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As you know, part of my job is updating our internal resource or Electronic Library. As you also may know, when I get tired, I have a tendency to start typing (or saying) random things (such as the time I told the stock holder he could sell his shares over the phone, in writing or putting them in the overhead compartment).

I was typing up a headline this morning and realized I wrote the following:

Major Company announced they acquired two teepees twoday.

Wow. Really? That is just all kinds of wrong. I’m just glad I didn’t hit publish before I proofread the damn thing.

The teepees, by the way, are actually other companies. Most companies don’t issue a press release when they acquire Native American buildings. At least I haven’t seen any yet.


Many moons ago, I said I might share the story of how I ended up with frosting soup. Obviously today is the day.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a girl named Dana. Her mother, a single parent who was not receiving child support, worked during the summer and Dana and her sister were not to be trusted during the day. Or she wanted us to get to do something different, one of the two. It may be a combination of both because I think I was only 10 or 12 and Kari was 8 or 10. Anyway, the whole point to this is she sent us to summer school.

Somehow I got talked into taking a cooking class. It’s possible Mom was hoping that I’d just love the idea of cooking and become a whiz at it and she would come home at night to home cooked meals. I would just state for the record that this was a silly, silly idea. I don’t like to cook. There are rules involved with cooking. And strange little math problems. Such as, how much is a cup of water? What is it in comparison to 8 ounces? Who the heck ever decided that oz should be the abbreviation for ounce? Oz is a mythical realm with strange creatures (I loved the Oz books by Frank L. Baum. The movie was okay. Do not get me started on that stupid Wicked book that irritates me).

Anyway, here’s what I remember. The class took place at the high school (I think. That’s where the majority of the summer related activities took place). The teacher was this perky lady who seemed to think that cooking was the BEST. THING. EVER! I don’t do perky very well. Plus, if I’m not reading, I have a tendency to get kind of bored. When I get bored, I get distracted and I don’t pay attention.

Our first endeavor was to make some sort of fish dish. Hello, I am a Pisces. I am also the girl that decided it would be a good idea to put a fish hook in my mouth so I could understand what my fishy brethren felt like. I do not eat fish. I do not care for the taste of fish. It tastes like guilt. Plus, the fish we were supposed to use are sardines. Tiny little fish shoved into a tiny little box with tiny little eyes that are staring at me. I think I may have screamed.

Other classes went by and there was the day I burnt water. Yes. This is a true story. I burnt water because I wasn’t paying attention to the pot because I was bored. We were making oatmeal. Blech.

The best experience, of course, was when they said we would make a cake. I like cake. Cake is exciting. And we were going to make the cake and frosting from scratch. Okay, this could be intriguing. I’d rather make a Duncan Hines box of brownies but hey, what the heck, right? This cooking thing might not be all that bad.

Yeah, right.

The recipe called for a 3 teaspoons of water. I added 3 tablespoons. Apparently you’re supposed to know the difference between tsp. and TBSP. This is one of the reasons why you will rarely catch me abbreviating anything. And why I don’t text. If you can’t spell out the word, then the word does not need to be said. Plus, numbers should never be mixed with letters. They should remain separate but equal.

In other topics, I am annoyed with the Post Office. I was going to send 3 packages off this weekend and checked the hours. I picked up 4 hours of overtime on Saturday from 8-12. When’s the majority of the Post Office branches open? Yep. 8-12. There is one, however, that’s open to 1:30. This is awesome! After Keem and I get off work, we drive over to this branch. Except there’s one problem, this Post Office doesn’t actually do anything mail service related. The only thing you can do here is pick up your mail. Um, don’t you think they could have maybe added this to the website, right next to the hours? And, I’m sorry, but what is the point to this building being a Post Office if I can’t actually do mail related things from there? Am I just supposed to know what it would cost to mail something to Australia? Or Canada? Or Las Vegas? Plus, I need exciting padded envelopes. And stamps. And apparently there’s something called Customs that I have to worry about.

So, on Saturday, I will be walking to the local branch and mailing my packets out. Perhaps I will mutter under my breath.

