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Thing number 1:

My roommate, Keem, has a problem. It’s a disturbing problem and one I have talked to her about in great detail. She tells me she’s going to stop but she doesn’t. So, at all hours of the day, there are strange people in my home and I have to deal with it. I’m so tired of it. The constant drama, the yelling, the drag queens…

Yeah. Keem’s addicted to reality TV. The newest show she started watching? RuPaul’s Drag Queen Race (or something like that). We watched an hour of it until she got bored (because, really, how many times can you listen to a conversation that consists of “Oh, no, she didn’t” and “Watch it, Miss Thing”?). And then we watched 4 episodes of the Cake Boss. The Cake Boss, in case you didn’t know, is an Italian man in New Jersey who took over the family business when his father died. It’s a bakery and all of his family works there, including his sisters and their husbands. There’s a lot of screeching because the sisters like to think they know better than him and will contradict his orders. Like the one sister decided the bakery should be painted pink and Buddy almost had a heart attack. This is three hours of my life that I will never get back! But the cakes are pretty.

I don’t know what to do about this addiction. I can handle Survivor and America’s Next Top Model. I love Project Runway and Top Chef. I will tolerate the Cake Boss and his annoying family. But what’s next? A television show about people kidnapped by aliens? They could call it Project Roswell.

Thing number 2:

You are all probably aware that I’m a bit of a Star Trek junkie. I love Captain Kirk (and think William Shatner is hot and, yes, a pretty decent singer). I want Data to be my very own android boyfriend (actually, I’m partial to Lore because, hello, he’s kind of evil and an android. We all know I love the bad boys). I boldly went to see the newest Star Trek movie 4 times in the theater and have watched it three times on DVD. I am looking forward to introducing Josh to the movie this weekend and hopefully combating his massive exposure to Star Wars (stupid brother-in-law and his “Star Wars rules, Star Trek drools” beliefs (although he probably never exactly phrased it that way)).

Anyway, Keem and I bought the DVD this week. We had the choice between the regular DVD or the Collector’s version at Target. Obviously we went for the Collector’s version. Cool thing about this, the DVD case is actually a replica of the Enterprise. How awesome is that? Pretty awesome.

Keem put it together and it was sitting on the side table the other day. I look over and find myself saying words I never thought would come out of my mouth.

DM: Kitten. Please stop eating the Enterprise.

Here she is. My baby. Scourge of the Universe and Eater of the Enterprise.

I posted this on Facebook and someone left the comment “But Captain, there’s a fang in the warp drive.” Best. Comment. Ever!

So that means it’s Bullet Point Monday!  Woo-hoo!

  • Went to Fogo de Chao yesterday with Keem, Beth, Beth’s mom Laurie and Laurie’s boyfriend, Scott
  • It was fantastic.  Hot Brazilian men carrying gigantic slabs of meat around with them.
  • Not knowing the names of the Hot Brazilian men, we started referring to them as “Beef Ribs guy” and “Sausage Guy.” 
  • The whole premise of this restaurant is you have this little circle in front of you that you can either flip over to green (which means go) or red (which means stop) to control the amount of meat brought to you.  Keem had flipped it over and was watching avidly who came over to serve us.
  • Laurie mentioned that Keem could tell them no and Keem replied “I know.  But I feel bad for the Sausage Guy.”
  • This made us all laugh and I found it so funny that I started snorting.  Laurie said “It’s okay.  Tomorrow he gets to be the Sirloin Guy.”
  • For dessert I had Creme Brule.  This is the most perfect dessert ever.  I would eat it every day if I could.  Yum.
  • After dinner, it was off to Beth’s house to hang out in her backyard and play Sheepshead.  We also brought her laptop outside and watched Mamma Mia.
  • I love this movie.  It’s so funny and cute and who doesn’t love Abba?
  • Every movie I see Meryl Streep in, she just impresses me more and more.  She’s always a different person – you don’t look at her and say “Oh, that’s Meryl Streep pretending to be so and so.”  No, she is that person.  Plus, she can really sing!
  • Pierce Brosnan is very cute but he can not sing.  He sounds like a somewhat sick frog.
  • My favorite number is Christine Baranski singing “Does Your Mother Know?”  I love that song.
  • I have been begging Keem to take me to the library for about a year (possibly longer) and she has resisted my pleas.  You can imagine how excited I was when my doctor told me we should check out a book about diabetes management from the library.  When I told her to emphasis library for Keem’s sake, she said “Heck, I’ll give you a prescription.”
  • I was telling Beth about this yesterday and her response was “Yeah but when you go to the pharmacy with a prescription, they only let you get the one item.  So Keem doesn’t need to let you take out more than one book.  If only there was an over the counter library.”
  • Sigh.  Beth is conspiring with Keem on thwarting me.  It’s very sad.
  • Stupid bronchitis has not gone away completely.  That is irritating.

