2K furor, the pastor last year that predicted the world would end twice (and was wrong both times), and the 12/21/2012 predictions. Did you know that there were actually people that pulled their kids out of school? How embarrassing, right?
Anyway, nothing’s really new with me. I’m still working at the same place, I am still not working on the electronic resource (but don’t actually mind anymore), we still have two cats. I need to get a camera because Eddy and Kalli are way cuter than my phone’s or iPod’s camera can handle.
How are you?
In one week, I will be 42 (March 11th, in case you are wondering). I realized this today when looking at the calendar to figure out what day it was (I have 3 calendars scattered around my cubicle and I still can’t figure it out half the time. Yesterday I decided it was September 1st). I announced this to my co-workers without the panic that usually accompanies my realizing I’m going to be a year older.
For many years, a former friend of mine would say “Hey, Dana, it’s March 1st. You’re going to be (insert age here). What have you done with your life?” Then he would list off all of his accomplisments and compare them to mine. I, of course, was not as awesome and wonderful as he was since I didn’t have children or own a home or ever done anything worth mentioning.
It got to the point that March 1st would roll around and I would plunge into a dark depression. And then it became February 1st and then January 1st and you get the picture. Plus the depression would take forever to break.
A lot of things worked to help me get over this:
- I started working at NABABNA and met Beth and Keem and their families. It feels like I have one big extended family.
- My sister and I are close and I spend every Wednesday night with her. My family has been a great support system.
- I stopped hanging out with people who seemed to only care about themselves and what I could do for them.
- I haven’t seen former friend in years. I rarely think of him. While I’ll always be grateful to him for convincing me to start working at NABABNA, it is nice to be away from someone who once told me my only purpose in life was to be someone people could make fun of since that would make them feel better about their lives. Um, yeah, former friend? Bite me.
- My doctor, after a few tries, found an anti-depressant that helps. While I know I’ll be taking Effexor for the rest of my life, I’m okay with that. I have been around me when I forget my meds and believe me, I am not much fun. I’m either plunged into the depths of despair and thinking about killing myself or very manic and doing really dumb things like gambling away my rent money.
- I started blogging and met all sorts of awesome people IRL and through the internet.
- I read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe.
For years, if you ask me what the meaning of life is, I will respond with 42. I can’t help it. It’s just ingrained in me. It’s the same thing that makes me growl at the thought of vampires that sparkle (I don’t get this, actually, I read maybe one or two chapters of Twilight and all it did is make me really miss Angel and Spike) or still be disgruntled over the fact that Data died in the last Star Trek: TNG movie (which I haven’t seen yet but I read the transcript). Once I find something I love, it sticks with me.
So the idea that I’m going to be 42? It’s like the coolest thing ever. There’s no depression. There’s no twinge that maybe I could have done something better in the past that would have led me elsewhere. I have an absolutely fantastic life and I have all of you to thank for it.
Kalli is fine – she has been spayed and declawed (we didn’t want to get her declawed but it is a requirement of our lease unfortunately (please don’t hate us, Liz)). She is apparently being affectionate and quiet (this was a shock to hear) and we can pick her up tonight. Eddy misses her, last night he was wandering around the apartment looking for her. We look forward to spoiling her like crazy and taking many pictures of her with a cone on her head.
And other odd things I’ve done lately. With bullet points!
- I have a strange fascination for hair.
- If someone has their hair in a ponytail, I have a tendency to bat at it.
- Most of my co-workers are used to this.
- But I may have frightened one of them today.
DM: Your hair is pretty.
Pokes at shiny barrette.
DM: And you have a shiny thing in it.
- Yesterday Christy was wearing these dangling, shiny earrings and was standing at my desk, asking me a question. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see my hand reaching towards her.
Christy: What are you doing?
Instead of responding like a normal person, I start batting at the earring.
- Keem typically had to tell me to stop playing with the air freshener in the car.
- I stopped doing that because I don’t care for the dolphin air freshener, it doesn’t bat very well.
- I like to see how far I can get with annoying Keem before she snaps. Sometimes she’s fine with it and then other times, she has the “You. Shut up NOW” look and I know it is not worth it to continue.
- Yesterday we were at Target and found a small stuffed rabbit and duck that someone had abandoned in the candy section of the check out lane.