I also feel very strongly against the IRS right now. I’ve had to take calls and explain to people, once again, that I cannot provide them with their cost basis. Plus, I am trying to figure out my own taxes. Taxes are dumb.

Other than that, life is good except that I’m kind of sick and just a tad cranky (who would have guessed it). How are you all?

  • I’m in a somewhat of a cranky mood so I am going to vant for a moment.
  • I promise these will be funny vants though.  No panicking, loyal subjects…I mean gentle readers.
  • So my friend Annette lent me a book series which I may read.  They are about vampires and I like vampire books (It’s actually more of a fondness of the paranormal, not the actual “I really hope that I meet a vampire” feeling).  But one thing is keeping me from possibly discovering another author that I might absolutely adore and have another way of staving off boredom.  And that is that the woman who wrote the books is named Raven Hart.  Right.  Your parents decided that you should be named dark deer.  Please.  I am fine with nom de plumes but does it have to be so cheesy?  Sheesh.
  • I am sick.  I am sick of being sick.  So very sick.  Sadness.
  • Okay, that wasn’t so funny.  Unless you could hear me singing the sickness song in my completely off-key, scratchy voice. 
  • I like to sing.  It amuses me.
  • Huh.  I think that might be it.  Is the only thing making me cranky the fact that I don’t like this woman’s name and that I’m sick?  That can’t be right.
  • Oh, wait, I forgot.  We’re out of Mountain Dew in the break room and no one will go up to SA for me.  Amber offered me an apple.  I am not sure how an apple is going to work.  She said she doesn’t have any symphathy for me because there are plenty of other pops.  Beau said there is no substitute for Mountain Dew and I agreed.
  • Beau also rejected candy earlier today from Keem because candy doesn’t have caffiene.
  • I think Pepsi should make a Mountain Dew flavored candy.  That is sugar free and tastes just like the pop and has no calories and would stave off my cravings for the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods.
  • Rykken left early.  I am all alone in my corner of the office.  Aloooooooooooone.

Okay, I think I’m done.  Except it is supposed to snow and I reject the snow.  I wish I could greet it with the enthusiasm of Kalli (she chatters when she sees it and it is seriously cute.  Will post video someday) or this cat.


Stupid LOL cats.  They ruin a good crankiness with their cuteness.  Now I am smiling.

Sheryl from Paper napkin has been doing this and I’ve really enjoyed reading it.  She has been posting about the things that make her happy, something about 365 days of Grace or something like that.  Anyway, since it’s the close to the end of the year 2008 (how is this possible?  I once thought I wouldn’t make it to be 30 and now I’m living in the 21st century and am 41?  And where the heck is my flying car?)

I kind of did something like this yesterday and figured what the heck, why not again?  I doubt I could do this every day but it helps to think of pleasant things, especially when my old “friend” Depression is nipping at my heels.  She’s such a bitch.

