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Did you really think that pineapple jogging shoes was added to the 2016 GISHWHES list as a whim? No, the truth is that Miss Jean Louis was getting ready for the 2013 [redacted leafy green vegetable I love but am unable to mention] Gala and realized she needed a pedicure. Unfortunately, she was vacationing on a small tropical island and there wasn’t a nail salon in sight.

But this dilemma was no match for our plucky heroine. She remembered seeing a pineapple farm down the road and figured that, with her skills, she could once again repurpose a fruit to meet her needs. After all, pineapples have an enzyme called bromelain which is used as a meat tenderizer. Perfect for removing any calluses, especially when combined with the rough rind of the fruit. And, while she was at it, she could create herself a cape out of pina, a textile woven from the leaves.

Unfortunately, the farm was heavily guarded and Miss Jean Louis had to climb over a fence, losing her shoes in the process. When the guards mistook her for a giant pineapple mealybug, she knew she wouldn’t be able to outrun them barefoot. Breaking out her trusty machete, she was able to fashion a pair of shoes that were both pleasing to the eye and aided her escape.

So the pineapple jogging shoes item is her way of bringing fabulous feet to the rest of the world.


More semi-excuses for my absence

Okay, busy, busy, busy, life is weird and frustrating and funny and odd and oh, my GOD my head hurts (work is kind of crazy right now). I’m a horrible person because I’m only managed to catch up with 3 people so far but hey, that’s much better than it was on the 16th, when I hadn’t read any of your blogs, because, did I mention that I’m horrible?

Fun news! Or, depending on your eco-leanings, yes, Keem has become one of those people

Keem bought a new car. Technically, you would call this new car an SUV. It’s a Kia Sportage and it’s Electric Blue in color (and am I the only person that thinks "It’s Electric!" when I say that? Damn you, creators of the Electric Slide!). See picture below (if it works). Anyway, I know that it’s an SUV and SUVs are technically evil but it’s really pretty and Car (the previous car (which she would not allow me to name and so I just started calling it Car and it stuck)) started making really horrible noises that sounded like it was going to die any minute. Plus, the windows didn’t work very well (Keem has not been able to roll her window completely up for over 3 years. When it snows or rains, there’s a gap that precipitation just loves to come through) and the windshield fluid holding thingy had a hole in it that couldn’t be fixed without taking the entire engine apart. And the horn hasn’t worked in over 3 years.

So two weeks ago today, Keem went to the Barnett Kia dealership in White Bear Lake (if you are in the area and need a new car, apparently they are awesome) and got the new car. The new car has not yet been named and, although I am completely awesome when it comes to naming things, am not allowed to pick the name. I am seething internally about this, just so you know. She’s waiting until she gets her new plates to make a decision. Grr.

How to drive my roommate absolutely insane

So Saturday, Keem and I went to see some movies. We went to see Cop Out and also Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. Both movies had their different redeeming features. I would not say that they were the Best! Movies! Ever! but both were enjoyable. I’d have to say I liked The Lightning Thief just a tad better but hello, Greek Mythology is awesome. Plus, I’m not sure who this Tracy Morgan guy is that was co-starring with Bruce Willis (who is still yummy in so many ways) but I had the worst time understanding half the stuff he was saying because he seemed to be shouting a lot. I would perhaps like the movie better if there had been sub-titles.

Anyway, after the movie, she hands me her cell phone and tells me to put it in her purse. I do so.

DM: I put it away correctly (I once did not put it away correctly and heard about it for quite sometime).
Keem: Did you put it in the pocket (there’s a special pocket for the phone. Don’t forget! She gets cranky!)?
DM: I did put it in the pocket.

Pause. I must state for the record that I have no idea where this came from. I am not on any drugs that I am aware of (You never know, movie people could scatter drugs over the popcorn just for the fun of it).

DM: I put it into the POCKETAH!
Keem: The what?

POCKETAH is the word pocket with ah at the end but you say it in a funny sounding intense voice. It’s seriously fun to say. Try it.


Wasn’t that fun? Anyway, for the rest of the evening, I would randomly say this to her when she wasn’t expecting it. After the 10th or 15th time, she got a little annoyed and told me I wasn’t allowed to say that word anymore. Especially if I ever want to go to the library again. So I say it my head and then giggle.


Sheldon Cooper has his BAZINGA. I have my POCKETAH!

Robot. Robot Dance.