Keem: These are cute.
DM: They have been abandoned. We should rescue them!
Keem: They’re only a dollar each.
DM: Yes, we should adopt them.
Keem: I get the duckie.
DM: They should be together.
Keem: They can stay at my desk, I need Easter decorations.
DM: And every day I can come over and re-enact the adventures of Duckie and Bunny.
I pick up the stuffed animals and start making them dance, humming a little tune. The cashier starts laughing. Keem sighs.
Keem: You are such a dork.
DM (to cashier): Sometimes I like to see how much I can annoy her. Like talking about the farm we’re going to buy when we’re old and where we will raise kittens.*
DM: Want to talk about the farm, Keem?
Keem: You. Shut up NOW.
Okay, she didn’t actually say that but she did raise her hand up in a “Please get away from me, you freak, you are driving me insane” motion.
*This is something I usually do when we’re driving somewhere and I want to read but she’s not in the mood to let me read . But if I jabber at her long enough, she’ll usually let me.
- Speaking of cats, Kalli had her rabies shot last week. She does not care for trips to the vet, mainly because we make her sit in the cat carrier instead of scampering all over the car like she would want. We’d be okay with this, if she didn’t automatically make a bee-line for Keem’s feet. Have you ever tried to drive a car when there’s a cat at your feet? It makes having to brake interesting.
- In the cat carrier, she starts doing barrel rolls in an attempt to destroy the carrier. It’s actually kind of funny but she also yowls like you wouldn’t believe.
- While I was waiting for our appointment, she was expressing her displeasure to the world.
Kalli: MROWWWWWWWW! (Translated to mean “Oh my GOD, you humans are so cruel!”)
DM: Yes, yes, your life is so terrible. No one loves you.
Vet Receptionist: Starts laughing because it is the same tone you would use with a teenager. It’s a tone we use with her often.
- She will be spayed next week. It should be interesting to see if she mellows out at all.
- Eddy seems to be much happier to have her around than when we first got her.
- He’s been chasing her around the apartment and it is seriously cute. You can also hear him calling for her when he’s in a playful mood.
- You know what is fun? When you get a free song from iTunes that you completely love and then a couple of months later you hear it on the radio. It makes me happy for the artists. I love Free Music Tuesdays, I’ve found some great songs because of it. Don’t always care for every song but it’s still a cool idea and I’m glad they do it.
- Okay, lunch is just about over. Hope you are having a good week.
Snort. Yeah. Like I’ve ever given an unbiased movie review in my life. Either I really, really, really like the movie or I absolutely hate it (there have been a few, not every movie is the BEST! MOVIE! EVER!).
Anyway, this weekend, even though it was freakin’ cold outside, Keem and I decided we wanted to go to the movies. After talking to my sister, it was decided we were going to make a girl’s day out of it. The movies chosen for the day were “Paul Blart, Mall Cop” and “Inkheart.” I had lent Kari my copy of “Inkheart” and she had finished it in about a week, which, for those of you who do not know my sister, is a miracle. Kari and I are exact opposites when it comes to reading – I personally feel that I need books more than air and Kari is not overly fond of reading. In fact, when I actually see her with a book, I may actually squeal with glee. Having a kid seems to have changed her mind though, she is starting to read more.
So we told Kari we were going to Inkheart at 12:40 but soon realized we gave her the wrong time. Mall Cop started then. I reached Eric and told him the situation. He said he would check with Kari to see if she wanted to go to Mall Cop with us or if we would just meet her for Inkheart.
The phone rings and it is Eric.
Eric: She wants to see the fat man fall down.*
*I later found out that this is not what Kari said. This was Eric’s comment.
We met Kari at the Marcus Theaters and proceeded to go see Mall Cop. Without giving tons of spoilers away, may I just tell you that this movie was awesome? Not only is Kevin James a genius when it comes to slapstick but there is also a gang of bad people that break into the mall and proceed to do really, really, really, really cool stunts on bikes and skateboards (I love this stuff. I have been trying to convince Beth and/or Keem that we should go to the extreme motorcross thingy. Oddly enough they both laughed hysterically and said no). Plus, Leader Bad Guy? Hot. Although I have a weakness for bad guys so I may be somewhat biased (fictional bad guys. Real-life bad guys are rarely ever hot and also appear to be very stupid).
