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Kim made it through surgery fine.  I am so relieved.  There was a big fear bubble hanging over my head today that she wasn’t going to make it.  I logically knew that she should be fine but the not so logical part of my brain started screaming “Death!  Destruction!  Vampires in the closet!”

We have to wait about 5 days to know what stage the cancer was at.  I don’t know how long we have to wait to know if they got it all.  But for now, I can sit back and sigh a happy sigh.

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I hate waiting.  I am not a big fan of it.

  1. I am waiting for Kari to call me so that we can make arrangements for her to pick me up.
  2. I am waiting to find out if everything is going to be okay.
Kim is on her way to the hospital right now.  She is having surgery this afternoon at 12:30 CST.  She will have a full hysterectomy.
Almost two months ago, Kim and Kari were working out with our personal trainer, Brian, when Kim’s lips turned blue.  Kari, being quite efficient at her part-time job of nagging, told Kim to go to the doctor since one of the signs of a heart attack is blue lips.  Kim, being stubborn as all get out, resisted this logical and sane advice until it happened a 2nd time.  Kim went to see the doctor:
  •  It wasn’t a heart attack.
  • Kim’s iron level was very low so our doctor put her on iron pills.
  • Two weeks later, there was almost no change in her iron level so there was the discussion about heavy periods, etc.
  • Kim has the same problem I did years ago so there was talk about her having an ablation like I did.
  • Kim went to see other doctors and also got to enjoy the probing (ultrasound).
  • She had a mass in her uterus.  Could be a fibroid but let’s do some tests to be sure.
Long story short (too late), the mass is cancer.  We don’t know what stage she is in but there is hope that it is early and stage 1.  We won’t know until after her hysterectomy.  I am a nervous wreck.  I am sure she will be fine, all signs point to that, but it’s Keem.  One of my best friends.
So any prayers or happy thoughts you could send her way would be greatly appreciated.  And now I have to go, Kari just called.  At least one part of my waiting is over.

There’s these commercials for fibromyalgia or however it is spelled.  And I know it is horrible, blah, blah, blah and painful and etc.  But the commercials?  Kind of annoying.

Anyway, commercial lady starts by saying “There were days when my fibromyalgia was so painful and I couldn’t…”

Keem:  Fast forward?  Well, I can.

Or the car commercial with Howie Long for the Highlander where he is talking about Maggie, the smart little girl and how she’s a big girl?  This is Keem’s version of it:

 

This is Maggie, a smart little girl and this is a seat for some boring car called the Highlander.   And this is Keem fast forwarding through your annoying little commercial.

The DVR – best invention ever and also, a great source of laughter.

Although there are some commercials we will not fast forward through – I absolutely have to watch movie trailers.  Movie trailers are awesome.  If the commercial is actually funny, we’ll watch it.

Do any of you remember this one?  This is one of my favorite commercials of all time:

So Keem is telling me this morning about this odd dream she had. Long story short, she and Patrick Dempsey are wandering through this old building. Now I can think of worse things to dream about than spending time with Patrick Dempsey (had a serious crush on him after “Can’t Buy Me Love”) so I expect that this will be an interesting glimpse into my roommate’s psyche.

And boy howdy, it is.

Apparently the old building is filled with lions and sharks. Together. Living in harmony.

DM: Are they land sharks?

Apparently not. Nor is the building filled with water. But the sharks are getting around somehow and they are hungry. So are the lions.

Keem: So I run off and leave Patrick Dempsey…
DM: Wait. You left him behind?
Keem: Yes.
DM: What happened?
Keem: The lions and sharks got him.
DM: You didn’t go save him?
Keem: I’m not going into a room with lions and sharks!
DM: You let Patrick Dempsey die. I can’t believe you let him die. That’s so mean.
Keem: It was more of a “Save yourself” situation so I did.

After that, the dream turned into some weird thing where there was a fake T. Rex wandering around trying to kill Keem and one of our co-workers showed up and distracted the dinosaur with something shiny.

The dream reminded me of Saturday Night Live when it was funny and the Land Shark skit. I miss that skit. Let’s see if it is on YouTube. I couldn’t find it but I did find it here in case you need reminding of the greatness of the Land Shark.