So last night, Beth and I headed to Sonic on Robert Street in West Saint Paul (long story short, it was not a good experience and we won’t be going back. The food was horrible and, when we complained about it, we were treated like we were idiots). After leaving Sonic, we went to Wal-Mart because they’re open to 11 PM and we needed something to do after we drove out of Sonic’s lot, vowing to never come back (to that one, anyway, I’m sure all the other Sonics are lovely). We are wandering around the scrapbooking aisles and then come across the buttons.

In case you did not know, buttons can be used to scrapbook with. Pretty much anything can be used for scrapbooking. It’s pretty awesome. Anyway, I found this button with a robot on it. Cheesy looking red and blue robot with his arms raised. It looks like a 5 year old drew the robot and someone decided to make a button out of it.

DM: Look. It’s a robot. Doing a robot dance.

At the exact same time, Beth and I say "Robot. Robot dance" while doing a robot dance. We realize that we are in the middle of Wal-Mart and stop the dance. We can’t believe we did this but decided that the fact that we both said and did the same thing at the exact same time and stopped dancing at the same time needs to be memorialized. Beth bought the buttons. Yes. We’re going to scrapbook about something we did while shopping for scrapbooking supplies. We are that dorky.

I’m being Facebook stalked

So there’s this guy who keeps leaving these random comments on my Facebook statuses and it’s a bit confusing. I’m not exactly how we became "Facebook friends" but I’m sure it was for Mafia Wars or something like that. I’m "friends" with over 1,500 people. From his picture, I can tell he’s Arabic and I’m pretty sure English isn’t his first language.

Anyway, he leaves a comment about how I should send him my phone number because I am his flower and "I sickness you". What the hell does that mean?

I make the mistake of going "online" instead of hiding in my "offline" status (long story short, there’s this crazy woman I used to go to school with who told me one of my high school friends is now a hooker in Vegas. She’s not a hooker, in Vegas or anywhere else. Anytime I go online, she’s there and wants to chat). I receive a chat message that says "I sickness you." Again. Dude. I have no idea what that means.

I had my high school yearbook picture up for awhile and a few days ago, I did a "Robot. Robot Dance" status update. Just for the heck of it. He left a message that said "I do not like robot. I like your face which is beautiful."

Okay. Right. I changed the picture to a more recent picture of me. How do you like me now? My status update is now about how I managed to set myself on fire again on Sunday (I have no clue how I do this. Perhaps I need to relearn how to smoke). He leaves another comment. "Why you…fat…great change." Again, what the hell does that mean? Are you telling me I’m fat? I know that already. Are you saying I look better now than I did in high school? You’re insane. While I recognize that I am quite adorable, I was seriously cute in that picture.

So I’m telling co-worker Jessica A about this today (she’s my very newest co-worker and is not to be confused with co-worker Jessica R) and two of the tech guys are listening to my story. I mention that he’s been leaving this comment that says "I sickness you." Both of them pause and look at each other. One of them says "I know what it means. It’s Internet geek talk and it’s not something I can tell you here." Now I am even more confused. Is it dirty? Is it insulting? I tried Googling it but nothing really came up for it.

I’m thinking I’m going to remove him as a friend, though. While the chances of us ever meeting up are slim, really, I don’t need the confusion.

Plus, seriously, who doesn’t like robots? Robots are awesome!

Semi-excuses for my absence

So I am still a little sick but not horrible. My poor neglected blog, I miss you so. I hate not being able to post at work. Once I get home, I’m so worn out and obsessively play stupid Facebook games (not bad enough that I appeared on a Dr. Phil special about Farmville addiction, mind you) but I have been known to yell "Give me more energy, you stupid game" at Treasure Madness. Also, I found this awesome $20 computer role playing game called Legend: Hand of God which is basically about going and kicking the various buttocks of bad guys. So I’m kind of obsessed with that and played until 12:30 last night.

Scrapbooking-a-thon weekend

I took last week off. The plan was, Co-Worker Rykken would drive me home and Beth would pick me up at about 6 PM since she had Friday and Saturday off of work. That would give us four glorious scrapbooking days. It was an awesome plan. However, as plans sometimes go, it went awry, starting on the drive home in Rykken’s car – about halfway to my place:

DM: Babble, babble, babble, I will tell you random stories about everything because all I seem to do when you give me a ride home is babble. Or climb on my soap box about various things. Babble, babble, babble.
Rykken: Stoically listens to me and makes the occasional dry, witty comment. Because he is awesome.
DM: Crap! Rykken! I left my purse at work!