Nothing else is really going on.  How are all of you?

So I apologize for not being around lately.  I have been very very busy at work and running around at lunch, which is the easiest time for me to read blogs and also dazzle you with the excitement that is my life.

About that excitement, yeah, nothing much going on around here.  Although I did go see the BEST MOVIE EVER (Star Trek) with Beth and had a scrapbook weekend with her as well.  We also went to the Minneapolis Farmer’s Market where I was impressed and pleased with the bounty presented to us.  There will be pictures, once I figure out what I did with my cord thingy that lets me upload the pictures to my computer.

Got back last night from La Crosse.  Was amused by the cute kid story I was told by Eric.  Apparently he and Josh were wandering through the skyway this weekend.

Josh:  I’m hungry.
Eric:  I don’t have any money.  Sorry.
Josh:  Don’t worry, Daddy.  I’ll pay.

With that, he whips out Eric’s bank card.  Um, yeah.  Apparently he also has a habit of taking Eric’s driver’s license as well.  I am imagining a time when Eric gets pulled over and has to explain he doesn’t have his license, his kid is playing with it.

I expect to get caught up with blogs this week.  I hope.  I also hope you are all well and have had an exciting Memorial Day as well.  Now go see Star Trek.  This movie made me fall even more in love with Captain Kirk.  And gain a new appreciation for Spock.  Plus, the guy that plays Bones?  Hot.

Have you?  Have you?

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.  This is the greatest thing ever. 

I made Keem rewind so we could watch it a second time.

Plus imdb.com is advertising the Action Packed trailers today.

Battle for Terra (animated – human race tries to take over Terra.  Maybe.  Kind of cute looking but will likely make me cry like Wall-E did)
X-Men Origins:  Wolverine (Since Wolverine and Gambit are my favorite X-Men characters, this is a yes.)
Star Trek (OH MY GOD YES)
Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen (Yes!)
Terminator Salvation (Probably not but mainly because I’m not a big fan of the Terminator movies even though I’m kicking myself for not watching Terminator:  The Sarah Connor Chronicles (but that’s because Summer Glau is in it and she was River Tam in Firefly))
G.I. Joe:  The Rise of Cobra. (Hell yeah!  Even though Shipwreck doesn’t seem to be in the movie.  I had the biggest crush on Shipwreck in my teens.  And yes, I am completely aware of the fact that he was a cartoon character, what is your point?)

I think I’m going to live in the movie theaters this summer and never ever leave.

Snort.  Yeah.  Like I’ve ever given an unbiased movie review in my life.  Either I really, really, really like the movie or I absolutely hate it (there have been a few, not every movie is the BEST!  MOVIE!  EVER!).