Inkheart was also fantastic. The movie is based on the Cornelia Funke book of the same name and there have been changes. I was able to overlook the changes (which is weird because typically I freak out over this sort of thing. In fact, I had the worst time watching Hercules (with Kevin Sorbo) because I kept pointing out “That wasn’t what happened.” Because mythology is always so true to life, you know) and just lose myself in the movie but that may have been because the movie stars Brendan Fraser (I love him so much) and when I read Inkheart, I had pictured him the entire time (the author actually based the character on him. How cool is that?).
Both movies were fantastic. What was not fantastic was Keem tripping and falling at the end of Inkheart (she’s okay now but was pretty sore after it happened) and the comedy of errors that happened to Kari and myself. Between her losing her keys (and later finding them in her purse) and her mittens (later finding them on the pay phone where she realized she couldn’t find her keys) and my misplacing the headset (hearing amplifier thingy?) I need so I can follow dialougue and later finding it by the trash can, there was a good 10 minutes spent searching for stuff.
Afterwards, we went to Ruby Tuesday and enjoyed a good lunch. You have to love a place that has Craisins for their salad bar. And flavored iced teas!
I am not sure how the Petsmart walk went for my mom but I do know she made her goal.
So very tired. Tax season is starting (oh joy) and yesterday we had 54 calls in queue. Thankfully I did not have to answer any of them but it could still happen.
Convinced former fake fiance Jamie to go to SA for me and buy me two one-liter bottles of Diet Coke. I am really starting to crave the stuff and nearly freaked out when I realized the pop machine was out of it. I didn’t even think about getting Mountain Dew instead.
I love having my iPod at work. When I start falling asleep, I put it on the fastest song in my playlist (OK GO, Here it goes again) and walk around the building. If I play it twice, I can circle the building twice (on the inside) and get my heart rate up. It helps keep me motivated and awake.
Hope you all had a great weekend!
I’ve mentioned that Beth makes me watch dramas, right? She had me watch The Good, The Bad and The Ugly a few years ago. Damn good movie. Wow, Clint Eastwood is hot.
- I love music. It is one of the most important things in my life (probably right after reading and above breathing (hey, breathing is important but if I couldn’t read, I probably wouldn’t care if I could breathe either).
- Keem and I were listening to the radio this morning and “Juke Box Hero” came on. I was instantly transported back into time to a hay ride. I am not sure how old I was but I remember I was in junior high? It is amazing how a song can bring back a simple memory like that and nothing really important happened.
- Tom Petty’s “Last Dance for Mary Jane” came on after that and Keem suddenly said “I worked at Kwik Trip almost 20 years ago.” Say what? That’s what her memory triggered, working in the deli when she first heard the song.
- Speaking of Tom Petty (and gosh, how I love him), if you are looking to have weird dreams, watch the DVD of videos Beth has before going to bed. The videos are very cool but also quite strange and you will dream of aliens. I think there were aliens. Beth might remember better than I (and isn’t that pathetic, having to rely on your friends to remember a dream you had awhile ago. God, I’m old).
- I finished my laundry. Woo-hoo (although if your roommate tells you should be able to consolidate 4 washer loads into two dryer loads, find out what setting you should put it on. Minnesota in winter is not a good place to go running around with damp pants). I also found some shirts I haven’t worn in awhile because I tossed them into the corner to wash later (about a year and a half ago) and am today wearing the fish shirt! I love the fish shirt (It’s blue with white fish stencilled on it).
- Still cold but hey, it’s above zero! And my bones don’t ache this morning. That’s a plus!
- I love that my last post was whining and both Sheryl and Patti focused on the positive. That rocks.
- I have lived in Minnesota for 40 of my 41 years (the other year was in Wisconsin). You would think I would know better. What happens to a 12 pack of Tab if you leave it in the trunk of your roommate’s car all weekend?
- That’s right! It explodes! Yay!
- Although, I did only lose 2 out of 12 cans so that’s okay. And bonus, frozen Tab is easy to clean up and also tastes kind of yummy. Perhaps I will make Tab popsicles.
- ARGH! Exploding can of pop! Where are the paper towels! ARGH!
