Started on the path of “Oh my god, I’m going to die”

Today I signed up for Weight Watchers.  It’s being offered at work and I’m pretty excited about it.  The program has changed a lot since the last time I was a member.  I figured it’s about time I start doing something about my weight and the fact that I’m completely out of shape.

The division of Wells Fargo that I work for has two offices.  Until recently, one was in Mendota Heights and the other was in South Saint Paul.  Kim was at the SSP office while I was in MH.  About a month ago, Kim’s office is now up the street from mine, maybe a quarter of a mile away.  She typically calls me to let me know when she’s on her way to pick me up.  One day I walked outside and thought “It’s too hot to just stand here” so I started walking up to meet her.  I try to do this about two-three times a week, if not more often.  It’s more exercise than I normally get.

My body is displeased with me.  It doesn’t like the walking and starts to throw temper tantrums.  Back spasms, knee pain (still sore from our move over two months ago), heavy breathing (I sound like I’m competing for world’s most obscene phone call), etc.  But I don’t care.  I am tired of being obese.  I am going to do something about this even if it kills me.  And it might.  With the weather hitting above 90s all this week and the godawful humidity, I need to be careful.  So I have Kim drop me off and walk to work in the morning.

Hopefully there will be good results.

Now I must go.  It’s 1:35 AM and Kalli has decided she wants to cuddle so she’s trying to climb on the keyboard.

Mere words cannot express my joy

But hey, I’ll give it a go anyway.  What the heck, right?

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning.  Follow-up on how things are going since I started taking insulin.

How are they going?  The words spectacular and fantastic come to mind.

• My blood sugar is under control (ranging around 140 after fasting which is really good when you consider it was well over 200)
• I feel better (well, other than the fact that I am sick and want to crawl into bed forever)
• I made the decision to not eat pizza after I checked my blood sugar and saw that it was high (the pizza would have been a midnight snack, not my regular dinner)
• I am making healthy, responsibile choices when it comes to eating
• Lean Pockets Spinach, Artichoke Chicken pocket thingy is quite possibly the yummiest thing ever
• So is Coke Zero.  Unless, of course, you are a diehard Coke fan.  Then you won’t be convinced.  But for me, it is a nice substitute for Mountain Dew
• My chiropractor came into the examination room on Monday and asked “Are you exercising?”  I was.  While lying on the examination table.  I pretend I am lifting weights.  And also I do leg lifts.  It’s kind of fun
• I know.  The fact that I am saying that exercising is fun has not escaped me here
• I lost 11 pounds
• Wait.  I don’t know if I said that loud enough.  I LOST 11 POUNDS!!!!!

Eleven freakin’ pounds.  And that was wearing my shoes.  So, as Deb told me this morning, it may actually be closer to 13 pounds.  Not that I’m going to quibble.  I’m fine with just saying 11.

Other than that, I have bronchitis.  Which is not so much fun but it could be worse.  It could be pneumonia and I could be writing this in a hospital bed, begging someone to get me access to the internet before I hurt them.

Hope you are all doing well!

Why my doctor is always right

Those of you that have been reading my blog for awhile are aware that I found out I was diabetic in 2007, shortly after I turned 40 and my body decided to fall apart (why do I always want to type apartment there?).  Knowing me, I am sure none of you will be surprised to know that, after a short period of being the model patient (taking my pills, monitoring my blood sugar, eating healthy), I pretty much said “Screw it.”  Why?  I hate needles.  The Metformin I was taking made me sick to my stomach.  I discovered that, no matter how much I love a good salad, my body did not care for them and would react in ways that were not fun.  Plus, the minute I start thinking I’m on a diet, I am convinced I am starving and will binge like crazy.

So, where was I?  Oh, yes, good behavior fell at the wayside.  Anyway, I haven’t been back to see Deb (my doctor) in awhile but recently got a letter from my clinic saying my Happy Pills (Effexor) now had a generic version and I could save tons of money.  I called and asked for a prescription.  However, Deb had her nurse call me and say I needed to come in for a discussion on my depression to see if this would be right for me.

Yeah, she’s tricky.  We did discuss my depression but we also talked about the whole diabetes thing.  She told me that was the real reason she had me come in.  She brought up insulin again and I gave all the reasons why I didn’t want to take insulin (okay, there’s one.  I hate needles) and she said I should try this one called Levemir.  Only one injection a day, non-invasive, etc.  She could easily prescribe me another oral medication but it may just make me as sick to my stomach as Metformin. 

