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I bring you this Literary Meme, provided to us by Ms. Stinkypaw. She hails from Canada and can read books in French (which is terribly exciting, don’t you think?)! As always, I don’t expect anyone to do this but if you do, please leave a comment. I love to know what other books people are reading.
What author do you own the most books by?
Nora Roberts. She is my favorite author. There are very few authors who can do descriptions, dialogue and character development (I am only good at dialogue, unfortunately) and she does it every time. I’ve been reading her for years and really like her later books, once she broke away from Silhouette. Her books are still considered romantic but they’re also suspenseful and I love that! After that, I’d say Dean Koontz but he’s usually hit or miss (example – Tick Tock? Awesome. Your Heart Belongs to Me? Lame).
2. What book do you own the most copies of?
The Stand by Stephen King. It’s one of my favorite books. If I see it at a garage sale, I always end up buying it. I think I have 5. For those of you that have seen Conspiracy Theory, think of it as being my Catcher in the Rye. Except I’m not sure how the black helicopters are going to find me since I don’t buy it at book stores. But they’re tricky, those black helicopter pilots.
3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
Yes, sort of but that’s not something I completely obsess over. I do love my grammar and will try to not end sentences in prepositions but sometimes you can’t help it.
4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Oh, that’s easy. Roarke from the Eve Dallas books. He’s her husband and he was a former criminal that reformed when he fell in love with a homicide cop. However, he’s still got that dangerous side and can be considered a bad boy.
5. What book have you read the most times in your life?
Probably Kane and Able by Jeffrey Archer. I am pretty sure I read it over 12 times. The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer about 10 times. These are great books. I also love to reread Nora Roberts books and just reread the Begariad Series by David Eddings. I love rereading books; it lets you revisit old friends.
6. What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
I really don’t know. This may sound like I’m bragging (I’m not) but in 4th grade, I was reading at a 12th grade level and there was talk of moving me to the 5th grade (however, I was doing horrible in math so no skipping grades for me). I think I was really into Shakespeare and mythology at that time. I still adore Shakespeare but prefer to read the translated versions – Old English is HARD! And above all, I’d rather watch it performed. It’s like opera; I don’t care that the words are in another language as long as I’m watching it.
7. What is the worst book you’ve read?
I’d like to say it was Twilight but since I lost the copy lent to me, I can’t honestly say that’s so. I tried reading it because I felt I couldn’t irrationally hate a book if I haven’t read it (but yet I can irrationally hate Ryan Seacrest and Taylor Swift (and her hair)) but honestly, did not get far. If I hadn’t lost it, I might still be choking through it right now.
The worst book I ever read was called Soap Opera by Eileen Fulton. I don’t know why I thought it would be good (maybe because I enjoyed Soap?) but decided to give it a shot. It was horrible. The main character spent most of her time bemoaning the fact that she slept with her fiancé before they got married. After all, that made her a slut, you know. Oh, and then he went insane and started stalking her so they never got married. Good Lord. I have this curse where I have to finish reading a book once I started it but let me tell you, I was really displeased with it (Twilight doesn’t count because I lost the book).
8. What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?
You know, I started this list of books that I’ve read this year and I suck at keeping it up. I would have to say one of my favorites was InkHeart by Cornelia Funke. I loved it. If you have ever dreamt about being able to enter your favorite book, you’ll enjoy it as well. I also really liked the movie and it was exciting to know she created the main character based on Brendan Fraser. I adore him.
Speaking of being able to enter your favorite books, you may enjoy Jasper Fforde Thursday Next books. They are hilarious. I’m also rereading the Hitchhiker Guide to the Universe series again by Douglas Adams. I like the funny!
9. If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?
I’m not a tagger, sorry. Keem is constantly calling me a book pusher because I get excited about books and then tell her she should read them. Also, I really think what I like is not going to be the same thing that someone else likes. Now, if you want recommendations, I’m happy to give them. Give me a genre and I’m sure I’ve got a book for you. And this does include paranormal romance, by the way.
10. Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for literature?