I have never ever once left my purse at work. I even take my purse with me on fire and tornado drills. But today, of course, I forget it.

Rykken: I suppose your car keys are in there.
DM: Yes.

Rykken makes a left turn to head back to work.

DM: You hate me, don’t you.
Rykken: Yes. I really disliked having to make that turn.

See what I mean? Totally dry and witty sense of humor. He cracks me up constantly.

He drives me back to work and lets me use his cell phone so I can call Beth.

B: Hello.
DM: Hi! Guess what? I forgot my purse at work and have to go back for it. You might want to wait about ten minutes before leaving.
B: Um, I’m already in your parking ramp. I wasn’t sure what traffic would be like (keep in mind that she’s supposed to pick me up at 6 and it is 5:15). I guess I left a little too early.
DM: Oh no!
B: Tell Rykken he is awesome for taking care of my friend.
DM: Rykken. You are awesome.

I later berate him for telling me he’s not going to watch the Super Bowl.

DM: What? This is just wrong. How am I going to know about all the new commercials if you don’t watch the Super Bowl?
Rykken: You’ll watch them yourself for the next six months?

He is very logical. It’s quite aggravating. Beth, however, thought this was pretty funny.

I get back to work, run upstairs, feed the starving kitties, pack (because why would I do that the night before?), decide not to bring my green bag and run downstairs. Later that evening, as I am preparing for my scrapbooking weekend, I realize I have forgotten my pictures. I have about three page layouts and that’s it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to scrapbook if you don’t have pictures? While it can be done, you end up creating page layouts that you look at later and think "What the hell was I thinking?"

Beth holds up her cell phone.

B: Do you want to call Rykken and ask if he’ll come to get you and bring you back to your place? We could see just how nice of a guy he really is.

We laugh.

B: That is not an option. When you tell him about this, make sure he knows that I was joking.

We are driving along to Cub because we need something and a few ashes fly back at me. I think nothing of them. Later, at Cub, I start rubbing my sternum and say "Hmm, this hurts for some reason. I wonder why. I can’t wait to change into my pajamas."

Wearing your pajamas is one of the best parts about scrapbooking weekends! We get back to Beth’s house and I go to change. I come out later and say "Hey, remember how I said this hurt? Yeah, apparently I set myself on fire again."

Somehow I had a burn in between my girls. I have no idea how this happened. I have no holes in my clothes at all. It looked like a 2nd degree burn (although it did heal nicely and is gone). This is twice in two months that I have set myself on fire! Did I suddenly forget how to smoke? Yes, yes, I know I should quit.

Beth drives me back home later that evening so I can find my pictures. Remember the green bag I decided not to bring? They were in there. Of course.

We scrapbook. On Saturday, James comes over to meet Kurka and we’re going to go to lunch. I realize I have forgotten my gloves and head back to the guest room to find them. Huh. Somehow I managed to lock myself out of the guest room. There’s no key to the guest room. James finds my adventurous weekend quite hilarious and laughs hysterically, when he is not being attacked by Kurka. Kurka is a very friendly dog and loves to meet new people. James walked in, sat down on the floor and Kurka flung himself at him. It was so cute. Kurka was even licking James’ hair and James said it was fine. It was seriously cute.

We get back to Beth’s, she manages to jimmy open the lock with a scrapbooking tool (paper piercer) and that’s when I realize "Huh. I lost my gloves." Brilliant. I have no idea where they ended up. It is at this point that I think "I’m a little afraid to walk outside of the house now. Someone might drop a house on me."

The rest of the weekend is fairly uneventful but very much fun. I got a lot of pages done and may actually finish Portugal this year, 5 years after the first trip. I’m not a very quick scrapbooker but I have fun so that’s all that counts.

Beth rented Zombieland because she wanted me to see it. That is now my 3rd favorite movie of 2009. Star Trek, of course, was number 1, followed by Inglorious Basterds. I laughed so hard while watching it. If you haven’t seen it, I would recommend it. It was hilarious and even though it was a bit gory (Hello, zombies!), that didn’t bother me. I don’t typically like zombie movies but this one was pretty awesome.

Well, there’s more stuff but this went a bit longer than I thought it would so maybe I’ll follow up in a day or so. Keep cool, my peeps!