Anyway, this weekend, even though it was freakin’ cold outside, Keem and I decided we wanted to go to the movies.  After talking to my sister, it was decided we were going to make a girl’s day out of it.  The movies chosen for the day were “Paul Blart, Mall Cop” and “Inkheart.”  I had lent Kari my copy of “Inkheart” and she had finished it in about a week, which, for those of you who do not know my sister, is a miracle.  Kari and I are exact opposites when it comes to reading – I personally feel that I need books more than air and Kari is not overly fond of reading.  In fact, when I actually see her with a book, I may actually squeal with glee.  Having a kid seems to have changed her mind though, she is starting to read more.

So we told Kari we were going to Inkheart at 12:40 but soon realized we gave her the wrong time.  Mall Cop started then.  I reached Eric and told him the situation.  He said he would check with Kari to see if she wanted to go to Mall Cop with us or if we would just meet her for Inkheart.

The phone rings and it is Eric. 

Eric:  She wants to see the fat man fall down.*

*I later found out that this is not what Kari said.  This was Eric’s comment.

We met Kari at the Marcus Theaters and proceeded to go see Mall Cop.  Without giving tons of spoilers away, may I just tell you that this movie was awesome?  Not only is Kevin James a genius when it comes to slapstick but there is also a gang of bad people that break into the mall and proceed to do really, really, really, really cool stunts on bikes and skateboards (I love this stuff.  I have been trying to convince Beth and/or Keem that we should go to the extreme motorcross thingy.  Oddly enough they both laughed hysterically and said no).  Plus, Leader Bad Guy?  Hot.  Although I have a weakness for bad guys so I may be somewhat biased (fictional bad guys.  Real-life bad guys are rarely ever hot and also appear to be very stupid).

Inkheart was also fantastic.  The movie is based on the Cornelia Funke book of the same name and there have been changes.  I was able to overlook the changes (which is weird because typically I freak out over this sort of thing.  In fact, I had the worst time watching Hercules (with Kevin Sorbo) because I kept pointing out “That wasn’t what happened.”  Because mythology is always so true to life, you know) and just lose myself in the movie but that may have been because the movie stars Brendan Fraser (I love him so much) and when I read Inkheart, I had pictured him the entire time (the author actually based the character on him.  How cool is that?). 

Both movies were fantastic.  What was not fantastic was Keem tripping and falling at the end of Inkheart (she’s okay now but was pretty sore after it happened) and the comedy of errors that happened to Kari and myself.  Between her losing her keys (and later finding them in her purse) and her mittens (later finding them on the pay phone where she realized she couldn’t find her keys) and my misplacing the headset (hearing amplifier thingy?) I need so I can follow dialougue and later finding it by the trash can, there was a good 10 minutes spent searching for stuff.

Afterwards, we went to Ruby Tuesday and enjoyed a good lunch.  You have to love a place that has Craisins for their salad bar.  And flavored iced teas!
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I am not sure how the Petsmart walk went for my mom but I do know she made her goal.  
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So very tired.  Tax season is starting (oh joy) and yesterday we had 54 calls in queue.  Thankfully I did not have to answer any of them but it could still happen.

Convinced former fake fiance Jamie to go to SA for me and buy me two one-liter bottles of Diet Coke.  I am really starting to crave the stuff and nearly freaked out when I realized the pop machine was out of it.  I didn’t even think about getting Mountain Dew instead. 

I love having my iPod at work.  When I start falling asleep, I put it on the fastest song in my playlist (OK GO, Here it goes again) and walk around the building.  If I play it twice, I can circle the building twice (on the inside) and get my heart rate up.  It helps keep me motivated and awake.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Last night, Keem and I decided to watch Die Hard.  We had been flipping through the cable channels the other weekend when Josh was over, trying to find a good movie for him.  While he’s allowed to watch some action movies (Transformers, the 3 Ninja movies), we quickly changed the channel.

Josh:  What’s that movie?
Dana:  That is not a Josh movie.
Keem:  That’s a mommy and daddy movie.
Josh:  I bet it is an Auntie Dana and Kim movie.
Dana:  That is true.  And one that I hope to watch with you when you are old enough.

