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So that means it’s Bullet Point Monday!  Woo-hoo!

  • Went to Fogo de Chao yesterday with Keem, Beth, Beth’s mom Laurie and Laurie’s boyfriend, Scott
  • It was fantastic.  Hot Brazilian men carrying gigantic slabs of meat around with them.
  • Not knowing the names of the Hot Brazilian men, we started referring to them as “Beef Ribs guy” and “Sausage Guy.” 
  • The whole premise of this restaurant is you have this little circle in front of you that you can either flip over to green (which means go) or red (which means stop) to control the amount of meat brought to you.  Keem had flipped it over and was watching avidly who came over to serve us.
  • Laurie mentioned that Keem could tell them no and Keem replied “I know.  But I feel bad for the Sausage Guy.”
  • This made us all laugh and I found it so funny that I started snorting.  Laurie said “It’s okay.  Tomorrow he gets to be the Sirloin Guy.”
  • For dessert I had Creme Brule.  This is the most perfect dessert ever.  I would eat it every day if I could.  Yum.
  • After dinner, it was off to Beth’s house to hang out in her backyard and play Sheepshead.  We also brought her laptop outside and watched Mamma Mia.
  • I love this movie.  It’s so funny and cute and who doesn’t love Abba?
  • Every movie I see Meryl Streep in, she just impresses me more and more.  She’s always a different person – you don’t look at her and say “Oh, that’s Meryl Streep pretending to be so and so.”  No, she is that person.  Plus, she can really sing!
  • Pierce Brosnan is very cute but he can not sing.  He sounds like a somewhat sick frog.
  • My favorite number is Christine Baranski singing “Does Your Mother Know?”  I love that song.
  • I have been begging Keem to take me to the library for about a year (possibly longer) and she has resisted my pleas.  You can imagine how excited I was when my doctor told me we should check out a book about diabetes management from the library.  When I told her to emphasis library for Keem’s sake, she said “Heck, I’ll give you a prescription.”
  • I was telling Beth about this yesterday and her response was “Yeah but when you go to the pharmacy with a prescription, they only let you get the one item.  So Keem doesn’t need to let you take out more than one book.  If only there was an over the counter library.”
  • Sigh.  Beth is conspiring with Keem on thwarting me.  It’s very sad.
  • Stupid bronchitis has not gone away completely.  That is irritating.

Nothing else is really going on.  How are all of you?


I go forever without a new post and when I finally have something to write about, it’s because tonight I lived up to the category entitled “Miss Adventure.”

It’s Thursday.  I went to the Chalet with Beth.  Had to go to the bathroom so headed off there while Beth and Bryan talked about Star Trek (have not yet seen it.  Want to go now!).  I try to open the door and fail.  Hmm.  Something’s preventing the door from opening.  Try again.  Still not working.

I walk over to the bar and ask Annie if something is wrong with the bathroom.  She is puzzled and says no.  John gets up from where he’s talking to a couple people.  He walks me over to the door and in a smiling manner, pulls the door open.  

Yes.  I tried to open a door by pushing when I should have been pulling.  Good Lord.  I’ve been going to this bar for at least 6 years.  I’ve used that bathroom for years.  And tonight I completely forgot how to work a door.

While I am washing my hands, I hear a sudden burst of hysterical laughter.  This is when I realized that John told Beth.

DM:  You JUST had to tell her, didn’t you?
John:  Of course I did.  That was awesome.
Beth:  I think this is the best thing you’ve done in years.

She then proceeds to tell John about other things I’ve done that have landed on the not so bright scale.  Like the time we went to McDonald’s and I reached into the bag, pulled out all of the napkins and wiped my face with them.  Beth looks at me and said “Gosh, it’s not like I needed a napkin or anything.”  She still has not let me live this down.  

Or the first night I spent over at her new house and managed to put a hole in the wall by falling out of bed (the trundle bed fell over with me and there’s a nice hole where the wheel sunk into the wall).

And then, of course, she brought up the Fish Hook Saga.  John proceeds to tell us how he’s managed to hook himself twice while fishing.  The first time in his arm and the second time he had a fish hook land in his head while he was up in International Falls.  Apparently going to the hospital to remove the hook stuck into his SKULL was not an option – because that would result in losing too much fishing time (45 minute trip by boat back to the car and then two hours to the hospital).  No, instead his brother used a needle-nose pliers and a pocket knife to fillet it out of his head.  Yikes.