Fine, I say.  I’ll try it, I say.  She sends this really sweet nurse in to draw my blood (I have evil veins that like to roll.  The other nurses won’t go near me) and show me how to give myself the injection.

May I just tell you that it is the easiest thing I have ever done?  There’s this tiny little needle that is even thinner than my cross stitch needles.  There is no pain involved and honestly?  It’s actually kind of fun giving myself the injection.  I never expected to enjoy it.

Also, my blood sugar has dropped over 50-60 points and is staying there.  I have some more energy.  I’m not as hungry all the time (and when I am, I have learned to embrace yogurt.  Or Baked Lays.  And carrots.  Apparently I LOVE carrots).  I am actually exercising. 

Things are pretty good right now.  Except for the evil plague that has captured me and is holding me hostage (some sort of cold.  Started out as a sore throat, mutated into sore throat and stuffy nose and is now heading for my lungs), I feel the best that I have felt in years.

I hope you are all doing well.  How is your summer going for you?

And I take your shoulder pain and I banish it!

So Keem and I had a chiropractor appointment today.  We got the results from our last exam and our range of motion is improving.  This is a good thing.  The bad thing is that we now move from having an appointment once a week to now twice a month.  I kind of got used to being adjusted but will learn to deal with it, I guess.

One cool thing that happened today is that the doctor worked on my arm.  After digging his fingers into my shoulder muscles, massaging rapidly and ignoring my pleas for mercy (okay, mainly what I was saying was “Ow, ow, ow.  Ow-ow-OW-ow.”), he had me lift my arm over his shoulder and gently tugged up on it.  I felt something move, I am assuming back into the right place since he had said my joint was out of alignment.  He also gave me some exercises to use to keep my arm mobile instead of babying it.

About three hours later, I realized something.  Something was missing.  What was it?  Oh!  I know.  It was pain!  Instead of the weird “twisted” feeling that I got all day with the sometimes shooting pain that liked to shoot up my arm (which I guess is why it is called shooting pain), it felt normal.  Just like my right arm felt.  I did the exercise he suggested and did not scream out in agony.

He also explained why I am always so much more sore than Keem is (apparently it is not because I have a low tolerance for pain (or at least that’s not the only reason) but my muscles are all inflamed.  So then we got to discuss the things I can do to improve this.  It involves no sugar.

I told him I had switched to Tab instead of Mountain Dew and he said that was good but there’s also artificial sweetner in Tab.  To which I replied “Dude.  You’ve got to give me something.”  That got a laugh.

So anyway, I’m going to try to give up sugar.  Something that I maybe should have done back when I was diagnosed as being diabetic.  I don’t know how well this is going to work and there might be a lot of cursing involved but today I did not go and seek out chocolate but instead had a granola bar.  One of those crunchy Kashi ones that are kind of like eating cardboard, only it is somewhat tasty cardboard.  It’s a start.  I’m not supposed to go cold turkey (I think if I did, there would be many dead people scattered around me.  I’m kind of a cranky person).

Wish me luck.  I’m supposed to exercise as well.  Damn it.  Stupid doctors and all their suggestions for your health.  Why is it that everything I like is so bad for me?  WHY?  I had to give up my yummy peanut butter crackers because of a stupid salmonella scare (I am making Christy hold onto them for now.  She looked at me and asked “If I don’t hold onto them, would you actually still eat them?”  My response was “Well, yeah.  They’re yummy.  And I haven’t died yet.  But if you hold them, I won’t think about them”)

Bullet Points – The Good, The Bad and The Random edition

I’ve mentioned that Beth makes me watch dramas, right?  She had me watch The Good, The Bad and The Ugly a few years ago.  Damn good movie.  Wow, Clint Eastwood is hot.

The Good

• I love music.  It is one of the most important things in my life (probably right after reading and above breathing (hey, breathing is important but if I couldn’t read, I probably wouldn’t care if I could breathe either). 
• Keem and I were listening to the radio this morning and “Juke Box Hero” came on.  I was instantly transported back into time to a hay ride.  I am not sure how old I was but I remember I was in junior high?  It is amazing how a song can bring back a simple memory like that and nothing really important happened.
• Tom Petty’s “Last Dance for Mary Jane” came on after that and Keem suddenly said “I worked at Kwik Trip almost 20 years ago.”  Say what?  That’s what her memory triggered, working in the deli when she first heard the song.
• Speaking of Tom Petty (and gosh, how I love him), if you are looking to have weird dreams, watch the DVD of videos Beth has before going to bed.  The videos are very cool but also quite strange and you will dream of aliens.  I think there were aliens.  Beth might remember better than I (and isn’t that pathetic, having to rely on your friends to remember a dream you had awhile ago.  God, I’m old).
• I finished my laundry.  Woo-hoo (although if your roommate tells you should be able to consolidate 4 washer loads into two dryer loads, find out what setting you should put it on.  Minnesota in winter is not a good place to go running around with damp pants).  I also found some shirts I haven’t worn in awhile because I tossed them into the corner to wash later (about a year and a half ago) and am today wearing the fish shirt!  I love the fish shirt (It’s blue with white fish stencilled on it).
• Still cold but hey, it’s above zero!  And my bones don’t ache this morning.  That’s a plus!
• I love that my last post was whining and both Sheryl and Patti focused on the positive.  That rocks.