I live in a whirlwind of excitement. Here’s why:

  • So we come home from work and Keem is refilling the treat bag (gallon size Glad bag that we pour a variety of crunchy treats into so it is mixed properly for Eddy (he’s spoiled. We admit it). Kalli is circling around Keem’s ankles, trying her best to convince us that she is starving and no one feeds her and she has to scramble for crumbs because we are so mean and cruel to her. And then she leaps! And grabs on to Keem’s shorts for dear life, her back claws digging into Keem’s leg. The next thing I know, Kalli is hanging straight down, her front paws holding on to Keem’s shirt. Keem is saying “Ow, ow, ow! Cat! Ow!” And I am in the kitchen, watching all of this. Do I run into the living room to save Keem? No. I am laughing hysterically and wishing I had my camera handy.
  • Kalli discovered how to get on top of the Entertainment Center last night. But she does not know how to get down and sits there and mews. So I rescued her. And about 15 minutes later, when I am in bed, sleeping like a normal person, I hear a crash. She has knocked over the shelf the VHS tapes are on (eventually we will get rid of them. It’s not like we have hooked up the VCR in this apartment) and is back on the Entertainment Center. Still hasn’t figured how to get down. I rescuse her again. Hmm. Perhaps I should move the small table she’s using to leap up onto the DVD rack and from there the Entertainment Center. That would be smart.
  • Keem just opened a box from Swiss Colony and is singing “I’ve got a box of mixed nuts, diddly dee” (to the tune of “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts”, in case you were confused). Hee!
  • If you thought getting the Despair.com catalog was the highlight of my month, you would be wrong. Clearly it was the Mustard Museum newsletter. Featuring a picture of the owner dressed as Edward Splatterhands. Wish I which I could find on their website because it is seriously funny and would creep out James (the guy’s hands are dripping with mustard).

Who needs depressing poetry written at the height of my angsty years when you have all of this, right? My life is so full.

  • Oh, and also, when my mom asked me if I was still taking Meridia and if it worked, I said no, my prescription ran out and it worked when I remembered to take it. Her response? “Oh, Dana, you’re a big girl.” Um, yeah, that’s why I was taking a diet aid! I know that’s not how she meant it but still, work on the phrasing there, mother.

Former comments:

I don’t know this despair.com and I am afraid to look at the website at school!


Gravatar Mom’s have a special talent. They can tell you the sky is blue and it can make you cry but when anyone else says it you can be argumentative and haughty. It is NOT blue. It is periwinkle.

Our oldest, Monk, has a new very annoying thing. He is scared of the stairs leading from the kitchen into the dining room. Since the living room is on the other side of the dining room this is problematic. He stands at the top of the stairs and whines.

It is so annoying. If you go look at him (get up, stomp to the doorway, growl at him to COME) he will come right down.

So I feel you pain in all ways.

.


I am in the break room with Keem this morning.  She is filling her water container with ice (we have ice in our break room!  It’s awesome!  Crushed ice even!).  I hear her softly singing.

DM:  What did you say?
Keem (sing song):  Ice is good.  Ice is great.  Unfortunately you can’t take it out on a date.

In a normal tone she continues.

Keem:  Because it would melt.
DM:  What are you doing?
Keem:  Channeling you, apparently.

My world is askew when I’m the normal one.

Or I’m not hearing things and the piped in music in the Ramada Inn lobby is actually some jazzy version of “The Little Drummer Boy.”

Seriously. I just had to check the date. It is May 7th. Christmas is not for many, many months. Who plays Christmas music in May?

And then, I swear to all that is Holy (such as the night), it then turned into this jazzy rendition of “At Last.” WTF? Are you kidding me? Not that it wasn’t good but it was a duet. Very strange.

I also got to hear a conversation between some English guy and the male clerk at the front desk about how the English guy usually scores pretty well because he’s English. Apparently we foolish American women are turned on by an accent and overlook the fact that he a) is married and b) seems to have no personality. Apparently both he and male clerk are on their 3rd wives. Male clerk looks to be about 35. Also, English guy got married for the 1st time when he was 16. Apparently that’s legal in England.

In case you are wondering, the lobby has computers with free internet so I can catch up on my blogs and email. And eavesdrop on interesting conversations between the clerk and random people. The Ramada Inn, by the way, features a Belgium waffle breakfast. I’ve heard that approximately 6 times. I have also heard “Rockin’ Robin” and “Little Bitty Pretty One” twice within the last hour so apparently the music played here is odder than I thought.