Beth said to him “Yeah, but you didn’t do it on purpose, right?”

John has a new respect for my idiocy now.  Great.  At least when I’m going to pull a stunt like this, there’s only 6 people in the bar.  Sigh.

Beth (random times throughout the night):  I can’t believe you didn’t try to pull it open.  Just push twice and ‘Oh, it must be broken.’
DM:  SHUT UP!  Annie?
Annie:  Yes?
DM:  Tell Beth to shut up.

Annie smiles and walks quickly away to laugh hysterically at me.

Ah, friends.  Because if you’re going to be mocked, it’s good that it’s by people you care about, right?

Other than having the plague and managing to pass it on to Keem (which she was completely thrilled about, let me tell you), I did have a great weekend.

On my way down to the lobby to meet Beth, I got onto the elevator to see a somewhat punkish but polite young man.  We exchanged nods.  Two floors later, this group of annoying preppy people pile onto the elevator.  There’s seven of them.  Five are on the elevator and two say they will take the next one down.  Someone on the elevator says “Oh, c’mon, we can make it.”

So I smush into the corner as much as possible while they debate back and forth about whether the two will get on the elevator.  Finally the two get on when one of the five says “We’re holding up the elevator for other people.”

Which, hey, nice that they acknowledged us, right?

So Mr. Drunky McDrunkerson gets on the elevator (did I mention they were all wearing green?  And that it wasn’t even 7 PM? And he was carrying a beer?) along with the 5th member of the “Oh, gosh, we’re so pretty and blonde and shined and buffed to the nines and let us giggle incessantly on everything Mr. McDrunkerson does…because he’s so hot and gosh, I like him” girls.

McDrunkerson waits for the elevator door to start closing and then makes this weird little sound and sticks his leg out.  This makes the automatic eye stop the elevator door. 

OH!  You’re so funny!  HAHAHAHA!

He does this FOUR times!  Four. 

I was about ready to kill him.

Finally, one of the girls tells him to knock it off (I don’t think the other guy spoke one word) and he listens.  The other one whines about how he never calls her.  What?  Why would you want him to call you?  He’s an ass.  A drunken ass.

When I got into Beth’s car, I gave her permission to run him down.  She did not.  Sadness.

Beth and I scrapbooked Saturday night until about 4 on Sunday morning.  Sunday we went to pick up Char and meet Keem in Minneapolis where we went to see the Gilbert and Sullivan Very Light Opera Company present Ruddigore.  This is Beth’s favorite of the Gilbert and Sullivan plays (operas?  Operettas?  Whatever) and I was able to see why.  It was hilarious and skewed society even more than G&S usually did. 

After the operetta let out, we journeyed through Minneapolis to Fogo de Chao which is a Brazillian steakhouse.  Neither Keem and I have been there before but we plan on coming back many, many times.  It was fantastic.  As Char put it “There’s all this meat walking by and they keep bringing us beef.”  What’s not to love?  Handsome men with accents, great food and creme brulee for dessert.  Creme brulee is my favorite dessert ever.  I had gone to the bathroom and there was a conspiracy with the attractive waiter to surprise me.  Yay! 

It was time for me to make a wish and I closed my eyes.  I was drawing a blank.

DM:  I don’t know what to wish for!  I have everything!*
Beth:  Do you have an android boyfriend?
DM:  Oh!  No, I don’t!
Char:  Dana wants an android boyfriend?  What?

*This is the miracle of happy pills.  Just four days ago, I was completely miserable.  Once the chemical balance is dealt with, I can recognize how great my life is (well, except for bills.  They suck).

After dinner, Keem went home and I journeyed with Beth to drop Char off and then go scrapbook for a few more hours.  I’m getting further with my Portugal album.  I might even finish it before the 5th anniversary of our trip there.

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Today Beth and I spent a lot of time scrapbooking. We also met Char for dinner at Texas Roadhouse. As always, when Beth and I spend time together, there are some weird things being said. And yes, usually they are from me.