  1. Comments!  I am a comment whore and I admit it freely.
  2. Friends, both IRL and on the interwebs.
  3. Books.  I love books so very much.  I love them with the passion of a thousand burning suns (the same passion for which I hate Nickelback (funny story (or sentence actually) my credit card has a contest going on where I could win the opportunity to follow Nickelback on tour for five days.  If I was to win, I think I’d have to decline because you would all wake up one morning to news stories about how I bludgeoned them to death with their instruments shouting “You should not be famous!  You are no-talent hacks!”).
  4. Um, I think I was talking about books, right?  Calming down now.  Hoping that no one actually budgeons Nickelback to death because I could be in big trouble.
  5. Anyway, books.  I love to read so very much.  I try to have a book with me at all times because you never know when you might have to wait for something.  Especially in the break room at work.  4 minutes waiting for your lunch to heat up just flies by when you have a book.
  6. Food days at work.  Someone brought in spiral hams and I was able to have ham sandwiches.  Plus there were ham pieces that were overly cooked and those are my favorite.  Mmm.  Ham.  Maybe I want a 3rd sandwich.
  7. The fact that my mom loves me enough to think about buying me an iPod for Christmas.  I have, however, squashed that idea by suggesting she visit my wish list on Amazon and choose something from that. 
  8. Joss Whedon.  Neil Patrick Harris.  Nathan Fillion.  The fact they have combined to create Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog makes me incredibly happy.  One of my suggestions on the Mom list.
  9. Discovering Charlaine Harris not only writes the Sookie Stackhouse books but has other series.  Found Grave Sight at Barnes and Noble the other day and have been devouring it.  This is a series about a woman who was struck by lightning when she was younger and can now find dead people.  I love paranormal mysteries.  Book 2 and 3 from the series are also on the Mom list.
  10. Knowing that Keem, Kari and I are going to make cookies this weekend with the nephew.  Should be seriously, seriously fun.  Or drive me insane.  One or the other.  And we need 20 pounds of flour.  This scares me.  That’s a lot of flour.
  11. Daily Dose of Imagery.  He’s in Canada somewhere and takes pictures.  Lots and lots of pictures.  Today is a yellow tram and it is very cute.
  12. Music.  I love having my iPod at work and whenever this particular song comes on, it makes me want to sing and dance along. It’s happy and funny and the video is really cute.  I’ll have to check out her other music.  Thank you iTunes for free music on Tuesdays.
  13. I mentioned my fondness for the LOL cats, right?  At first I resisted them (it was the grammar and the spelling.  It made me hurt) but I learned resistance is futile and gave in.  Really, I should be pleased the cats can type instead of expecting them to spell correctly.  And look!  I have figured out how to insert the pictures properly!  YAY!


So.  Had quite the day yesterday.  Burst into tears twice (once frightening a male co-worker who then offered me his tea.  Which was sweet).  Possibly more than twice.  Thought about saying screw it all and quitting.  Realized making a decision like this when I’m having a crappy day and in this economy is probably not the best idea.  Came to my senses after crying on Co-Worker Jessica for a half hour.

Anyway, long story short, I am EXTREMELY overwhelmed at work.  Extremely.  Lots and lots of whelm is piling up on me (what exactly is a whelm anyway and how can it be over you?  These are things I wonder about) and I am at the edge about ready to jump (figuratively speaking).  When I get this way, it is helpful if there are things that make me laugh.

  • The Snowmen that Keem and I spent hours on (figured out how to link them.  Kind of mad that they’re so small and you have to actually click on the picture to make it big enough for you to see but the one of Patrick Stewart is well worth it.  Trust me)
  • LOL cats
  • Anything and everything Star Trek related
  • Imagining crushing my enemies like the little bugs that they are…oh wait, not that last one
  • Reading about how some stranger’s kid starts talking about how the earth is COLD and DARK (not sure why that makes me giggle but it did)
  • Keem’s dad being out of the hospital (okay, that didn’t make me laugh but it made me happy)

I hope you are not under a huge pile of whelm, gentle readers.  Have a good day.  I’m going to go read my book now.  Yay, books!

So part of my job is tracking who has sent in questions to our Electronic Library here at NABABNA.  We have a log that I have to type in information about who sent what and if we added it.  Last week, I was somewhat tired and found myself nodding off at my desk.  You know, your eyes start drooping, your head starts bobbing and next you know, you’re drooling on your keyboard.  So far I’ve been able to avoid the keyboard drooling.

Anyway, I notice this happening last week and manage to wake myself up a little bit.  I stare at what I was typing.  It was supposed to be a brief description of a problem we had here, where we found out certain replacement checks had to be ordered through a different department instead of following our normal procedure.  But that’s not what I wrote.  No, I ended up typing “Certain Department/Cowboys cannot work together.”  What?  This makes no sense at all.  What does the certain department have against cowboys?  Is there a range feud? 

Today it happens again.  Except this time it is not in the log, it’s in the actual Electronic Library.  The one that gets read daily by tons of people.  And what I’ve written could have been displayed on the front page for all to see that I am completely insane.