Again, what I like is not the same as what everyone else likes. Nobel Prize literature books are typically too dark and depressing for me. I love to read but it is for amusement mainly. It’s kind of like movies – I’m not a drama person, I prefer comedies and action (best movies are ones that make me laugh and things blow up in them). Beth will typically make me watch dramas with her and I’ll enjoy them but they’re not something I seek out on my own.
11. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
This is hard. I know most people don’t like the movie versions of their favorite books but I’m usually able to suspend disbelief and accept the changes (example – Harry Potter Goblet of Fire. Much as I love Quidditch, I knew it wasn’t possible to have the giant Quidditch match they had, the movie would be three times as long). I loved InkHeart the movie even though there were changes to it. I loved Ella Enchanted (but I saw the movie first before I read the book).
Uh, let’s go with the Eve Dallas books. I know there was talk they were going to be made into a movie at one point. I want to see who they get to play Roarke.
12. What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
How about Soap Opera? Since it was the dumbest book in the world, it would probably be the worst movie ever. Although that Sally Field/Kevin Kline soap movie was pretty funny. Not that I can remember the name.
13. Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
Not a clue. Well, let’s rephrase that, I have a clue but I’m not sharing. Let’s just say that it involved my crush on Snape and Oliver Wood from the Harry Potter books.
14. What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?
Stinkypaw said it best – “I read for my pleasure, not to please others.” I don’t care if you don’t like my choice in literature. I read what makes me happy. I love books about vampires. I love young adult books. I like fantasy novels. I love chick lit (but only if it is well written). I love Shakespeare. I love Douglas Adams and Neil Gaiman and Stephen King.
15. What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?
What Came Before He Shot Her – Elizabeth George. Remember when I said that once I’ve started a book, I have to finish it? This was horrible. It’s described as the anatomy of a murder and involves these three kids who are abandoned by their grandmother (mom’s in an insane asylum) and dumped with their aunt who really tries to help them but is completely overwhelmed. It was the most depressing book I have ever read. I would not recommend it to anyone – not because it was a bad book but it made me so sad and horrified and appalled. I wanted to gather up these children and save them. And unfortunately, I could not.
Other than that, I would say The Shining by Stephen King. It took me 3 years to read this book. I would start it, get freaked out and stop reading it. I’d return a couple of months later; get freaked out again and stop reading it.
16. What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?
I’m not sure what this is supposed to mean. I think you either love Shakespeare or don’t. Either way, it’s not a big deal. The community college I went to would put on Shakespeare plays during the summer and I adored going to them when I was younger. It was awesome. Although I much prefer the comedies.
17. Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
Why do I need to have a preference? This strikes me as book snobbery because I know this is referring to “The Classics” and what I consider a classic is not the same as everyone else. For example, I loved Jane Eyre but hated Wuthering Heights. I’ve never read any Voltaire that I remember and I certainly have no desire to read War and Peace.
18. Roth or Updike?
Wow. How absolutely descriptive. Again with the book snobbery. I know Updike is John Updike but who is Roth? Phillip Roth? I believe I read a short story by him once and didn’t care for it. Also, just for the record, I don’t like Ernest Hemingway either.
19. David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
I love David Sedaris. Beth purchased the audio books and listening to him read his stories makes me laugh hysterically. I also found Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim in my laundry room and found that reading Six to Eight Black Men and Nuit of the Living Dead is just as funny as listening to him read it (but for some reason I always call it “Louie of the Living Dead.”). Dave Eggers? Who is that?
20. Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
Shakespeare is my favorite. Milton irritates me. Chaucer is impossible to read but if you have the translations from Old English, it is pretty funny.
21. Austen or Eliot?
Okay, again, book snob that created this meme, I understand you’re referring to Jane Austen but which Eliot? I’m assuming you mean George Eliot. Honestly? Haven’t really read either. I would assume I like Jane Austen.