I was telling Beth about Co-Worker Rykken’s response when I said I didn’t understand why Bryan was not famous and Nickelback was. Rykken had said “I often wonder about that myself.” Rykken has never heard Bryan sing but understands the evilness that is Nickelback (for one thing, I hate the way their name is spelled because I always want to type Nickleback. That just makes more sense).

DM: I don’t know why I hate them so much.
Beth: I don’t know, maybe because they’re no talen hacks who have tortured all of America. And at least some parts of Canada. I think they’re from Canada. So probably all of Canada.

I have just completed a layout for my Portugal album (only 2 1/2 years after the trip, of course).

DM: Pretty. Pretty pages. Pretty.

I may have been stroking them gently.

Beth: Okay, that was weird.

We have gone to Texas Roadhouse. Our waiter has taken our order for appetizers and walked away.

Char leans over to Beth and says

Char: I may be wrong but I think our waiter might be gay.
DM: For a young ‘un.

Beth and Char stare at me blankly.

DM: Eh. I’d do him.

Beth and Char start laughing hysterically.

DM: You didn’t say he was cute, did you?

Beth looks at me sternly.

Beth: Did you put socks on today?

Char almost spits out her pop.

Beth: That sounded kind of weird, didn’t it (or motherly or something)?

Char looks confused.

DM: I don’t like to wear socks.

Our waiter walks up.

DM: I don’t believe in Winter.
Waiter: Okay.
DM: Tries to explain in a rational manner. Fails.

See, the thing is, if I wear socks, that means I am acknowledging Winter’s exhistence. And I like to pretend the son of a bitch doesn’t exhist. It doesn’t work very well.

Char: Is that like not believing in fairies?
DM: I believe in fairies. Just not Winter.

Beth orders a baked potato with her meal. She asks for the butter and sour cream on the side. I also order a baked potato and ask for the potato to be loaded but want the butter and sour cream on the side. The waiter looks at me. I feel that I need to explain.

DM: I like to eat the cheese and bacon first.
Beth: I don’t think you needed to explain your dining habits.
Waiter: I don’t think that’s crazy.

It is obvious he is lying from his expression. This is revealed when I return from the bathroom and found out that he told Beth and Char that he thought not believing in Winter was a little nuts.

We come back to Beth’s to scrapbook. Char is going to hang out with us for a little while. I am becoming frustrated with a page layout. I am staring at the paper trimmer, trying to figure out measurements (never a good thing).

DM: Are these real inches?
Char: No. they’re fake inches. They’re posers.

I hold up the piece of paper I am trying to trim.

DM: Well this is 8 inches, right?
Beth: I don’t know.
DM: Well, it’s supposed to be 8 inches. It’s 8 1/2 x 11 inch paper.
Beth: Then it is 8 1/2 inches.

I realize what I have just said. Beth and Char laugh hysterically. Beth hands me her pencil.

Beth: Write that down.

DM: I am being mocked again, aren’t I?
Beth: Rightfully so.
Char: You’d think you’d recognize it by now, it happens so often.

It has been a good weekend. And now I am headed home. Hope you had a good weekend.

It is getting to be close to the end of the month and I am very stressed out. Work has been crazy busy and I am extremely tense. My work load seems to have doubled and it is insane. But I have a nice weekend planned. Beth and I are going to scrapbook like crazy. I am looking forward to it.

Last night we went to karaoke and it was really slow. At one point Beth turned to me and said “And this is why we still go to karaoke.” Bryan was singing “Halleluiah” from Shrek and it was beautiful.

This morning, Co-Worker Rykken asked how karaoke went and I was telling him and Christy about the song.

DM: I cannot understand why he is not famous and Nickelback is.

They were amused by that. I’ve mentioned that I hate Nickelback with the fierceness of a thousand burning suns, right?

Anyway, off to take a nap before Beth calls. Hope you all have had a good week.

Can you believe it is the 21st? The month is more than half over and I’ve made it every day so far. Amazing.

So Keem is telling me this morning about this odd dream she had. Long story short, she and Patrick Dempsey are wandering through this old building. Now I can think of worse things to dream about than spending time with Patrick Dempsey (had a serious crush on him after “Can’t Buy Me Love”) so I expect that this will be an interesting glimpse into my roommate’s psyche.

And boy howdy, it is.