Keem and I are at McDonald’s this morning, getting breakfast. She decides to contribute a dollar to the Ronald McDonald house and receives a small slip of paper thanking her for her donation.

DM: You can hang this up at your cubicle so every one can see how wonderful you are.
Keem: Uh, no. You can hang it up at yours if you want.
DM: No, that’s not going to happen. It has clowns on it.


DM: Although Ronald McDonald has been around for years and he doesn’t really scare me.
Keem: There is that.
DM: I’ve never heard of him going insane and killing anyone.

So the question I put before you, my friends, is Ronald McDonald the only decent clown out there or does he have a really good PR department?

Welcome to my world. This is what I think of at 6:45 in the morning. It’s a little frightening.

No, Joe, I have not watched the movie yet.* Beth and I have talked about doing a double feature so I can confront my fears. The other movie would be The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Tomatoes are, in case you were not aware of it, evil. Yeah. I admit to having some strange phobias. Heights, elevators, spiral staircases, vampires lurking in the freezer, clowns and tomatoes. Although the tomato thing is more about how I hate eating them, not that I think they’re going to jump out and eat me.

*To those of you not in the loop, Joe sent me a "present", a DVD of Killer Klowns From Outer Space. I have not yet watched this because, hello, I’m afraid of clowns! I blame Stephen King.

Because Beth had Veteran’s Day off, we decided to go to a movie. We have been avidly looking forward to seeing the newest George Clooney movie, "The Men Who Stare at Goats."

Beth picked me up and we drove to Carmike Oakdale 20. As always, we proved that I should not be in charge of directions because I told her to take 694 instead of 494. This was not correct. Apparently that number in front of the highway name is fairly important. Fortunately, we were able to turn around fairly quickly and made it to the theater in time to see the advertisements and previews.

The first preview was for a new Mel Gibson movie (snore). At first I thought it was going to be the sequel to "What Women Want" (which, if you ask me, is not Mel Gibson (or, for that matter, Helen Hunt (she annoys me)) but it turns out that Mr. Gibson is a cop and his daughter is killed. I’m not giving away the plot here because that’s revealed in the first 10 seconds of the trailer. Mr. Hard-Nosed Cop decides to find out why his daughter was killed and meets Mysterious Guy. They exchange some vaguely hard-nosed and mysterious sentences and then Mel is on the run, trying to get to the bottom of things. He’s being attacked, things are blowing up, etc. Then he says it:

Mel: You had better decide whether you’re hangin’ on the cross… or bangin’ in the nails.

Beth and I both burst into laughter because that’s just the most ridiculous line ever. There was also a group of men in the front of the theater that started laughing as well. I am thinking that the writers of this movie were probably not expecting that reaction. But hello, every line in this trailer was pure cliché. Especially when Mel’s using his grating, "I am a macho, embittered man who has nothing to lose (which he says at one point as well) because my daughter is dead" voice. Later, when we were still laughing over this, Beth said the movie should be called "The Cliché" instead of "Edge of Darkness."

The previews for "2012" and "Avatar" play. Beth and I agree that they both seem stupid but John Cusack is still pretty cute. Not cute enough to see 2012 for, unfortunately.

The next preview plays. In this small town, people seem to be getting sick. They start staring off into space and then start killing people for no apparent reason. Beth and I are trying to figure out if this is a zombie movie. It seems zombie like. There’s this woman strapped to a cot and some weird looking guy is dragging a pitchfork or something forked and is just about to slam it into her head. Obviously it’s a scary movie. No, don’t need to see this, thanks much.

Then the name of the movie flashed onto the screen. Obviously it’ll be something edgy and dark and scary, right? Uh, no.

It’s called "The Crazies."

Yet again, Beth and I start laughing. Seriously, what? This is the most menacing title you could come up with? Why not call it "The Mondays" while you’re at it (as in "Sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays)?

Soon later, we were able to watch the movie we came for. "The Men Who Stare at Goats" is actually quite funny. It is not the best movie ever but it was amusing and fun and that’s what I like in a movie. Plus I do enjoy the occasional conspiracy theory (despite my feelings about Mel Gibson, I do love the movie "Conspiracy Theory"). George Clooney is amazing and I love him. I would recommend going to see it but you could probably save yourself a couple bucks and go to the matinee. Why are movies $10 now? That’s just crazy talk.

Other movies I have seen lately were "Couples Retreat" which was cute and "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" which was phenomenal! "Cloudy" was one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. That honor also belongs to "Star Trek" and "The Proposal".