22. What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
Wow. I wasn’t aware that I had any gaps in my reading but since you think so, I must throw myself off of the nearest bridge. Good freakin’ Lord. If anything, it would probably be that I taught myself how to read and so I pronounce things incorrectly. And it’s not so much embarrassing as funny, thanks so much.
As for gaps, well, you may think I’m missing out because I don’t like Hemingway but have you ever read anything by Carol Goodman? The Lake of Dead Languages was fascinating.
23. What is your favorite novel?
How much time do you have? The aforementioned Kane and Able and The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer. Most of Nora Roberts’s novels. A few things by Meg Cabot. David Eddings – The Belgariad, The Mallorean and the Elenium series. Oh and the Tamuli series as well. Douglas Adams – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe. Dave Barry – Big Trouble. Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre. Jasper Fforde – The Eyre Affair (and other Thursday Next books). Mil Millington – Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About (but I also liked A Certain Chemistry). I also enjoy movie novelisations and transcripts of television shows. I’ve also been known to read the back of cereal boxes and upside down newspapers when my mom wouldn’t let me read at the table. In other words, I love to read. So very much.
Shakespeare – The Tempest. Oscar Wilde – The Importance of Being Earnest. Goldsmith – She Stoops to Conquer.
Favorite Play I’ve Been In? I’m torn between You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown (I played Snoopy and believe me when I tell you I was awesome), Stout-Hearted Men (the man-hating Miss Hatchett, again, I was awesome) and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (was in it twice, fairly small parts. Not the best soloist, this girl).
I like some poetry, not all. I was in Speech one year in High School and was the Extemperaneous Poetry person (which means that I got to draw a poem out of a hat and then get a half hour to interpret it. Then I would read it and was scored on how well I read it. Yeah, makes no sense to me either but it was close enough to being on stage to make sure I did pretty well.
These are some of my favorites from the poetry book they had us read from:
They are short but all three are beautiful. Plus, they don’t really rhyme. I am not a fan of the rhyming poem.
See question on David Sedaris for answer.
27. Short story?
Hands down, it is Word Processor of the Gods by Stephen King but I love short stories. I really love Regency Christmas short romantic stories (again, don’t know why, I guess it is just how I roll).
28. Work of non-fiction?
Mythology. Technically it is in the Non-Fiction section of the library/bookstore. I think my favorite biography was the one about Meat Loaf but I also enjoyed The Rock’s as well.
29. Who is your favorite writer?
Nora Roberts. But I love a lot of different authors.
30. Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
Dan Brown. The research is good, the idea of the plots are intriguing but I’m sorry, two page chapters that keep ending in cliff hangers? Really? Not very convincing. Or James Patterson.
31. What is your desert island book?
Uh, the complete works of Shakespeare? If I only get one book, I’m not going. I don’t know how the people on Lost handle it.
32. And … what are you reading right now?
I am re-reading “An Ice Cold Grave” by Charlaine Harris (better know for the Southern Vampire novels that True Blood are based on). I am also reading a book Beth’s mom picked up for me – it was free since Harlequin is celebrating their 60th anniversary. Fortunately it is one of the Intrigue novels (their mystery series) but it is sort of annoying. It’s called Crime Scene at Cardwell Ranch and I have no idea what’s going on. Well, okay, there was a skeleton found in a well but the Ranch is being sold and there’s all this tension between the heroine and the hero and she’s also ticked off at her folks but the author hasn’t bothered to let us know why. That is irritating. I’m only on page 60 so I hope it’ll get better.
Hello! Welcome to the heck that is my life. It is 3 in the morning and I am up because my stupid back hurts. Not that big of a deal since I went to bed at 8 PM (No clue. Probably because I am old).
Anyway, gleefully stole this from NPW but am feeling a bit old now trying to remember the answers to this.
Firsts! You know how this goes. Feel free to leave some of your own firsts in the comments so that I don’t have to feel like the sole loser in the Game of Life.
1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Never went to prom.
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
That implies I had a first love. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Other than major crushes and I don’t think they really count.
4. What was your FIRST job?
If we don’t count baby-sitting, working as a janitor for my future high school – some “Oh, you’re poor, let us help you earn money” government thing when I was 14.