So we taped it (I love having a DVR) and watched it last night.  While I still find Bruce Willis attractive so many years after first seeing Die Hard, there is something about a young John McClaine that makes my heart pitter patter.   And Alan Rickman.   Sigh.  Also still hot now but damn, he was so pretty.

bruce-willis-on-john-mcclane

hans-gruber

I love action movies.  For me, a “good” movie is one with lots of stuff blowing up and at least one car chase (or, as in the case of Independence Day, a spaceship chase).  Beth and I tend to differ in opinion on this, she prefers her movies to have a plot as well.  While I prefer to skip dramas, she can usually convince me to watch them and then I get ticked off if I like the movie.  She made me watch The Departed the other day and I really enjoyed that although was seriously upset because it made me find Leonardo DeCaprio attractive and I didn’t like Matt Damon.  It’s usually the other way around. 

I didn’t really have a point here.  Other than the fact that I think Hollywood has spoiled me for real men.  How can I date anyone unless they can cock a shotgun with their armpits (The Rundown reference.  Mmm, that was a fantastic movie)?  Not that I’m actually looking to date but you know what I mean.

I am sitting in the living room listening to Kalli call for Eddy. A few pathetic meows and he is investigating. He has not yet figured out that this typically means “Hey! Why don’t you come and play with me? And by play, I mean I will attempt to eat your face. It’s fun!”

Although today they seem to be actually playing together. She called to him, he went to Keem’s room to find her and then chased her down the hallway. Then they did that half football game, half ballet dance that cats seem to do together. You know, tackle. Leap. Tackle. Leap, somersault, leap. Tackle.

Keem and I are going to meet my sister and nephew to see Madagascar 2. Keem won free movie tickets earlier this year so we’re going to put them to good use. It is possible that Keem and I will attempt to do a double feature tomorrow because we both want to see Bolt and I really, really, really want to see Transporter 3. Hello. Jason Statham is hot. It may turn out to be a triple feature because we also want to see Four Christmases.

I managed to finish all of my monitorings for the month at 7:30 last night. The stress headache is gone for now but it will return about the middle of December.

Must go get ready, we’re leaving soon. Have a great day! Only one more day left of NaBloPoMo. Thank God. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far!

Or I’m not hearing things and the piped in music in the Ramada Inn lobby is actually some jazzy version of “The Little Drummer Boy.”

Seriously. I just had to check the date. It is May 7th. Christmas is not for many, many months. Who plays Christmas music in May?

And then, I swear to all that is Holy (such as the night), it then turned into this jazzy rendition of “At Last.” WTF? Are you kidding me? Not that it wasn’t good but it was a duet. Very strange.

I also got to hear a conversation between some English guy and the male clerk at the front desk about how the English guy usually scores pretty well because he’s English. Apparently we foolish American women are turned on by an accent and overlook the fact that he a) is married and b) seems to have no personality. Apparently both he and male clerk are on their 3rd wives. Male clerk looks to be about 35. Also, English guy got married for the 1st time when he was 16. Apparently that’s legal in England.

In case you are wondering, the lobby has computers with free internet so I can catch up on my blogs and email. And eavesdrop on interesting conversations between the clerk and random people. The Ramada Inn, by the way, features a Belgium waffle breakfast. I’ve heard that approximately 6 times. I have also heard “Rockin’ Robin” and “Little Bitty Pretty One” twice within the last hour so apparently the music played here is odder than I thought.

The vacation is going well. On Friday Keem and I went to the zoo (the Minnesota Zoo, it’s bigger than the Como Zoo in Saint Paul but the Como Zoo will always be my favorite) and the worst Mexican restaurant in the world (Tequila’s in LaCrosse with Keem’s mom Kathy and her niece Kylee (a mini version of Keem – silly and sarcastic. At the age of 9. I thought sarcasm wasn’t something you learned until you were a teenager)).