My desktop at work is four scenes from Star Trek. The crew staring at Spock. Spock strangling Kirk. Kirk climbing out of the shuttle craft on the ice planet. Kirk sitting in Spock’s chair while Bones and Spock look wise. I loved that movie. Every day I announce to my co-workers how many days it is until the DVD is out (today it is 5). They have not yet killed me for this. I’m thinking it could happen soon.

Have you seen any good movies lately?

Hey!  I am really behind on blogs and I apologize!  I will get caught up one of these days.

Meanwhile, I’m posting an online discussion for Very Bookish.  I read the best book ever, The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan (no, I never exaggerate.  Not me) and decided to share it with the world (well, part of the world).  If you want to read along, check it out here.

I just found out today that it’s going to be a movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In case you can’t tell, I’m very excited.  Greek mythology?  Modern times?  Makes me happy!

With bullet points! Woo-hoo!

  • One of my friends lent me her copy of Southern Rain, a Billy Ray Cyrus CD. I am not sure what to make of the fact that I actually really like his singing. This just seems so wrong somehow. Not as wrong as liking Kid Rock’s All Summer Long but still…
  • I am recovering from a bout with the something. I’m not exactly sure what I had/have but it is nasty and I want to go back to bed. I was out of work yesterday and am wondering if I should have returned today. Mainly I’m just coughing an awful lot but I did have a fever and a headache that would not quit.
  • I called Keem at work yesterday and left the following message for her:

DM: I had a dream where someone cut out my brain and that made my head stop hurting and then I woke up and my brain was still in my head and it really hurts and now I wish someone would cut it out.

  • I believe Keem’s response was "Vittum, you are weird."
  • Keem has a candy dish at her desk and she has stocked it with mini Almond Joy bars, which are, in case you are not aware of this, the most perfect American candy bar ever (the most perfect international candy bar would be the Lindt Pistachio (whole hazelnuts in a pistachio cream, covered with milk chocolate)).
  • I was grabbing an Almond Joy and a Starburst when Keem looked up at me and mouthed the word "One."
  • Keem is kind of bossy and likes to tell me how much candy I can have (which is actually a good thing because otherwise I would eat the entire bucket).
  • I had quite possibly the most perfect response to that:

DM (holding up the Starburst): These have Vitamin C in them!

Keem (rolls her eyes and tries to keep from laughing): I’m sorry, could you repeat that?

  • I took the fact that I made her flub a call as permission to take the extra candy and hightailed it out of there.
  • Occasionally Keem and I will walk on our lunch. Today was one of those days.
  • Keem stopped at the bathroom first and I sat down on the somewhat couch-like thingy in the lobby.
  • I was somewhat bored and did not have a book so I did the most normal thing possible.
  • I should rephrase that and say the most Dana thing possible.
  • The most Dana thing possible was to flop over on my side and play dead.
  • My boss chose to walk by a moment later. The boss who has been dealing with the fact that half of her team has been in and out of the office with what may or may not be the swine flu. Oh, sorry, H1N1.

Cheryl: Dana, are you okay?
DM: I have died from waiting for Keem too long.
Cheryl (laughs and walks away)

  • Keem did not greet me with the same concern. Keem tried to roll me off of the couch-like thingy. Keem is mean that way.
  • Walking around the parking lot, something that I normally do without any problem whatsoever, turned me into a wheezing, panting, tired Dana. Apparently I am not so over this plague or whatever you want to call it.
  • Anyway, that’s about it. Except for the fact that I will be participating in the most exciting thing known to mankind, the Choose Your Own Blogventure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • The multiple exclamation points just prove how exciting this is. For more information about the CYOB, please visit NPW’s blog, creator of the CYOB, empress of awesome and all sorts of other things (she’s a librarian! Do you have any idea how awesome that is?).
  • Also, I will be contributing to an online book club in November. I will be discussing a book that I adored, called The Lightning Thief, by Rick Riordan. No one is commenting on my book choice yet and it makes me feel bad and unloved. Please go read the information and tell me how much you look forward to reading the book with me. Please. After all, I am sick and could possibly keel over a couch-like thingy at any time. And not be faking! Plus, I think my interview answers are cute and adorable but no one has commented on that as well. The Very Bookish people seem to be a tough crowd.