The vacation is going well. On Friday Keem and I went to the zoo (the Minnesota Zoo, it’s bigger than the Como Zoo in Saint Paul but the Como Zoo will always be my favorite) and the worst Mexican restaurant in the world (Tequila’s in LaCrosse with Keem’s mom Kathy and her niece Kylee (a mini version of Keem – silly and sarcastic. At the age of 9. I thought sarcasm wasn’t something you learned until you were a teenager)).

We spent two nights in LaCrosse and went to visit my favorite store in the world, Shopko. I don’t know why Shopko is my favorite. I have loved it ever since I lived in Madison, many, many years ago. Perhaps because it was cheap but also had cool stuff. Saturday, Keem, Kathy and I drove to Marquette, Iowa to the Isle of Capri (a river boat casino. Not as exciting as I thought but I did manage to walk out with money left in my pocket and only lost 5 dollars. In my book, that counts as winning). The drive was very pretty and I have many pictures.

Keem, Kathy and I drove to Wisconsin Dells on Sunday (after I called my sister and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. And then everyone laughed at me because apparently Mother’s Day is this Sunday, not last Sunday). We stayed at the Ho-Chunk Casino because Keem and I stayed there last year and enjoyed it. The hotel is very nice. We decided to only stay there for two days because it is expensive and also, the temptation to gamble is removed if you’re not actually staying in the casino.

On Monday, we took the upper Dells boat trip. Very fun, would have been better if not for the two screaming little girls that sat in front of us. Apparently they were tired, which you would think the parents would notice before taking the kids on a two hour boat ride. After awhile, you could just turn them out and they did stop the screaming for most of the trip. Their older brother was a perfect angel during the entire trip and amused me greatly when he turned to his dad and asked “Can’t we just throw them off the boat?” His dad responded with “I think I’m going to jump off the boat.”

Keem and I got rather sunburned so we decided to take another boat trip the other day and compound the sunburn. This was on the lower Dells and was only an hour.

Today was kind of rainy. Kathy left earlier this morning and it is now just Keem and I. So we decided to go to the movies. We saw “Made of Honor” with Patrick Dempsey (I’ve liked him ever since “Can’t Buy Me Love” and “Lover Boy” and that other one he was in where he was a pizza delivery boy who began to supplement his income by providing other services besides pizza (can’t remember the name, too tired to go to IMDB) and “Iron Man” with Robert Downey Jr.

Liked them both. For different reasons, of course. “Made of Honor” was cute, funny and had some gorgeous scenery (parts of it is filmed in the UK). “Iron Man” had things that blew up, an awesome plane chase and Robert Downey Jr.

Tomorrow we are off to Mount Horeb for the second annual visit to the Mustard Museum. So looking forward to that. NPW, not sure if they have post cards but if they do, you will receive one. If not, I’ll find another one for you somewhere.

Pictures when we get home. Have a great week, guys!

This is from awhile ago, during Tax Season, to be exact. Ah, Tax Season. How I do not miss you, let me count the ways. One – you’re really, really annoying. Two – I hate you. The End.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 9:45 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

Make the calls stop!

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 10:02 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

I would like to do so but unfortunately, your request cannot be completed because it is Tax Season, also known as Hell.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:31 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

Make tax hell stop!

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:33 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

Um, last I checked, I was not the Princess of Darkness so I can’t. As Queen of the Universe, unfortunately, I do not have any dominion over the Underworld.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:46 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

You are not the queen of the universe. Never have been, never will be. So, you don’t have any control whatsoever! 😛

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 12:33 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

You are mean. You won’t let me throw my Ninja Cranberries at you.*

*Ocean Spray has these awesome commercials where there’s an older guy and a younger guy standing in a cranberry bog. The younger guy is kind of goofy and, in my favorite commercial, says “I think Cranberries are the Ninjas of the Fruit World.” And then he does this high kick and makes a martial art sort of sound. Cracks me up every time. Keem had come over when I was eating some Craisins and I wanted to throw them at her and make a martial art sort of sound. I am partial to “Wa!”

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 12:34 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

I repel your ninja requests. You are not Ninja, therefore, you are unable to repel the Ninja cranberries. Besides wiich*, an inanimate object cannot be animate. It is an Oxymoron. Part oxy, part moron….wonder where the moron part comes from….