The Bad

• I have lived in Minnesota for 40 of my 41 years (the other year was in Wisconsin).  You would think I would know better.  What happens to a 12 pack of Tab if you leave it in the trunk of your roommate’s car all weekend?
• That’s right!  It explodes!  Yay!
• Although, I did only lose 2 out of 12 cans so that’s okay.  And bonus, frozen Tab is easy to clean up and also tastes kind of yummy.  Perhaps I will make Tab popsicles.
• ARGH!  Exploding can of pop!  Where are the paper towels!  ARGH!
• Make that 3 cans.  The one that expanded as far as it possibly could without bursting did not respond well to being opened.  Sigh.
• Kalli is still just as vocal, if not more.  She will not shut up.  But she’s cute so we’re keeping her.  For now. 
• Also, she is the most anal retentive cat I have ever met.  She has taken to expressing displeasure with her litter box by peeing in bags and boxes.  So far they have all been empty but we need to nip this in the bud.  We are thinking about teaching her how to use the toilet since she’s already managed to flush it once.
• She is going to need to be spayed soon.  I am not looking forward to that expense.

The Random

• Every Sunday (or Monday, depending on what I am doing), I look forward to reading Post Secret.  Yesterday there was a post card from someone who said they would rather die prematurely than wear their CPAP mask.  This confused me, I don’t see any logic in this (I know.  Me searching for logic.  Amazing).  The CPAP isn’t the most exciting thing in the world but it helps me breathe.  And breathing is good.  But then I thought, hmm, Dana, you know, you’re kind of doing the same thing by not using the insulin Deb suggested.  So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to start jabbing myself even more instead of taking metformin.  Hopefully this will work well and you won’t find me shivering in the bathroom, glaring at the needle.  I would like to think that my fear of needles is more logical than not wanting to wear a CPAP mask but have decided it is not. 
• I was playing on Pogo this weekend and some random guy asked me to chat with him.  Okay.  Why not?  Checked his profile, he is married with five kids.  Probably safe, don’t have to worry about attempted flirting or anything.
• We somehow got on the subject of laundry and I said someday I would hire someone to do my laundry for me.  It is my least favorite chore (although I do enjoy cleaning the lint trap).  His response?  Hire a naked guy.
• Why would I want a naked guy doing my laundry?  First of all, I live in an apartment building and that wouldn’t go over well with the other tenants.  Also, I hate laundry.  Why would I watch someone do it, naked or not?
• One of my co-workers responded to an email with “Thanks, Dana, you rock.  No, I mean you HOP!”  It took me forever to get this and I kept wondering “Am I a bunny?  Am I going to a sock hop?  Why would I think sock hop?  Does anyone go to sock hops anymore?”
• Finally I asked what she meant by this and she responded “Because you like frogs.”  I think you could have heard my “OHHHHH” about a mile away.  Sometimes I am awfully slow.

This amused me.  Perhaps it falls under Random.  But it made me think of the dating scene and how glad I’m not a part of it.  Random Pogo guy asked me about sex and I said I gave it up for Lent 9 years ago (moral of this story, married men with 5 children are not safe.  Typically if you chat with someone, the subject always turns to sex.  You’d think I’d learn this by now).  Anyway, one of the blogs I recently started reading (Hi, Liz!) has included some incredibly amusing stories about online dating and I thought of her when I saw this.

I’m trying to come up with something to write about…

Hello, everybody (I cannot type that without thinking about the Simpsons. You can all chorus back with “Hi, Dr. Nick, okay?)!

So my life has been fairly uneventful since the Trifecta of WTF this weekend. I did go to the doctor on Tuesday and that was fun and exciting with all the new and exciting things that I get to do.