5. What was your FIRST car?
Yeah, still don’t have a car. You need a driver’s license for that. My imaginary car is an El Camino.
6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
I don’t have a phone but one of my Bacefook Mafia Wars friends IM’d me because I was complaining about my back.
7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
My chiropractor and wishing I didn’t have to wait almost two weeks before going back to see him.
8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
No clue. I do remember that she once told me not to worry about struggling with math because it was hard for girls. Thanks, bitch, for making sure it took me until my first year of college to recognize that 8+5=13. Appreciate it.
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Mexico. On the trip from hell.
10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
Linda P. No.
11. Where was your FIRST sleepover?
I remember going to this one girl’s house and watching “What’s Up, Doc?” I can’t remember who it was but once I hit 4th grade and got glasses, she denied it.
12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
I am assuming the cats don’t count so no one.
13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
Never technically been in a wedding. I was my sister’s personal attendant.
14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Cursed a lot while trying to get out of bed. Then I played Mafia Wars.
15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Either Helen Reddy or Tony Orlando and Dawn. I would like to state for the record that these were concerts my parents brought me to – my first concert of choice was Night Ranger.
16. What was the FIRST vinyl record you ever bought?
Oh, good Lord. I have no clue. I do remember listening to a song that was about tears on my pillow and crying about something or another. I remember searching through the racks of the small records (33rds? Is that what they were called? Can’t remember) looking for something cool at Musicland.
17. What was the FIRST cassette you ever bought?
Again, do not remember.
18. What was the FIRST CD you ever bought?
This I know since CD’s were such a new technology. That was Lightning Seeds Cloud Cuckooland. Love that CD even though it was spur of the moment and I had never heard of the band before.
19. What was the FIRST mp3 you ever downloaded?
Do not remember this as well.
20. Who was the FIRST famous person you ever met?
LaVyrle Spencer. She’s a romance writer from Stillwater, MN. I loved her books and was completely dumbfounded when I met her. Couldn’t string together two words. She hugged me.
21. FIRST tattoo?
Red rose growing through a heart on my shoulder. Completely faded now – reds do not work well on my skin.
22. FIRST piercing?
Ears, when I was 18. Completely traumatic.
23. FIRST foreign country you went to?
24. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
I remember seeing one about Hercules. There also was the movie about the Munsters in England. And Sleeping Beauty (best Disney villain ever). Maybe Grease? Did I mention I was old and don’t remember things well?
25. When was your FIRST detention?
Sixth grade. I was constantly late for school even though I lived two blocks away.
26. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
27. Who was your FIRST roommate?
LeeAnn W. after my mother kicked me out of the house at 18 (I deserved it). I moved in with her and her parents.
28. Where did you purchase your FIRST home?
Please. I don’t even own a car. What chances are that I’ll buy a house?
29. Where was your FIRST child born?
Can’t have kids. Can I get a big alleluia over that? Woo-hoo!
30. Who was your FIRST kiss?
According to my mom, Bryan somebody or another when I was 4. I don’t think I’ll count that. According to me, I was 15 and on a church trip somewhere. I had a huge crush on one of the guys who was our counselor or something – can’t remember. Anyway, one of our pastors said he wouldn’t talk to me until I kissed this guy. The entire bus starts chanting “Kiss him.” I did. It was sweet and embarrassing and clumsy. Two weeks later I lost my virginity in a laundry room (not the same guy).
31. What was the name of your FIRST elementary school?
I am not a big fan of the Monday. Especially this close to the end of the month. So yes, I’m falling back on The Daily Meme for some help here.
This one is called Moody Monday and suggests you post a picture of your mood. Today’s mood is vengeful. Gosh, this is right up my alley today.
1. Desiring vengeance; vindictive.
2. Indicating or proceeding from a desire for revenge.
3. Serving to exact vengeance.
Since I really have no life and the children (cats) are sparring in the living room, here are my babies with their most vengeful looks. And for the love of God, Kalli, leave Eddy alone. You would think that long lasting growl would be a clue that he wants you to leave him alone.