- Make that 3 cans. The one that expanded as far as it possibly could without bursting did not respond well to being opened. Sigh.
- Kalli is still just as vocal, if not more. She will not shut up. But she’s cute so we’re keeping her. For now.
- Also, she is the most anal retentive cat I have ever met. She has taken to expressing displeasure with her litter box by peeing in bags and boxes. So far they have all been empty but we need to nip this in the bud. We are thinking about teaching her how to use the toilet since she’s already managed to flush it once.
- She is going to need to be spayed soon. I am not looking forward to that expense.
- Every Sunday (or Monday, depending on what I am doing), I look forward to reading Post Secret. Yesterday there was a post card from someone who said they would rather die prematurely than wear their CPAP mask. This confused me, I don’t see any logic in this (I know. Me searching for logic. Amazing). The CPAP isn’t the most exciting thing in the world but it helps me breathe. And breathing is good. But then I thought, hmm, Dana, you know, you’re kind of doing the same thing by not using the insulin Deb suggested. So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to start jabbing myself even more instead of taking metformin. Hopefully this will work well and you won’t find me shivering in the bathroom, glaring at the needle. I would like to think that my fear of needles is more logical than not wanting to wear a CPAP mask but have decided it is not.
- I was playing on Pogo this weekend and some random guy asked me to chat with him. Okay. Why not? Checked his profile, he is married with five kids. Probably safe, don’t have to worry about attempted flirting or anything.
- We somehow got on the subject of laundry and I said someday I would hire someone to do my laundry for me. It is my least favorite chore (although I do enjoy cleaning the lint trap). His response? Hire a naked guy.
- Why would I want a naked guy doing my laundry? First of all, I live in an apartment building and that wouldn’t go over well with the other tenants. Also, I hate laundry. Why would I watch someone do it, naked or not?
- One of my co-workers responded to an email with “Thanks, Dana, you rock. No, I mean you HOP!” It took me forever to get this and I kept wondering “Am I a bunny? Am I going to a sock hop? Why would I think sock hop? Does anyone go to sock hops anymore?”
- Finally I asked what she meant by this and she responded “Because you like frogs.” I think you could have heard my “OHHHHH” about a mile away. Sometimes I am awfully slow.
This amused me. Perhaps it falls under Random. But it made me think of the dating scene and how glad I’m not a part of it. Random Pogo guy asked me about sex and I said I gave it up for Lent 9 years ago (moral of this story, married men with 5 children are not safe. Typically if you chat with someone, the subject always turns to sex. You’d think I’d learn this by now). Anyway, one of the blogs I recently started reading (Hi, Liz!) has included some incredibly amusing stories about online dating and I thought of her when I saw this.
How I’ve Been Found
I am loving Word Press. I was fooling around on my dashboard today and saw Blog Stats. I used to do this every once in awhile, weird terms that people have used to find my blog and today’s was pretty interesting.
Such as co-worker back itch? Really?
El Camino fifth wheel towing? Cool.
But the one that made me laugh the most was:
The Devil Went Down to Georgia Ryan Seacrest.
Not sure what they have to do with each other BUT it does kind of tie into my thinking he is the devil.
Last night Keem and I came home to see a package in the foyer. Was it a new mask for my CPAP? No. It was from Las Vegas.
DM: It’s from Vegas.
Keem: Joe in Vegas?
DM: Probably. I love the fact that you know that.
Keem: He’s the only person I know that lives in Vegas. I’m excited! What did he send? I’m opening it for you.
And then she ripped the box out of my arms. There were cookies! Yay! I completely forgot Joe was sending cookies. For a brief moment I was expecting something clown related and was frightened. Keem marveled over the really cute star one.
In lieu of pictures of my cat, I bring you LOL Cats
I will post pictures of Kalli and Eddy soon but my cord for my camera is missing. I suspect Kalli stole it. I suspect Kalli of everything. With good reason. The little brat decided she had to push Pig off of the buffet this morning. Fortunately he did not break (Pig, for those of you not in the know, is my first piggy bank. He was later married to Pigette and their offspring is named Pig Junior. Yes, I am weird).
Last night, Keem and I decided to watch Die Hard. We had been flipping through the cable channels the other weekend when Josh was over, trying to find a good movie for him. While he’s allowed to watch some action movies (Transformers, the 3 Ninja movies), we quickly changed the channel.