Today’s information for the representatives?  “Information has been added to the Electronic Library about cashing pirates.”

WTF?  Am I on drugs that I am not aware of?  Do I have a rich fantasy life involving work, pirates and cowboys?  I have no clue.  And the real question – since when can pirates be exchanged for goods and services?

Prior Comments

Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard at this. I can’t wait to see what comments you get from co-workers. Go to bed early, Miss Dana.

Gravatar Whatever drugs they are, I’d like some of them, please 😛

Gravatar Pirates, they are good for almost anything. Arrrrrrrgggggggggg

Gravatar Sleep more! I know you can, anywhere, obviously! This is all I have left, since Joe stole my line. Meh.

Gravatar “Do I have a rich fantasy life involving work, pirates and cowboys? ”

If you do, maybe you should write scripts for the adult film industry.

Wait… do they even use scripts???

Okay, I am cranky. I admit it. I’ve been kind of cranky this entire month because someone who works here at NABABNA has crossed my path and I now feel the need to annihilate them.

This person (and I have not been able to establish if I am overreacting. I am possibly overreacting but dang it, my feelings are real and you have hurt them beyond repair (Okay, not really)) has done some things this month that have really irritated me and I want to talk about it but I really can’t because, let’s face it, I don’t want to get fired for my blog. Or for possibly saying “Dear co-worker, I really want to stab you with a fork” to said person. Because, you know, it’s really hard to get another job once you’ve said that. Or done it for that matter.

But the best part of this is that Co-Worker Jessica understands exactly what I am going through and is the vantee to my vanter (Vant, for those not in the know, is a word I coined years ago when I was still at NABABNA’s main call center. It is a cross between vent and rant and sums it up perfectly). Today she was telling me that she can’t control other’s actions and so she takes deep breaths (yeah, she really is that perky) to help her deal with it.

So, when I got an email from the co-worker who I wish to strangle if she sends me one more email telling me how to do my job (okay, maybe it is not that extreme. Remember I said I might be overreacting?), I had to forward my complaint to Jessica.

To be on the safe side, I deleted everything except the last part. Otherwise, it is possible that someone would be able to figure it out.

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, November 25, 2008 12:55 PM
To: Co-Worker Jessica
Subject: FW:

Oh, good Lord. Are you a bad word* idiot (not you, Jess, the irritating co-worker)?

Grumble, grumble, bad word, grumble.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths not working. Banging head on desk.

*I try very hard not to swear at work. So instead of swearing, I say bad word a lot. It makes Jessica giggle.

I am trying to be a better person. I’m not succeeding. Also, I may have scared my co-workers when I hissed “Stop sending things to the Virtual Library” in a deep, gravely devil voice. Since I started out the day with 15 emails in there and have received about 20 more.

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. I am actually cooking!* Be amazed.

*Technically I am cooking tonight. And what I am cooking is pretty easy because it is a Pampered Chef recipe for a turkey ring. And I’m substituting Rotisserie Chicken from Super Target for the turkey. But still, I am cooking.

Turkey Ring Recipe

2 pkg. refrigerated crescent rolls (garlic butter flavor because the only other ones left were reduced fat and can you say blech? I can)

2 cups chopped, cooked turkey (Or chicken if you can’t find a stupid turkey loin at Super Target because they had to carry 500 20 pound turkeys instead. Convince roommate to chop chicken because the last time you tried using the Ultimate Chopper, your delicious Szechuan Chicken ended up being really spicy chicken pate)

1 1/4 cups grated Swiss Cheese
1/2 cup chopped celery (or none if you forgot to buy it)
1/2 cup sweetened, dried cranberries (the best part! I love Craisins!)
1 tbsp. dried parsley or 3 tbsp. fresh chopped parsley (whatever)
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp. Dijon mustard (Please. I reject your Dijon mustard. I use yellow mustard. And possibly some of the Sweet and Nicely hot mustard from the Mustard Museum)

1/2 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper
1 egg white, lightly beaten (Oh, yeah. I forgot about this part)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. In mixing bowl, combine chicken, 1 cup of the cheese, celery, parsley, mayonnaise, mustard and black pepper; mix well (or combine everything if you are me).