I am still fond of this picture, even though she isn’t this small anymore. Every time I turn around, she is longer and fluffier. And not listening when I tell her to quit growing.
I like to think Eddy is telling Keem that this is revenge for Kalli. There are many times I catch him looking at us with this expression. The “Why did you think I needed a little sister?” look or, possibly more accurately, the “I am going to kill you in your sleep for this pain you have visited upon me.” look.
Tired. Going to bed. Have to monitor 16 calls a day this week. 3 days left of it. Oh, and we can’t put in any over time anymore. You have to tell me this now? So much for working late to get caught up. Grr.
This will help me get through November!
1. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Keem, of course. Co-workers Jessica, Rykken & Christy and Boss Cheryl.
2. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Going to LaCrosse tomorrow with Keem, Thanksgiving and Christmas
3. Who was the last person you called?
Beth to tell her I can’t go to karaoke tonight because I have to go into work early tomorrow
4. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Getting ready to go to bed – last night was the weekly America’s Next Top Model/Stylista viewing with Keem and Kari. Kari was sick the week before so we had 2 episodes of each to watch. Which is almost too much drama to handle in one night. Almost.
5. Are your parents married/divorced?
Divorced. My father is also dead.
6. When did you last see your mom?
Christmas. I think. Um, after looking at my blog, I realized it was in April. Wow. I’m bad at this keeping track of time thing.
7. What are you wearing right now?
Black and white paisley top, purple pants
8. Where is your favorite place to be?
My living room with the cats, watching something fun and either blogging or playing a game on my pretty, pretty laptop.
9. Where is your least favorite place to be?
The dentist’s office. Which I am going to have to go to soon because my left side of the mouth is really bothering me – especially when I drink something cold. And apparently one of the wisdom teeth that I swear got pulled years ago is trying to come back on my right side. My mouth is not a happy mouth.
10. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Back to Portugal. Travel Europe.
11. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Still in Minnesota. Kari would kill me if I moved. Still working for NABABNA.
12. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Probably watching Kalli dive head first into Keem’s water glass while swatting her hand away. You probably had to see it but it was hilarious.
13. What cities/towns/villages have you lived in?
Mahtomedi, MN. Saint Paul, MN. Maplewood, MN. Madison, WI. I’m sure there are others. I moved a lot in my twenties.
14. Are you a social person?
Good God, no. I am not overly fond of people. Beth told me once I am not a people person, I’m a person person.
15. Do you sleep alone?
Why does every meme ask this question? Yes. I am 41 and alone. The only thing that sleeps with me is Hippo. And occasionally Kalli.
Found over at Sarcomical. Years ago. But I am out of posting ideas.
FAVORITE TV MOM: Marion Cunningham from Happy Days. She was a bit ditzy but so nice.
FAVORITE TV DAD: Brandon and Brenda’s Dad from Beverly Hills, 90210. No clue what his name was.
FAVORITE ENDEARING NERD: Hodges on CSI: I love him.
RUNNER UP: A RUNNER UP in the NERD category?!? Hiro on Heroes. Or Leonard on the Big Bang Theory
FAVORITE SHOW, NOSTALGIC: Oh, boy, I have no clue. The Electric Company?
FAVORITE SHOW, EVER AND EVER, TLA: Buffy
VERY CLOSE RUNNER UP: Angel (and Firefly. I love Joss Whedon)
CHARACTER I KINDA WANTED TO BE: Sabrina from Charlie’s Angels
CHARACTER I REALLY WANT TO BE: Kate from Lost – She’s funny, pretty in the girl next door sort of way, independent, slender (not stick thin), smart and has some sort of thing going on with Sawyer. Mmm, Sawyer.
BEST TV HOUSE: It doesn’t really count as a house but I love Inara’s shuttle on Firefly.