Apparently the old building is filled with lions and sharks. Together. Living in harmony.

DM: Are they land sharks?

Apparently not. Nor is the building filled with water. But the sharks are getting around somehow and they are hungry. So are the lions.

Keem: So I run off and leave Patrick Dempsey…
DM: Wait. You left him behind?
Keem: Yes.
DM: What happened?
Keem: The lions and sharks got him.
DM: You didn’t go save him?
Keem: I’m not going into a room with lions and sharks!
DM: You let Patrick Dempsey die. I can’t believe you let him die. That’s so mean.
Keem: It was more of a “Save yourself” situation so I did.

After that, the dream turned into some weird thing where there was a fake T. Rex wandering around trying to kill Keem and one of our co-workers showed up and distracted the dinosaur with something shiny.

The dream reminded me of Saturday Night Live when it was funny and the Land Shark skit. I miss that skit. Let’s see if it is on YouTube. I couldn’t find it but I did find it here in case you need reminding of the greatness of the Land Shark.

I came across this picture on I Can Haz Cheezburger the other day and it made me laugh.

Last weekend, on our way home from La Crosse, I was getting really tired. Typically I am not allowed to sleep in the car but Keem was feeling sorry for me since it was a fairly hellish weekend (plus I took the hit from the exploding bottle of Welch’s Grape soda for her) so she said it would be okay this one time.

But then she turned on the CD player. In the CD player is the CD, something Beth made for Keem years ago (possibly 8) and it has some great songs on it (The Devil Went Down to Georgia) and some horrible songs (anything by New Kids on the Block). We don’t turn it on very often because it is skipping in a lot of places but when we do, the car transforms into the karaoke showdown.

Keem usually will not sing along in the car, not sure why. She’s got a good voice and used to be in choir. But not everyone is like me and not afraid to make their voice heard so I deal with it. Plus, she typically tells me to stop singing with the radio because “Dana, you’re not at karaoke.”

But this CD offers sing along options. There is the aforementioned “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” which is hugely fun. Keem and I will try to keep up with the Charlie Daniels Band but typically fail horribly. Then we have to start the song over again. So this is what it usually sounds like:

K & DM: The devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for a soul to steal
DM: He was in a bind ’cause he was way hind.
Keem: Hind? What’s a hind?
DM: A small deer. Shut up.

Then we start over.

K & DM: The boy said: “My name’s Johnny and it might be a sin,
DM: But I’ll take your bet, you son of a gret?
Keem: You’re gonna regret. Dork.

And we start over.

K & DM: And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.
Keem: But if you lose, the devil gets your sooooooul (completely off key). Crap!

And we start over. This might be one of the reasons why the CD skips.

Personally I think the devil should have won. His fiddle playing was much better than Johnny’s. “Granny, does your dog bite no, child, no” is one of the dumbest lines ever.

Also on the CD are some songs from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

There’s the Time Warp, of course, as evidenced from the above picture. I still do not know what the words are after “And then a step to the right.” I usually just sing nonsense words. Keem has not yet caught me. She might be singing nonsense words as well. Hmm, let’s use our good friend, Google. Oh! Well, that makes sense.

With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane
Let’s do the time warp again!

But the best possible song on this CD is sung by the wondrous Tim Curry. Any man that can look as good as he did wearing a corset and lipstick is fantastic. The little laugh he does at the end? Gets me every time.

So the weekend was kind of a bust but the road trip was fun. As long as you have good music and a good friend, the ride is more enjoyable. It would be better if we had a new CD made or maybe an iPod road trip doohickey but still, it was great.

Last month, Beth turned 30. She had a party at her house which we referred to as the milestone party. After all, so far this year she has bought a house, graduated from college and turned 30.

I spent the weekend so we could scrapbook and we had a lot of fun. Saturday, the night of the party, Beth and her mom ran up to Target so they could buy Catch Phrase. We had some time to kill and Beth had been telling me about the game so I wanted to try it.

Have you played this game? Seriously fun. The whole point is to get people to guess your catch phrase but you can’t say the word/phrase, something that rhymes or “It starts with this letter.”