*that is an actual typo. It is not as fun as “You are igonring me” in which I replied “I do not know what an igon ring is or how to to igonring someone. As for ignoring you, no, I was in a call.” Igonring is now in our weird Dana/Keem vocabulary (in which Keem (Kim) is a part of. And wuter (water). And many other words that come and go, mainly created by me because I am weird. In case you didn’t know that.
_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:31 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

Ha. Ha. Ha to your moron part. I am not trying to repel the Ninja cranberries. And, according to your statement here, if I am not Ninja, you are also not Ninja so therefore YOU can’t repel the Ninja cranberries! Ha!

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:36 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

What part in what I said states that I will repel the ninja cranberries using some sort of ninja move? I have a notebook. I can swat the ninja cranberries. You are reading more into what I said and it is not implied that I would use some sort of ninja tactic to repel said ninja cranberries. I am resourceful and do not need special ninja abilities to repel something unwanted. Ha!

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:38 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

You said and I quote “I repel your ninja requests. You are not Ninja, therefore, you are unable to repel the Ninja cranberries.” This indicates that you are repelling my Ninja requests. And that since I cannot repel the Ninja cranberries, therefore you cannot repel the Ninja Cranberries. It is simple logic.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:59 PM
To: DM
Subject: HA!*

I can repel them if I wish. I have a protective, invisible force field that allows me to repel the ninja cranberries and any thing else ninjaish. So there!

*Notice how she changed the subject line? We do that a lot. We have been known to change the subject line five or six times in one email conversation. Sometimes we just send emails with no text, just subject lines. I do believe I mentioned we were weird, right?

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 2:40 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: HA!

How did you get the protective, invisible force field? I don’t have a force field. I want one.

Mr. Calitri* is not a ninja so you can not repel him.

Oh, I was thinking you should name your chicken Eggs and your pig Ham. So you would have Ham and Eggs. Or Hamon. I kind of like Hamon.

*Mr. Calitri is my chicken. In order to irritate Keem, sometimes I will thrust him at her and tell her that he wants to kees (kiss (I like ee’s)) and peck at her. She hates that. If you were wondering just what exactly Mr. Calitri looks like, you can check my profile picture. And read this post, because it will explain a little more the oddness that is me.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:07 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: HA!

I like Ham and Eggs. That’s pretty good. I’ll consider it.

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:16 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: HA!

Oooh! To really change it up, you could name your pig Eggs and the chicken Ham! That would be funny.

Sarah named her fish Chicken*.

*She did. Can you believe the length my friends will do to keep up the chicken conspiracy?

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:23 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: HA!

That’s funny too. How about fish and chips? Or white meat and the other white meat… hee hee.

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:24 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: HA!

I want you to know that I had to miss a call because I was laughing over white meat and the other white meat. That is hilarious.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:23 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: HA!

Yeah, well I almost busted a gut in the call because of your email pop up about laughing.

It is good to have this type of insanity to take place during Tax Hell. Hopefully I won’t have to actually take calls this year. New promotion and all and yet there’s still that chance that it might be required. Grr.

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:01 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

Will you remind me to take my Effexor to work tomorrow? I think the only thing that will remind me to take them is the actual reminder for Outlook. I am cranky today and I think you’re right; it is probably lack of happy pills.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:16 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

I will try. Why don’t you just take them at night with your other meds? I thought you had them by each other.

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:24 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

I do. And I look at them and then I don’t take them because I am a dork. I don’t know why I don’t take them.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:50 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

You can’t blame anyone but yourself for not taking them and being irritable. You know that this happens if you don’t take them.

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:50 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

I’m not blaming anyone else. I know this happens.

*Thinks of really sarcastic thing to say. Decides snapping at Keem will not help matters at all. Writes something completely different.*

That’s why I said I am a dork.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:51 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

I know, but it’s my duty to lecture you. I took an oath. 🙂

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:51 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

You did not! Liar! You’re silly.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:52 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

I did. I took it the day before we moved in together. You weren’t there. I had to get all dressed up and go down to the court house and everything. 🙂

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 9:53 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

Really? I wonder why I wasn’t invited to witness it.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 10:04 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

I don’t know. You missed the party with cake and everything. I worked long and hard to be able to take that oath… I’m sure I have pictures somewhere…

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2007 10:05 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Are you going to be done at 3:30? Because there’s no rush if you won’t be. I’m willing to be understanding and caring.