Scoop filling evenly over desired crescent rolls that have been laid out in an overlapping circle pattern with long point to the outside like a starburst pattern. Bring long points over filling to center, joining with short points. Brush outside with egg white and sprinkle with remaining cheese (or don’t. It’ll still work). Bake in oven 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown. Serves 8.

It is fantastic. I love it. I’m also going to try duplicating a Turkey Pasta Salad recipe that I’m addicted to. With chicken instead, of course.

It is getting to be close to the end of the month and I am very stressed out. Work has been crazy busy and I am extremely tense. My work load seems to have doubled and it is insane. But I have a nice weekend planned. Beth and I are going to scrapbook like crazy. I am looking forward to it.

Last night we went to karaoke and it was really slow. At one point Beth turned to me and said “And this is why we still go to karaoke.” Bryan was singing “Halleluiah” from Shrek and it was beautiful.

This morning, Co-Worker Rykken asked how karaoke went and I was telling him and Christy about the song.

DM: I cannot understand why he is not famous and Nickelback is.

They were amused by that. I’ve mentioned that I hate Nickelback with the fierceness of a thousand burning suns, right?

Anyway, off to take a nap before Beth calls. Hope you all have had a good week.

Can you believe it is the 21st? The month is more than half over and I’ve made it every day so far. Amazing.

So Co-Worker Christine (not Christy) got married last month and then had her honeymoon/symbolic ceremony in Mexico this month. She sent out the pictures and there were some that caught my attention and, yes, amused me.

This was the view from her room. Very pretty. And yes, I am a little jealous.

This amused me because of the whole frog aspect. She also brought me back a Senor Frog’s shot glass which one of my many frogs now looks like he is imbibing from it.

May I just say HA! I have felt like this many times. Probably a good thing I don’t drive.

And I just thought this was a pretty clever way of saying “Please don’t litter.”

Congratulations to Christine and Wilder. I am very happy for them both and wish I could have been there to help them celebrate (Keem and I were invited but I ran out of PTO months ago. And there was no way I could come up with the money for it either).

So I was updating our Internal Library today and was getting more and more depressed at the state of our economy. Two of our clients have suspended paying dividends, one is filing for bankruptcy and another one is rumored to be going bankrupt.

I asked Co-Worker Rykken if I could vent and he agreed. I pointed out the Internal Library alerts and bemoaned how bad things are. He reminded me tomorrow was the beginning of the change and that did help but I wasn’t completely convinced.

I went back to the Internal Library inbox and found this email from him:

From: Co-Worker Rykken
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 1:44 PM
To: Internal Library Inbox

Happy Funtime Company announced that sales are at an all time high. CEO Jerry Smiles said the future of Happy Funtime looks positive, “The future is so bright you will need to wear shades.” Coincidently, Sunglass Hut sales are up 2%. Sales of Cory Hart’s CDs are still rock bottom.

This made me laugh (of course) and Co-Workers Jessica and Christy asked me what was so funny. I forwarded the email to them.

Christy: Who is Corey Hart?
DM: Groan (she’s really young). “I wear my sunglasses at night so I can…so I can…”
Rykken: Oh. That means I was wrong. I meant the other song, the future’s so bright one

Being me and knowing that this will drive me crazy if I don’t figure out who sang the song, I Googled it.

DM: It’s Timbuk 3
Christy: Well, that’s an interesting name.
Rykken: Might explain why they don’t have a lot of popular songs

That led to a discussion of 80’s movies (started because I remember the Timbuk 3 song being in Kuffs and Rykken thinks it is in The Secret of My Success) and Rykken’s trying to remember Michael J. Fox’s name led to the discussion about how awesome the Back to the Future movies are (Keem and I had a mini marathon Saturday night (they were playing in order on Encore. I love cable)). And now my mood is better. I love my job.

I’ve also been typing November 4th, 2008 on everything today. I may just be a little eager for tomorrow.

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