We spent two nights in LaCrosse and went to visit my favorite store in the world, Shopko. I don’t know why Shopko is my favorite. I have loved it ever since I lived in Madison, many, many years ago. Perhaps because it was cheap but also had cool stuff. Saturday, Keem, Kathy and I drove to Marquette, Iowa to the Isle of Capri (a river boat casino. Not as exciting as I thought but I did manage to walk out with money left in my pocket and only lost 5 dollars. In my book, that counts as winning). The drive was very pretty and I have many pictures.

Keem, Kathy and I drove to Wisconsin Dells on Sunday (after I called my sister and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. And then everyone laughed at me because apparently Mother’s Day is this Sunday, not last Sunday). We stayed at the Ho-Chunk Casino because Keem and I stayed there last year and enjoyed it. The hotel is very nice. We decided to only stay there for two days because it is expensive and also, the temptation to gamble is removed if you’re not actually staying in the casino.

On Monday, we took the upper Dells boat trip. Very fun, would have been better if not for the two screaming little girls that sat in front of us. Apparently they were tired, which you would think the parents would notice before taking the kids on a two hour boat ride. After awhile, you could just turn them out and they did stop the screaming for most of the trip. Their older brother was a perfect angel during the entire trip and amused me greatly when he turned to his dad and asked “Can’t we just throw them off the boat?” His dad responded with “I think I’m going to jump off the boat.”

Keem and I got rather sunburned so we decided to take another boat trip the other day and compound the sunburn. This was on the lower Dells and was only an hour.

Today was kind of rainy. Kathy left earlier this morning and it is now just Keem and I. So we decided to go to the movies. We saw “Made of Honor” with Patrick Dempsey (I’ve liked him ever since “Can’t Buy Me Love” and “Lover Boy” and that other one he was in where he was a pizza delivery boy who began to supplement his income by providing other services besides pizza (can’t remember the name, too tired to go to IMDB) and “Iron Man” with Robert Downey Jr.

Liked them both. For different reasons, of course. “Made of Honor” was cute, funny and had some gorgeous scenery (parts of it is filmed in the UK). “Iron Man” had things that blew up, an awesome plane chase and Robert Downey Jr.

Tomorrow we are off to Mount Horeb for the second annual visit to the Mustard Museum. So looking forward to that. NPW, not sure if they have post cards but if they do, you will receive one. If not, I’ll find another one for you somewhere.

Pictures when we get home. Have a great week, guys!

A few days ago, Keem and I were in Target. I needed to get socks. As I was in the socks area, I saw something that I thought was a cute patterned pair of socks. As I got closer, I realized that it wasn’t a cute patterned pair of socks. It was something horrible and disgusting and just completely wrong.

What was it? THIS! This travesty!

Leg warmers! Leg WARMERS! Oh my God. Have we gone back to the 80’s suddenly? Will I suddenly see people using an entire can of hair spray to make their hair as big as possible? I hated the big hair fad. It required actually having skill with using a curling iron.

Today I walked into my office, intent only on heating up my beloved Jimmy Dean breakfast buscuits for breakfast. One of my co-workers approached the area. I noticed her outfit. White t-shirt, denim mini-skirt, red high heel shoes and ACK!! Cringe!

Red freakin’ leg warmers.

DM: What are you wearing? How can you be wearing leg warmers? How?
Co-worker: They’re back. They’re back in style.

No. No, they are not back. They never should have been here in the first place. And they’re back? I’m sorry, but I associate those words with Poltergeist or the Terminator (although Arnold actually said “I’ll be back” but that’s not the point).

And this was an email that somehow got past my spam detector at work. I was somewhat amused.

“Bad enough,” noise said harm jump degree he; “hard work and not a kind word spoken.” sin Now, then, I was again happy; I nail now spit took current only 1000 drops of laudanum per day; and what was that? A l spilt Without glass buy balance a grave, unknelled, uncoffined, and unknown.” “Dear me, how spade sad! Do you search mind theory division telling me your age?”