Josh: What’s that movie?
Dana: That is not a Josh movie.
Keem: That’s a mommy and daddy movie.
Josh: I bet it is an Auntie Dana and Kim movie.
Dana: That is true. And one that I hope to watch with you when you are old enough.
So we taped it (I love having a DVR) and watched it last night. While I still find Bruce Willis attractive so many years after first seeing Die Hard, there is something about a young John McClaine that makes my heart pitter patter. And Alan Rickman. Sigh. Also still hot now but damn, he was so pretty.
I love action movies. For me, a “good” movie is one with lots of stuff blowing up and at least one car chase (or, as in the case of Independence Day, a spaceship chase). Beth and I tend to differ in opinion on this, she prefers her movies to have a plot as well. While I prefer to skip dramas, she can usually convince me to watch them and then I get ticked off if I like the movie. She made me watch The Departed the other day and I really enjoyed that although was seriously upset because it made me find Leonardo DeCaprio attractive and I didn’t like Matt Damon. It’s usually the other way around.
I didn’t really have a point here. Other than the fact that I think Hollywood has spoiled me for real men. How can I date anyone unless they can cock a shotgun with their armpits (The Rundown reference. Mmm, that was a fantastic movie)? Not that I’m actually looking to date but you know what I mean.
It is hard to believe that it is 2009. It just doesn’t seem possible. I spent the remaining few hours of the New Year at work. I was finally done with all my monitorings at 8:45 or thereabouts. I rang in the New Year at Beth’s, watching the ball drop and trying so desperately hard (and failing) to not laugh at Dick Clark. I think it is so sweet that he’s still doing this and Beth and I agree, he does look like he’s in his 50’s still but the first thought I had was that they animated a wax dummy. I know. I’m going to hell. I would also like to know why the network thought “Hey! Let’s replace him with Ryan Seacrest! What better way to say Happy New Year than dealing with a No Talent Hack?”
I have very strong feelings about Ryan Seacrest. I hate him. I also am not fond of Taylor Swift. Or her hair. I am hoping that this is not an inkling of 2009 for me. Can it bode well that I spent the early moments of it filled with hatred towards Ryan Seacrest and Taylor Swift? Probably not.
The rest of the weekend was spent at Beth’s for the 2009 Scrapbooking Extravaganza! I finished Evora and the Chapel of Bone for Portugal. Only almost 4 years from the date of the trip. Sigh. Next is Belem and the monastery. We did not make snowmen but I am not really surprised by this. We have an aversion to the cold and snow is typically cold and wet.
I came home early Monday morning, hoping to collect my keys from the security guard and get to bed. Instead my keys were not there and my sister, brother-in-law and nephew were still in my apartment (they watch the cats when Keem and I are not there). Apparently they decided to spend another night. I was greeted by Kalli, Eddy and Sebastian (Kari didn’t want to leave the Demon Cat by himself while they were enjoying Hotel Keem and Dana) who followed me around for a good hour and all ended up in my bed. It made me feel welcome and missed, having 3 cats pawing and meowing at me. Kari thinks Kalli might be in heat to which I say “Oh, dear God, no. ” She was following Sebastian around a lot and flaunting herself, the little floozy. But I did catch her trying to search for milk on him, something he didn’t seem to care much for so that might be what she wanted.
I hope you all had a great weekend and a safe New Year celebration. I’m looking forward to catching up with all of your shenanigans!
It’s been busy at work this month. I have more calls to monitor than last month and I’m also responsible for helping with the updating of our internal web page resource so I’m torn. Monitor calls or update the resource where the reps are getting their information from. I’ll learn how to juggle things soon, I hope.
I have a new Co-worker who sits by me. She’s a very sweet girl and has been very nice to me (will massage my back when she can tell I’m extra stressed out, has bought me lunch a few times when I was between paychecks and she just happened to be headed over to Subway, has brought in a glazed donut that she picked out especially for me because she knows I love them (and then told me I couldn’t have Mountain Dew because I had a donut and I can only have sugar in moderation)) and we’re even joking that her unborn child will be Jamie and my grandchild (since I also have decided I want grandchildren without the trouble of having children) because she is young enough to be my daughter. I mentioned that she’s very sweet, right? Really, really sweet.