Oh, my God. You are so awesome. You have completely ruined the crankiness mood and he has run and hid. Thanks!

*******

It is nice to have a Keem to help with the crankiness. I hope you are all well. I’m trying to get around to sites but I’m so busy at work. And I am taking my pills now.

Last Thursday, Beth, James and I are exchanging cell phone numbers (because, oops, forgot to share. I am a bad friend).

James: Ready?
DM: No. Give me a second. Okay.
James: (612)
DM: Yeah.
James: 867
DM: Uh-huh.
James: 5309.
DM: That is NOT your phone number. Asshole.
James: Dissolves into hysterical laughter.

Am I a bad person because the advertisement for the magazine Positive Thinking in my mail box made me roll my eyes and say “Oh, please”? I have come to the decision that I might be a tad cynical. And it is very hard to explain to Beth and Keem that, while I don’t like people, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like them (Beth’s response to “you’re not people” was “Oh, great. I’m an alien”). I think it is that I don’t like people in groups. Such as the bar. If it was up to me, only select people would be allowed. Scottish Craig is not one of them. I ask you, if you have a sunken chest, why do you try to show it off by wearing tight t-shirts? And who the hell shows up wearing a flak jacket and a tan bandana? Is he Rambo? Is he the Scottish Army (of one)? Is he just an annoying, annoying man who I want to dress up in a deer costume and dump him in the woods on the first day of deer hunting?* Or am I a bitch? It could be both, I guess.

*This is because he has a tattoo that is a deer through a gun sight. I think it would be a fitting punishment. As Beth said “It could be Bambi’s Dad. Or Bambi. Thumper couldn’t save him.” Do not get me started on Disney movies which make me cry. Poor Bambi’s Dad. Poor Tod’s Mom. Stupid Disney. Nobody’s family could actually stay together, could they? No, we have to have everyone die. There’s a reason Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie. Her parents don’t die, they just go to sleep. And yeah, there’s this really scary dragon but Maleficent is my favorite Disney villian so I’m okay with that.

You will be happy to know that Co-Worker Eric asked his girlfriend Crystal to marry him and she said yes. Co-Worker Eric is actually quite bouncy and chirpy (Which may be my way of saying chipper and perky) today and it is quite pleasant to see. See! I can be positive! I’m not always negative.

I decided to apply for another job today at NABABNA. It is working more directly with different stock companies and helping them and the people they refer to us. I think I would enjoy it, there is admin work involved and I love stuff like that. I don’t know if I’ll get the position but it would certainly solve the problem of Keem and I applying for the same job. Wish me luck.

Anyway, Beth, Keem and I went to the Como Park Conservatory on Friday and then Beth and I went to Minnehaha Falls on Sunday. Here are some of my favorite pictures. And yes, I am a big fan of the saturate button. What’s your point?

Lillies

These are lillies. I like them.

Bench

I don’t know why I like taking pictures of benches when they are empty. I think it is because they look like they are waiting for someone to come spend time with them. I think one of my favorite scenes in Notting Hill is Hugh Grant reading with a pregnant Julia Roberts lying with her head in his lap on the bench. I think the bench was happy to have them there. Is that weird? That’s probably weird.

Sign

There were no actual poisonous frogs at the zoo. I was disappointed.

The miniature killer is ZEN?  Oh my God!

Look. The miniature killer is Japanese.

Flamingo Flowers

Flamingo flowers. I like flamingos. They are pink.

Fountain

This is a completely awesome picture. I love, love, love Zoe and her ability to capture a moment like this (Zoe is my camera’s name. I do believe I already said I was weird, right?), where the water is frozen in time.

Flamingos

Flamingos. They are walking. Birds do that. AND! They are pink.

Mac plays Trivial Pursuit

When taking pictures inside, it is important to switch the camera mode from landscape to portrait. Or the picture of your former cat will look somewhat yellowish. Bet you wish you had a cat that plays Trivial Pursuit, don’t you?

Owl in the road

On our way to Minnehaha Falls, we drove by an owl in the road. Coolness.

Minnehaha Falls

I love water. I especially love waterfalls. And lakes. And oceans. And, well, rivers. Um, yeah, I love water. Anyway, this is at Minnehaha Falls.

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