It’s almost poetic.

Have a good weekend, my lovelies. I am going to go scrapbook with Beth Saturday night. It’ll be very fun.

Oh! And I saw the best movie ever yesterday. If you believe in fairy tales and that dreams can come true and that there should be the possibility of people just breaking into song and dance at the slightest provocation, then you will love Enchanted. It was very, very, very cute. And there was a big dance number in Central Park!

Keem (after big dance number): I want to press rewind.
DM: Me too.

Hello. Last night Keem and I made a trip to Target where we purchased TV Trays (so I can play with beads and hopefully make an anklet that will fit around my gigantic swollen ankle (have I mentioned that sometimes I hate being a woman, especially when that sometimes lasts forever because of the BLOODY HELL I am dealing with? Fortunately my doctor called in a prescription for Provera for me so I don’t have to worry about this for another year or so (hopefully. Please God. Are hysterectomies really all that bad?)) because it is finally SPRING! and that means I can wear capris. All the time).

As we headed to the check out lane, I saw the afforementioned Night at the Museum and convinced Keem we must have it (this was easy because she also wanted to see it). So, last night, after dragging the extremely heavy TV Trays up to the apartment, we decided to watch the movie.

As you know, no movie is complete without popcorn (well, for most of us) and Keem prepared the popcorn with cinnamon and sugar (me) and cheese and parmesan (her). Keem is the best cook in the world, just in case you did not know this. I am not.

The basic plot of the movie is that Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) is kind of a loser and can’t hold a job and this is causing stress for his ex-wife because she is worried that their son can’t handle any more disappointment from Larry’s get-rich-quick schemes (example: he invented the “Snapper” which, of course, doesn’t get much attention because the “Clapper” is already out there) and the fact that he is constantly moving because he doesn’t have any money. As we all know, landlords, for some odd reason, expect to get paid rent or they will evict you. Crazy but true.

Anyway, Larry, realizing that his kid is starting to follow in the footsteps of his somewhat annoying step-father Rob or Bob or something (not really important, he’s a bond trader. Who cares? Oh, it’s Don. Oops) and so he goes to an employment agency where he is told he is pretty much a loser by the employment agency lady (small part but she is very funny) and the only job he might be able to land is as night watchman at a (wait for it) museum.

The previous watchmen are all being fired because the museum isn’t making a lot of money and so there is some time spent with Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney (I thought he was dead but apparently not (Keem: How old is Mickey Rooney? DM: 5,000 years old. Keem: He looks pretty good for his age)) and some other guy that I didn’t recognize. Let’s consult IMDB. Bill Cobbs. No clue. He looked familiar. They think Larry is perfect for the job. There is some sort of dun duh dah music playing which we know means Larry is in for some sort of trouble.

And boy howdy, is he ever (I do not know where the boy howdy came from)! Starting with a T-Rex who wants to play fetch (absolutely adorable), a really annoying monkey, man-eating lions, mini-people who try to kill him by running a model train into his head & Atilla accompanied by other Huns, Larry finds himself a little out of his element. Fortunately, there is Teddy Roosevelt, aptly played by Robin Williams, who comes to his rescue.

I’m not going to give anymore away but I have to tell you that I loved this movie (okay, big shock, I know. I like pretty much all of them) – there was comedy, adventure & action. There was a good message delivered & touching scenes of love, familial & romantic. Ben Stiller was great. There were some hot guys (Octavius & Ahkmenrah come to mind. And Owen Wilson played a cowboy) and a pretty decent plot. I would say if you get the chance, you should check it out.

Anyway, back to work now. Tax season is done (thank God) & things have slowed down a little bit but I’m on a deadline for some other projects. Hope you all have a great day. And thanks, by the way, for your thoughts on my last post. I appreciated it.

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