Today I logged into my computer and got an error message. Something about my something being out of date and I need to something. I ignored it and continued to set up my computer for the day. Then I tried to get into email. Uh-oh. Something is wrong. I can’t open up the mailbox for the Electronic Resource Library. This is not good. I need to access this. It’s very important.

Panic ensues. For the few minutes it takes me to decide I’ll work on monitoring instead. Except I can’t work on monitoring. I have a system. ER-Library in the morning, monitoring in the afternoon. I have to follow the system. I need to be able to access my email. WHY IS THIS NOT WORKING?

After many curse words later, I find Jaime and ask him to fix my stupid computer (his words, not mine. He saved a post-it note of mine that I left for him about a year ago that says "Jaime. My stupid computer is being stupid." It makes him laugh).

I point out the many things that are aggravating me. "Look. I can’t click here. And I have to choose send/receive email in order to receive any email. This is very irritating."

Jamie: Dana. You’re offline.

DM: Yeah but that’s because of the something error message. Right?
Jamie: Let me see.

He takes my mouse away from me (ARGH! Not my mouse!) and closes Outlook. He then opens it again and changes my status to Online (or connected, technically). Emails pop in, I am able to get into the ER-Library inbox. Life is good.

Except that I am incredibly embarrassed and irritated. He walks away (quietly chuckling to himself) as I am muttering "Stupid technology and its stupid rules."

Someday I’m going to be rich and will have a tech staff that will deal with all my problems with "You’re right, oh great and wondrous one. That is a very difficult problem. Why don’t you sit here and read a book and we’ll take of it for you?" And they will serve me Coke Zero. And there will be no laughing at me! Well, at least where I can hear them. Unless, of course, it is good blog fodder.

This is almost as bad as the time I told my boss my monitor wasn’t working and he came over and hit the on button. Almost.

Josh’s birthday party was this weekend.  My nephew is now 5.  Five.  How does this happen?  Yes, yes, I know that time stops for no man (unless, of course, you’re Hiro) and children do grow up (unless they are Peter Pan and then want to really tick off Beth (she preferred the movie Hook)). 

Josh has grown up into a small child with an addiction to a thing that I can not accept.  Namely Star Wars.  Blech.  I do not understand this obsession for Star Wars* but I know where it came from.  His father.  That rat bastard sat my impressionable nephew down in front of a television and said "Hey, watch this."  And the child did.  And it was bad!  Does Josh know how great Captain Kirk is?  No.  Does he understand my obsession with Data and my wish to have my very own android boyfriend?  No (but then no one really does).  And yet, my sister objected to me introducing Josh to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Apparently Buffy’s too violent for my gentle nephew (no problems with him playing with a light saber but let him even look at a piece of wood sharpened ever so slightly?  Sheesh (I asked Kari about this and apparently Josh has only seen two of the movies and some of the cartoons.  None of the violent ones.  So my chances of introducing Josh to Buffy have been thwarted once again)). 

*He did get a Star Wars Lego shirt that I thought was pretty cool (old school Star Wars with the beauteous Harrison Ford as Han Solo (Indiana Jones in space)).  His other obsession would be for Legos which I can get behind because there are Indiana Jones Legos and Batman Legos but no Star Trek Legos (which, by the way, is Eric’s counter for my logically thought out argument that Star Wars is awful and Josh should be watching Star Trek.  Eric says (in the snottiest tone ever) "Are there Star Trek Legos?  No?  Sorry, you lose."**

*Okay, he may not actually have said that but the tone was awfully snotty.  Eric is the little brother I never wanted.***

***But I do adore him.  He is my favorite brother-in-law (mainly because I don’t really know my half-sisters’ husbands very well but I am pretty sure that Luther (Nancy’s husband) would support my love of Star Trek (I actually don’t have any clue but maybe I will check on that and then switch brother-in-law allegiance)) even though he is MEAN to me.