BEST ROMANCE: Sun and Jin on Lost. I love the flashback episodes about them. And yeah, they have had some problems and she was going to leave him but once they started communicating, things are much better. Well, if you don’t count the fact that they’re on a deserted island. Boy this was awhile ago. Let’s add and HE’S DEAD now.
BEST FINALE EPISODE I CAN REMEMBER: I don’t like finales. I always have so many questions that I want answered and I hate saying goodbye to characters that I love.
FAVORITE EPISODE EVER: The episode on How I Met Your Mother when Barney made everyone tell their most embarrassing moments? I guess. I’ve watched a lot of TV throughout the years. Ooh! And every single one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes on the Simpsons.
RUNNER UP: I still think of it now. 21 Jump Street – the episode where they talked about the bullies that they had dealt with in their lives. I like flash back episodes.
FAVORITE RANDOM LINES: You are strange and offputting. Go now. Dracula to Xander on Buffy.
CHARACTER I WOULD MOST WANT TO BE STRANDED ON DESERT ISLAND WITH: Michael from Burn Notice. Or HRG from Heroes.
BEST CHEMISTRY: Leonard and Penny on The Big Bang Theory. Except it’s an odd and twisted type of chemistry
BEST DREAM GUY: Michael from Burn Notice. He’s a spy! He’s the McGyver of the spy world! Plus he gets to hang out with Bruce Campbell.
BEST DREAM GIRL: Huh. I guess Buffy because she kicks ass and looks fabulous doing it
SUPER FANTASTIC BESTEST MOST GREATEST THING EVER: Leonard and Penny’s kiss. Wow. Nerds are hot.
Sheryl from Paper Napkin is awesome because she posted a meme and that made me be able to breathe a sigh of relief that I will be able to post something besides an essay of what my cats have been doing this week. Seriously. I was sitting there thinking “Don’t I have anything else to say besides ‘Kalli is cute and Eddy is adorable’?” Apparently not. Well, there is the fact that I am seriously starting to think about investing in a suit of armor. Kalli’s teeth and claws are very sharp and she likes to use them. We also changed her middle name to Jean so now she is named after Jean Grey from the X-Men. She also has a new nickname – Calamity Jean.
Anyway, here is the meme.
Things I love:
Song you love: I love a ton of music but my absolutely favorite one ever (this week) is “Pieces on the Ground” by The Nadas. Awesome.
Word you love: Besides Awesome? Thwart. I love the way it sounds.
Academic subject you love: Greek Mythology
Hobby you love: Scrapbooking, Blogging
Type of baked good you love: The one thing I can never resist – 7 Layer Bars
Type of sky you love: Blue with big puffy clouds
Beverage you love: Mountain Dew. I am weak.
Vacation you love: I am quite fond of the road trip.
Restaurant you love: Manny’s. Mmm. Steak.
Way of getting around that you love: I think I would really enjoy using a Segway. Other than that, it would be in a car with a friend with the tunes blasting and the windows open.
Person you love: Kari
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love: The living room. My shiny computer is there.
Movie you love: The Imposters is my favorite movie of all time.
Book you love: Please. Like I can settle for just one. Anything by Nora Roberts. I read a brilliant one this summer called The Bright Side of Disaster by Katherine Center. Kane and Abel & The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer.
City you love: Lisbon
Future plan you love: Moving to Lisbon
Form of communication you love: Email. I’m not fond of talking on the phone.
Junk food you love: Cheez-its. Even better – Cheez-its and Cream Cheese covered with Jalapeno Jelly. Yum.
To do this yourself, just copy and paste into your own blog!
Song you love:
Word you love:
Academic subject you love:
Hobby you love:
Type of baked good you love:
Type of sky you love:
Beverage you love:
Vacation you love:
Restaurant you love:
Way of getting around that you love:
Person you love:
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love:
Movie you love:
Book you love:
City you love:
Future plan you love:
Form of communication you love:
Junk food you love:
And have any of you ever known me to be perky and/or chipper?
Perhaps chipper in that scary “Fargo” way (by which I mean I am full of biting sarcasm. Not that I am prone to shove bodies into wood chippers. That’s just gross).