The party was low key and that was cool with us. We sat outside by the fire (her mom and Scott (her mom’s boyfriend) brought over their fire pit) and told stories and laughed. Her mom cooked so there was sloppy joes, macaroni salad, cupcakes, the best chocolate chip cookies in the history of the world (Laurie is an excellent cook).

After every one left, Beth and I sat in the living room and played Catch Phrase. I can’t remember everything but there was this one clue I gave her.

“It’s yellow and it is my favorite weed and you can make a wish.” Beth correctly guessed Dandelion.

A little bit later, Beth gave me the clue “They swim.”

I shouted out “Dandelions!”

Yeah, that so wasn’t the right thing. Beth gave me the “You are a freak” look. I told her I had actually meant tadpoles. You know because they’re so similar to dandelions. Of course I got them mixed up.

Another thing that happened that weekend was on Friday, Beth made a pot roast for Laurie and I. I was sitting by her refridgerator where she has these magnetic bars (you can hang knives on them but eventually she’s going to use them to hang pictures). Beth turns around and sees me holding one of the bars to my head.

Well, obviously I need to come up with something logical to say. She’s got the “You are a freak” look (one I am so very familiar with) on her face.

DM: I’m trying to see if my head is magnetic. It’s not.

Beth turns to her mother.

Beth: In case you were wondering, Dana’s head is not magnetic.
Laurie: I better write that down. I might forget that.

I am mocked constantly. I don’t understand.

Anyway, the whole point to this is I had fun celebrating Beth’s milestones with her and Catch Phrase is an absolutely awesome game. I think part of the fun is the odd answers people come up with.

I want to start posting more. But lately, I seem to be at a loss for words and after reading some past posts of mine (does anyone remember alien Jesus?), I have decided that I’m not as funny as I used to be. Or I just don’t have a life anymore (damn you, Chalet for cancelling Karaoke Sundays! Damn you!). Something. Anyway, to sort of kick start my way towards NoBloPoMo (or whatever the heck it was), I thought I would vist the Flickr photostream of my past, pick some pictures I haven’t posted before and remark on them. Maybe I will find the funny again.

Today I bring you candy bars from Canada. These were purchased at the tiny truck stop/convenience store where Beth and I stopped for breakfast (mainly because we had driven for miles and it was the only place we found. And, I’d like to add, one of the best fried egg sandwiches I’ve ever had was served there). These pictures were taken on May 17th, 2006. And no, I have not yet scrapbooked them. Why? Because I’m still working on Portugal from 2005. I’m a slow scrapbooker. I admit it.

These are pre-Zoe pictures. I kind of miss this camera because it had a heck of a zoom but everything else sucked. It was too big, too bulky and did not work well with my shaky, shaky hands.

Our first picture is a marvel with its subtle subliminal hints.

Dana 3 104

Why yes, I will Eat-More, candy bar! Thanks for suggesting it!

And then we have a Kit Kat. Why, we have these at home! Canada and Minnesota aren’t too different. Viva la Kit Kat.

Dana 3 102

Oh, wait. This is an exotic Kit Kat. There’s a new addition to it. Let’s check it out. Mmm. Peanut Butter. How different!

Dana 3 103

Except doesn’t arachnid mean spider? I’m eating butter made out of spiders? I’m seriously disturbed now.

And now for the piece de resistance – the Mirage bar!*

*Aren’t you impressed with my French? So fitting when posting about Canada.

Dana 3 099

Featuring Bubbly milk chocolate!

Dana 3 100

If I remember correctly, the candy bars travelled back to Beth’s apartment and sat there for about a year. And then when Beth found them, I tried to eat one (can’t remember which one it was) and was seriously disgusted. Probably because the candy was stale. Not because I found any spiders.

There. A small snapshot (pun intended) of a great day where Beth and I proved once again that the smallest possible things are worth laughing over. The post from this day is located on Beth’s blog, where there are more pictures and tales of nuttiness. Including pictures of me hugging a tree.

So last night Beth and I went to Octoberfest at the Happy Gnome and it was, in a word, awesome. There was roast pig and music (granted, it was Martin Zeller and while he appears to be very talented, he sounds like Bob Dylan. But in a less annoying way (I am not overly fond of Bob Dylan). However, this made him difficult to understand. The guitar playing was nice, though) and people watching. There was beef brisket as well. Yummy beef brisket. I did not eat a bun with my pork or brisket. I did have potato salad because, damn it, I like it.