I had a point.  I’m not sure what it was.  Um, Josh, birthday party, Star Wars…oh, yeah.  Okay.  Anyway, the party took place at USA Karate.  Josh is into karate now.  I am cool with that (Might be good to know some defense when attacked by those vampires.  You know, since he hasn’t been able to watch Buffy!) and have always enjoyed martial arts movies (Big Trouble in Little China!  And Blade comes to mind.  Martial arts, vampires.  How could you possible go wrong?  (According to Kari, no way in hell am I allowed to introduce Josh to Blade)).  His instructor, Mr. Ranch, is about 25, dedicated, good with children and quite attractive.  Reminds me somewhat of Ralph Macchio in his prime (Mmm, Italiany goodness.  Favorite Ralph Macchio movie?  My Cousin Vinny of course.  He’s just so pretty when he’s cruising along the road with his friend.  And the Karate Kid movies are pretty good as well).  There was another man there, Mr. Sullivan, who was also good with the children but his relative attractiveness increased the more he started working with the pole (I do not know how to phrase this in a way that doesn’t sound dirty).  And then decreased when he sided with Eric about Star Wars.  Mr. Ranch’s attractiveness increased far more when my response was "Well, does Star Wars have Data?  R2D2 is just a giant salt shaker" and he agreed with me. 

On our way back to the homestead, Kari and I were discussing how the party was enjoyable (with just a brief moment of fear when I was in charge of documenting who the gifts were from and the children descended upon Josh with the cries of "Open my present first, Josh" and gnashing of their teeth when he opened another present instead of theirs and then they would all descend upon him again and there was the flying of the wrapping paper and made me remark to the pregnant woman next to me that children were creepy (I will state in her favor that she did laugh)) and how Josh got some great presents (including Batman Legos from yours truly.  Because they are AWESOME) and how it was fun watching Mr. Ranch and Mr. Sullivan interact with the kids and was I too old to start karate because I was kind of jealous of Josh.  And then I mentioned Mr. Sullivan working with the pole (what is that thing called?  Surely it can’t be the pole?) and how I enjoyed that, she agreed.  And then I signed and perhaps said a little too loudly "Karate is hot."

Josh:  What?!!? (in that incredulous, what did you say, tone that young children get)
DM:  Karate is fun to watch.  Yes, that’s it.
Kari (laughing at my furious back pedal because sometimes I forget Josh is getting older and is starting to understand things.  You should have seen the dirty look I got when I said "Hey, Mom, how old was I when I stopped believing in Santa Claus?"  Luckily he was only 2 and didn’t catch it.  Otherwise I would be dead now):  Hahaha!

Kari came over Saturday night and we watched Bulletproof Monk because we were both in the mood for an action movie and the selection for On Demand was a little slim.  Plus Kari didn’t think she had seen it before.  I prefer the alternate version on the DVD which has Mr. Funktastic and his crew helping Kar and Jade but it’s still a good movie.  Kari spent the night because she was too tired to drive home.  I am quite fond of my sister (such a change from when we were growing up.  I have mentioned her nickname was Brat before, right?) and like the "Girl’s Nights" that we spend (typically she comes over to watch America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway and Kim cooks.  Since tomorrow’s the finale of Project Runway, we may need to start watching Stylista which seems to be a reality show version of The Devil Wears Prada.  Scary but filled with Drama (which is fun if it’s not your life).  We will not be watching Paris Hilton search for her new BFF, that’s for damn sure.  I can only handle so much Drama.

Ralph Macchio, by the way, is 47, still pretty cute and has a movie in post production.  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead.  Which is, apparently, about vampires.  So we come full circle.

This is actually from a few weeks ago (maybe a month?).  Hmm.  When did the new bridge open?  Okay.  It’s from September 18th.

I’ve mentioned before that there are two main aspects to my job.  The first aspect is monitoring phone calls for representatives and scoring the calls.  This is huge for me because I absolutely adore customer service.  I think customer service is the most important thing that we can offer stock owners and dagnabit – people better be providing it. 

The other aspect is that I update our Electronic Resource (it’s a library housed on our intranet site.  We call it Libby) – where the reps go to find information about companies that we work with or how to assist a stock holder that wants to sell their shares, etc.  This is also important because the reps really can’t provide excellent customer service if they don’t have the information they need.

So my day is divided up between these two tasks with distractions as I answer questions from just about everyone about how to score calls and where can I find this information in Libby and what should I do about this call that I’m on right now and everything else.  It can get a little hectic.

Now I, for some reason, thrive on stress.  I don’t like to be bored, I like to have something to do at all times or I can find myself getting distracted and sneaking off to bloglines to find out what my favorite bloggers are writing about (that would be you, gentle reader) or reading the latest news (which is not like me at all because I typically avoid the news like the plague but the new home page that we use at NABABNA has MSN headlines every day so I’ll find myself going "Oh, the new bridge opened today?" or "Good Lord, what was McCain thinking?" and then I have to read the article and will find myself reading other articles).  So hectic is a good thing – it keeps me going and I’m not bored so I am less likely to fall asleep at my desk. 