I did not lose one fricking pound. Not one. I gave up beef, people (well, for the most part). I am eating rice cakes! How can I not lose a pound? On the plus side, I didn’t gain a pound either so that is good. However, I am choosing to blame the scale (the lovely nurse whose name I can not remember says she hates that scale as well so that’s okay).

I must get an eye exam (yes, I know. I will. I promise. I’m thinking possibly red Buddy Holly glasses. What do you think? Any suggestions?).

I was offered the chance to get the blood sugar under control by using injectable insulin. Did I want to start that? If you think my response was a big HELL NO, you would be correct. I hate needles. The gluco stuff seems to be working and there is progress. My blood sugar level is slowly inching its way down (last night was 156. Can we all say wahoo! Yes, we can!) and the medicine isn’t making me sick, which is good because I seem to be allergic to just about any other medicine there is.

I need to get a tetnaus shot (I just know that isn’t spelled right. Tetenaus? Tetnes? What does spell check say? Oh. Tetanaus. I guess that makes sense).

I also need to get a flu shot. I’ve gone many years without a flu shot, thank you very much. But apparently it is very important that I get one. I looked at Deb and said to her “What is this fascination you have with jabbing me with needles?” She laughed.

But other than that, all is good. I am eating much better, I feel better, I took the advice on the finger poking and yesterday had a gusher (too much blood for me to even consider popping the finger into my mouth) so learned my lesson about doing the tricks on the fingers that work well. Won’t do that again.

I had my monthly review today and you’ll all be pleased to know that I am totally awesome. Even my ACW (after call work (I’m only listing this here because it will make Beth freak)) is good at an average of 55 seconds to 1:15 per call. My Quality is good, I do lots of projects, everyone loves me. We are going through some changes here because we recently received some major companies as clients so that could mean potential excellent jobs. Keeping my eyes open. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m doing but I’m not really sure I can handle a 4th tax season.

Hope you’re all well. I’ll be making the rounds later, behind on my blog reading. Sorry! Much love!

Whine, whine, whine

An open letter to my body:

Dear body,

I have the strips to monitor my glucose level now. This is good. What is not good is that you decide to release a very miserly amount of blood, not enough to fill up the strip and then I have to use a new one. Fortunately I have 100 strips and unlimited refills until next year. However, this is no excuse. I don’t like needles. It takes awhile to get up the nerve to jab myself. Please start cooperating.

And what is up with the gigantic cold sore? Or should I say 3 cold sores? All clustered in the same area? All red and puffy and glaringly obvious? Let’s quote Mitch Hedberg here. “When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don’t know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It’s like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.”

I would also like to be more alert during the day. I’m not a big fan of coffee so if you could cooperate here, that would be great.

I do appreciate your decision to actually like the following healthy items – rice cakes, low-carb tortilla wraps (so good I may never eat bread again), ground turkey, fat free chocolate milk and etc. Now if we could work up a way to burn calories while blogging, that would be great. Get on that for me, okay?

Thanks for your time,

Dana

Monitorings are good – 208, 205, 177, 198 this morning. Sticking to the diet (wait! Don’t use that word. You know how the body reacts to that word. It’s a lifestyle change! Change! Not diet! Look body, here’s something shiny!) for the most part. A slip or two but nothing major. Things are good. Well, except for this cold sore. And I have to do laundry tonight. Laundry sucks.

How are you all?

Wearing with pride

Beth came home yesterday after her trip with her mom (11 states in 8 days. Amazing) and we went to Perkins for a short time. She told me lots of stories and showed me some pictures. Really looking forward to seeing the rest of them. We also met up with Liz and James at Ol‘ Mexico last night.

Anyway, they were both thinking of me when they were at the Clinton Presidential Library and her mom, Laurie, bought me a polo shirt. It is a deep purple with the gold presidential seal and the number 42 over it. Other than being the meaning of life, 42 also refers to Bill Clinton being the 42nd president. I’m wearing it today and remembering when he was president and how much better everything was. I miss him. I wish he was still president. I remember when America was actually liked by other countries. He was just such a cool guy, still is, of course, but it was nice to be proud of your president. Unlike now.

Tomorrow I might wear my t-shirt Beth got me from Beale Street and then I will think about BBQ and how I would really like to have some brisket right now. Unless, of course, I’ve been arrested for saying something negative about George W. I saw a pretty cool bumper sticker today. It was a picture of a cell phone and underneath it, it said “One Nation Under Surveillance.” I couldn’t catch what the cell phone had in the text area but still, I was pretty psyched by it. It is almost as good as the other cell phone bumper sticker I saw about two or three weeks ago which said “Shh! Bush is listening! Use big words.”