She’s driving me insane. She is, in a word, perky. Or peppy. Or, and this is my personal favorite, annoying as all fuck. Oh, wait, that’s not one word? Too bad.
On Halloween she came over to my desk and expressed dismay that I had not dressed up.
I, being the cranky bitch that I am, responded with something along the lines that “I don’t dress up.”*
*When I told Beth, James and Liz this, they responded with a lot of “Hello, do you remember your Queen of the Universe costume?” and “What? You do!” until I had to say “I forgot, okay?” and then they responded with “Well, why didn’t you just tell her that” and I finally said “Because I don’t like her! She annoys me!”**
**It’s not so much that she’s annoying as that she is relentless in her cheeriness.
I like to delude myself that I am a upbeat person. I can be upbeat. I can be optimistic. Sometimes I even walk around and sing songs. They are usually random songs and may consist a lot of la’s but still…they are songs.
Beth called me a cynic once & I was horribly insulted.
DM: I am not a cynic! I’m an optimist. I’m optimistic! I am!
Beth: Dana, your favorite website is despair.com.
I like to maintain that this is not the point. How can you not like despair.com? It’s the best website ever! Some of my favorites – Motivation, Madness, Burnout, Bitterness, Pessimism, Power and Wishes. I own Motivation and Burnout in the attractive Desktopper. I also own the coffee mug that says “This glass is exactly half empty.”
Hmm. Maybe I am a cynic.
Anyway, when I was promoted, part of the requirement was that I move to a new desk. This was exciting for me because, hello, new shiny desk! I like moving (I just hate the whole moving process). And, as much as I hate to admit it, moving is one of the things that will get me to clean (or throw a lot of crap into boxes at the last minute).
I found out where I was going to be sitting and liked the location. I’m close to Keem’s new desk, right across the aisle from co-worker Jessica (she’s the other QA person here) & close to a bunch of cool people.
Guess who is now sitting across the aisle from me on my left? Go ahead. Guess.
Why, yes, that is right. It’s co-worker Viviacious (fake name but pretty close to her real name).
When she found out we were going to be row-mates, she was very excited.
V: Yay! And we can talk to each other and braid each other’s hair and…
DM: I am going to kill you.
The next day, I was walking down the hall & she grabbed my arm and cuddled up against me.
V: Hi, neighbor! This is so exciting! We can have slumber parties and…
DM: Please stop touching me. I will have to kill you now.
DM: Because…because…um…because you’re perky!
She finds this hilarious and starts saying things like this to drive me insane.
Our first day next to each other, she tells me about a dream she had.
V: So you, Alec Baldwin & I are running a race.
DM: I’m assuming I lost.
V: No, we both did. Surprisingly, Alec Baldwin is very fast.
I lost it. She was just so matter-of-fact about it.
Last month, I was complaining to Beth about this new seating arrangement and how she is driving me nuts (Vivacious, not Beth) and what am I going to do?
Beth: I hate to tell you this, Dana, but she sounds like a lot of fun.
DM: She is! But that’s not the point!
Co-worker Eric is very amused by this. He wants emails about the struggles. He’s expecting ones from her that are all “lalalalalala” and ones from me that are all “make her stop!!! Make her stop!!!”
It’s been almost two months now. So far I’ve let her live. I even let her hug me.
Co-worker V: Lalalalala (I have no idea what she was saying, I was trying to ignore it).
DM: Do you ever shut up?
Keem: Dana! That’s mean!
DM: What? I let her hug me. I get to be mean to her for the rest of the day. It’s our rule.
Co-worker V: Yep.
You know what the worst part about this is? The fact that she reminds me of me and how I used to drive Former Boss Mike crazy with my random la’s. I guess Karma really does get you in the end.
Co-worker Laurie sent this to me today, knowing I’d get a chuckle from it. And I did. So I’m posting it. Which is pretty much what my title says anyway but, hey, I am all about stating the obvious.
The pastor asked if any one in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, ‘I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.’
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. She continued, ‘Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They
were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim’s scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.’
Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, ‘Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say with time, his scrotum should recover completely.’ All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked to the podium. He said, ‘I’m Jim and I want to tell my wife, ONCE AGAIN, the word is STERNUM.’