However, this Tuesday I had a little more stress than I wanted.

Here’s some background.  Back when I worked for NABABNA’s main call center, I was updating something in one of the shared drives.  I don’t really know how a shared drive works but I have a vague idea that it is something that I can view on my computer and other people can view it on their computer.  And then I see something that I don’t need in my folder (statistics from 2000 or something like that) and I delete it.  It doesn’t dawn on me that this could cause a problem for everyone else until the following day when Main Tech Guy (we’ll call him Bob Partridge) shows up at my desk.

I don’t know Bob Partridge very well.  I’ve seen him around a few times and I have no idea what to do about the fact that he is glowering at me.  The following is a loosely based transcript of our conversation (because I don’t really remember that far back).

BP:  You.
DM:  Me?
BP:  Did you delete Excel Program Blahdeblah?
DM:  Um.  Maybe.
BP:  Do you know what happens when you delete something from a shared drive?
DM:  Um.  It’s not on my computer anymore?
BP:  It’s not on anyone’s computer anymore.  And then I have to fix it.  Don’t do it again.
DM (meekly):  Okay.

I don’t know how much time went by, maybe a couple of months, maybe a year but one day Bob shows up at my desk again.

BP:  You did it again.  ARGH!  You are so stupid!  You should never touch a computer again, you spawn of Satan!   (No, he did not actually say this part but I am pretty sure he was thinking it)

DM:  What?
BP:  You deleted something from the shared drive.
DM:  I did?
BP:  Yes! 

And then he goes into a long description about why I should never do this and how this caused a ton of work for him and he would break all of my fingers if I ever did it again (okay, he didn’t say that either but if looks could kill, I would not be typing this right now).

I don’t deal well with lectures.  I might have a small problem with authority.  Just a small one.  So I am not going to put up with this anymore.

DM (snippily):  Bob, I understand this.  You don’t have to keep explaining it to me.
BP:  I don’t think you do.  Because if you did understand it, you would stop doing it!

Needless to say, that shut me up.  I listened to the lecture quietly, knowing that my boss was sitting right there.  Laughing his fool head off.  Bob went on his way and our paths rarely crossed again.  Although he always seemed confused when I would greet him with "Hi.  Please don’t yell at me."

So Tuesday.  I’m working on Libby.  I have to add some information about a new company.  Somehow and I am not quite sure how this happened because I’m not supposed to have delete capability in Front Page (Windows Application that lets you work on websites.  That’s about as much as I know about it), I manage to delete an entire folder of updates.  This is the R folder.  I was working in the F folder to add the new company, Fairly Small Company.  How I managed to delete the R folder when working in the F folder, I don’t know.  The only thing that I can think that might have happened is I was going to change the name of my document and instead of using rename, I used delete.  You know, because these commands are so similar.

We have a lot of companies that are housed in R.  A lot.  Tons.  Many large companies.  So you can imagine how I felt when I went to update some information about Really Large Company and saw that I had a Q folder and an S folder but no R folder.  There was a lot of cursing involved.

Fortunately I was able to call Jess (one of the Tech People).

Jess:  Hi, this is Jess.  How can I help you?
DM:  Help.  Oh, help.  I accidently deleted one of the folders in Front Page.  I don’t know how.  Please, please, please tell me you can restore it.  Please.

Jess:  Well, I can’t but I can have someone take care of it.  It should be fine.
DM:  I love you!
Jess:  Um.  Okay.

And then, of course, I had to send an email out to my entire phone center and explain that they wouldn’t be able to access R because of a glitch (right, like I’m going to tell everyone that I deleted it).  I think it was figured it out anyway because after I send out the email telling them that it was fixed, I got several responses:

From Co-Worker Beau:   Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
From Co-Worker Annette:  Yeah… my truck was called T-OY while R was missing….
(Apparently her truck is named Troy after some guy from Montgomery Gentry.  I believe that is the name of a band but don’t quote me on it).

From Co-Worker Christine:  Thank you for returning my R…R was so very missed.
(Accompanied by a picture of Ernie from Sesame Street pulling a rabbit out of a hat)

From Co-Worker Jessica after I said Dagnabit about something that was thwarting me:  Did you delete R again?

As I told Beth, I will never live this down.  And her response was "You’ll never live it down unless you stop doing it!"

July 2018
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