Sorry, didn’t mean to turn this into politics.

No glucose level monitorings. My doctor forgot to fax the prescription for the test strips and they are incredibly expensive so I’d really like my insurance to pay for them. They should be available either tonight or tomorrow. You’ll be happy to know that I’m still eating carefully and avoiding a lot of heavy starches. If I do eat a starch, I balance with protein. Lots of vegetables, not much butter (and I looooove butter so this is big for me), barely any bread (also big fan of bread so another sacrifice but hey, it is worth it).

I’m feeling a little sick to my stomach right now but I think it might be because I ate a Hershey’s Kiss that was candy corn flavored. Note to self: You don’t like candy corn. Why on Earth would you think “Hey! This is candy corn flavored. I should try it.” No, you shouldn’t. Candy corn is bad.

Plus, didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Really weird dream where Beth and Keem and I were adopted by this guy and his evil (possibly twin) brother was trying to take over and get us kicked out of the mansion and then I got frost-bite because our gay brother ditched me to hook up with this really hot guy who called me a fag hag and that was irritating (I do not like that word. And why can’t you just say “Hey, this is my straight female friend.” It’s just insulting to both parties) but hey, hot, so more power to him. And, really, it was probably my fault for running through the snow barefoot. So Keem was lecturing me while she was rubbing snow on my foot. I think you’re supposed to do that for frost-bite. Because otherwise, that just strikes me as weird and a little mean. And there was a Santa Claus with a Boston accent that was a doll and our younger brother would talk to the doll and tell us what he said and would do the accent. I kind of remember the rest but it is even weirder than this so I’m going to leave it alone before you all have me locked up.

I am now going to let you know how bad I am with Geography. Last night we were counting the amount of states we’ve been to (James has been to 49. Bastard. Everyone but Hawaii) and I was having some difficulty.

DM: Have we established where Michigan is yet?
Beth (after long silent pause): We know where Michigan is, Dana.
DM: Well, I know it’s that way (pointed to my right) but do you go to Michigan to get to Chicago?
Beth: No.
DM: Okay, haven’t been there. Is there anything between the Dakotas and Wyoming?
Beth: Oh, good Lord.

Yeah. I’m not proud. Amused but not proud. Hope you all had a good weekend. I also told James he was the most irritating man I ever had the displeasure to meet. He laughed. I’m not sure why he irritated me. It might have had something to do with movies.

Johnny, sorry I missed your call. I was in and out all weekend.

Just one of the reasons why I love working here

Hello – DM’s blog has been hijacked. Actually, this is Beth helping out. I am removing a portion of DM’s post (below is her writing) because it might cost a job or something. I am helping DM. Have fun! Be good! Encourage her to be good about watching her food. It dances.

CHICKEN!

****

Thursday, September 13th
Dinner – 2 brats (no buns), carrots and onions lightly sauteed in butter (freaking awesome). I did not have the extra brat or any ice cream, although I really, really wanted some. I resisted the urge and it didn’t kill me.
Glucose monitoring – 177 (which is awesome except I forgot to do the reading at 2 hours after eating and instead checked at 10 PM so it doesn’t really count)

Friday, September 14th
Breakfast – 2 brats (no buns), cheese slices on table water crackers, two yogurts. For some reason I was extra hungry this morning so I just ate my lunch and breakfast together. I might regret this at lunch time but I guess we’ll see.
No monitoring – ran out of test strips.

Nothing really new, unless you count the hail storm

Keem and I went to my doctor’s office this morning for a class on dealing with Diabetes. It was interesting. Most of the stuff we talked about I already knew from Weight Watchers and it just convinced Keem and I that we either need to go back or start following the program on our own. The woman running the class, Janet, said that Weight Watchers is the only program she will recommend because it is based on the American Diabetes something something.

Got caught in a hail storm on the way back. Don’t think there was any damage to the car. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Anyway, hope you’re all well. Have a great day.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dinner – Lettuce, dressing, smattering of cheese and bacon, chicken, sausage
Snack – No snack! Yay! I was full!
Glucose levels – Evening 223 (serious drop! Yay)

Thursday, September 13, 2007
Breakfast – Yogurt (strawberry, blueberry)
Lunch 2 pieces of pizza (very small, just tiny squares), Weight Watchers Swedish meatballs (which were horrible, the meatballs were weird tasting and the noodles were mushy. Won’t be buying that again. Lean Cusine’s is so much better).
Glucose levels – Morning 236. WTF? Oh, wait, I took this after I already ate some of my yogurt. That makes sense.