Plus Bryan and Liz were there and we like them. The Happy Gnome is the restaurant that Liz works at and Bryan was helping out by selling beer. There was lots of beer. I don’t understand the concept of beer but apparently it is important to have at Octoberfest. There were 4 beers that were called Something Octoberfest. That’s just not very original, people. I was intrigued by the New Holland Pumpkin Ale but then I remembered that Ale, like Beer, is disgusting. Bryan had a pumpkin on his table that had a hole and the word Tips carved into it. Apparently people would walk by, see the pumpkin and decide to tip him, even if they didn’t buy beer from him. He’s quite ingenious. Beth and I also tipped him. Because he gave me milk duds (well, that’s not why we tipped him but he is our friend and we would have bought beer from him except that it is disgusting).

We were supposed to hook up with Liz and James after Octoberfest so Beth and I decided to drive around, looking for something to do. Our something to do ended up that we drove around and looked at businesses (they fascinate me. It’s so intriguing to look at a name of something and wonder why they do. I mean, the ones that aren’t called such and such Chiropractic) and I babbled a lot and Beth laughed at me.

DM: We could go to Minneapolis and get our palms read.
B: We could.
DM: I’m sure they have a psychic somewhere.


DM: I really want to go get my palm read now.
B: Hmm. Let me see your palm.

I extend my hand.

B: I see you have a long life line and you would have more money if you stopped spending it on frivolous things.
DM: True.
B: Oh, and your love line starts later so that’s why you haven’t met the right guy yet. I’m pretty good at this.
DM: Yes, yes you are.

DM: Breadsmith. I bet they make bread there. Ooh. Pumpkin bread. That’s the problem. I can’t just walk in there and buy a loaf of pumpkin bread.
B: Because you would eat the entire loaf of bread?
DM: Yes.
B: Well, it could be worse. You could buy a loaf of pumpkin bread and then eat a loaf of onion bread. That would be disturbing (or confusing. I don’t hear well).

DM: We could go to the tatto shop and I could pick out my next tattoo.
B: What about my next tattoo?
DM: Oh, your tattoo too.
B: Laughs.

We then start saying tattoo too, tattoo too over and over again. Because we are dorks.

And then we started playing 20 questions. After about 40 questions, I was about ready to hit her because I could not figure out who the person she was talking about was.

DM: Let’s go stalk James. I bet he would know.

James calls. Beth is talking to him.

DM: Give me the phone.

Beth does.

DM: Okay, we’re playing 20 questions and Beth is driving me crazy. I need a famous actress who is blonde, married to a famous actor and is on a cable television show.
James: Kyra Sedgewick. The Closer.
DM: Kyra Sedgewick? Kyra Sedgewick? She picks Kyra frickin’ Sedgewick? Oh my God. Who is she married to?
James: Kevin Bacon.
DM: What? Kevin Bacon? I didn’t know Kevin Bacon was married. No one told me.
James: I am sorry they did not announce their wedding to you.

I went on in this vein for quite some time. Beth giggled. James laughed at me. I might have sworn some more.

We did not meet up with James and Liz but instead drove around some and laughed and played more 20 questions and had a great time. It was a good night. Did you have a good weekend? Was Kyra Sedgewick involved? Did you know she was married to Kevin Bacon?


Also, from co-worker Eric, the following conversation.

DM: Pig got married this morning.
Eric: Who?
DM: Pig!

Pig, for those of you not in the know, is my piggy bank. I wrote a haiku about him once. I bought him because I was going to use him to save up for my trip to Vegas for my sister’s wedding. Haiku is as follows.

I have a piggy.
His name is Elvis Vegas.
But I call him Pig.

Anyway, last night at Super Target, I saw Pigette (she is pink and is wearing a tiarra and a tutu (I can’t find a picture of her online. Stupid Target)). Quite adorable.

Eric comes and looks at Pig and Pigette, standing proudly next to each other.

Eric: You know, sometimes I come here and I am in real world (walks towards where Co-worker John and Co-worker Rykken sit) and then Fairy World (walks towards my cubicle). Real world, Fairy World.
DM: You know I’m blogging this, right?
Eric. Figured.

July 2018
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